Many women find themselves in relationships with men who are unwilling to commit. This can be incredibly frustrating, as you want to move the relationship forward but he seems content keeping things casual. In this situation, a common question arises – will walking away and giving him space make him realize what he stands to lose? Will it finally motivate him to commit?
There’s no one simple answer, as every situation and every guy is different. However, there are some important factors to consider that can provide insight into whether giving him space will work or not. Let’s explore them:
Does he have commitment issues?
The first key thing to identify is whether your man genuinely has an underlying fear or reluctance towards commitment. Some signs include:
– He explicitly states he doesn’t want a serious relationship
– He’s perpetually single or has never had a long-term relationship
– He avoids any relationship talks and shies away from labeling the relationship
– He seems uncomfortable when you bring up the future
If this avoidance toward commitment seems ingrained in his personality, it’s possible that walking away may not change much. People with deep-rooted commitment phobias tend to run at even a hint of pressure, so an ultimatum could backfire.
That said, if the avoidance seems to stem from uncertainty about you specifically, time apart could potentially clarify his feelings.
How does he respond to you pulling away?
Pay close attention to how he responds when you stop reaching out, make yourself less available, or talk about going on a break. Does he seem indifferent and unbothered, or does he act anxious and put in effort to reconnect?
If he doesn’t express any concern and lets the distance continue without protest, that’s a clear sign he’s not that invested. But if he quickly reaches out wondering where you’ve been and asks to spend more time together, he likely values you and the relationship more than you realized. His efforts to close the gap once you pull back can reveal the depth of his feelings.
Have you given him any ultimatums yet?
It’s important to assess whether you’ve already tried to push for commitment in the past by giving him ultimatums – either commit or let’s break up, move in together now or I’m gone, etc. If you’ve already played this card and he refused to commit, walking away again is less likely to work.
Ultimatums can backfire by putting extra pressure on someone who already has commitment fears. You may get a half-hearted commitment just to appease you temporarily, but it won’t stick long term.
However, if you haven’t made any demands or tried to force his hand yet, he may be blindsided when you suddenly withdraw. This wakeup call could be what finally spurs him to think about what he really wants.
How long have you been seeing each other?
The length of your relationship also provides context. Have you been casually dating for a few months? Or have you been together for years with no signs of progress?
If it’s a fairly new relationship, he may need more time to feel sure before making things official. Men sometimes move slower when it comes to commitment. If you’ve only been seeing each other for a bit, have patience and focus on building a solid foundation first.
But if it’s been years with no commitment, despite repeatedly voicing your wants, the odds are slim he’ll change. At that point, you have to decide if you’re willing to accept the situation as is or walk away for good.
Is there external uncertainty in his life?
Try to understand if there are any legitimate external factors causing his hesitation that have nothing to do with you. Is he going through huge life changes – finishing school, job loss or relocation, family issues, illness, financial stress?
Major upheavals can understandably make someone gun-shy about big decisions like commitment, even if they care deeply about you. If that’s the case, pressure and ultimatums will likely backfire. Patience and understanding might be better while his life settles.
Of course, be wary of excuses about “bad timing”. He should still be able to assure you of his feelings and intent. But do have compassion if there are genuine external obstacles at play.
Does he have a pattern of recommitment?
It’s also revealing to look at your relationship patterns. Have you broken up before or stepped back from the relationship, only for him to woo you back with renewed effort and interest?
If he has repeatedly pulled away, gotten scared by intimacy, lost interest etc. only to come back wholeheartedly, he may just need periodic wake-up calls about potentially losing you before he can reconnect to his feelings. If that tendency is there, walking away could jolt him into appreciating what he has.
Be cautious, however, that you’re not stuck in a rollercoaster cycle that’s unhealthy long term, leaving you anxious and insecure. Take a hard look at whether this hot and cold pattern seems destined to repeat.
When Is Walking Away Most Likely To Work?
While there are no guarantees, based on typical male psychology and relationship patterns, giving him space is more likely to be successful when:
– It’s a relatively new relationship and he just needs more time to feel sure before deciding to commit
– He has no major external obstacles causing uncertainty
– He has shown signs he cares about you and values the relationship through efforts to reconnect when you pull back
– You haven’t already tried to force his hand with demands and ultimatums
– He has a history of coming back renewed when given space to reflect
In these scenarios, walking away may provide the clarity he needs to realize he doesn’t want to be without you, motivating him to take the next steps.
When Is Walking Away Less Likely To Work?
On the flip side, pulling back is unlikely to suddenly inspire commitment if:
– He has deep seated commitment issues or phobias
– He has remained indifferent when you’ve pulled away in the past
– You’ve already tried to push for commitment with ultimatums
– It’s been years with no signs of progressing the relationship
– He has major external factors causing uncertainty
In these cases, more time and space will probably not impact his reluctance. And pressuring him to commit usually does more harm than good.
How To Walk Away In A Healthy, Productive Way
If you do decide to pull back from the relationship in hopes of shaking things up, here are some tips to increase your chances of success:
Make a clean break
Don’t pepper him with calls and texts or monitor his social media. Cease all contact and let him experience your absence, so he fully appreciates what he’s missing. Avoid stalking his activity online or through friends – ignorance is bliss. Out of sight, out of mind.
Focus on yourself
Spend this time focusing on your own life, needs and goals. Lean into social connections, pursuits that excite you, self-care. When you seem fulfilled without him, it sends a message. Plus, investing in yourself is never a bad idea.
Live your life
Continue on as normal and resist the urge to sit at home moping. Go out, travel, share fun experiences on social media. Seeing you happily living your best life may spark a realization not to take you for granted.
Set a timeline
Determine how long you plan to create distance, whether it’s a few weeks, a month or more. With no end date, you may end up drifting apart indefinitely. A set timeframe also creates urgency for him to decide what he really wants.
Manage expectations
Be prepared that he may not come running back. As much as we wish it were foolproof, this tactic sometimes doesn’t work. Have a plan to graciously accept either outcome.
Leave the door open
If he does reach out again, hear him out. But don’t just pick up where you left off. He needs to demonstrate readiness for commitment through actions before restarting the relationship.
Signs It May Be Working
If pulling back seems to have shifted something in him, you may notice:
– He contacts you wanting to talk or see you soon after you pull back
– He makes earnest efforts to spend more quality time together
– He opens up about missing you and his feelings about the relationship
– He brings up wanting to become official/meet important people in his life
– He stops seeing/talking to other women
– He stops making excuses about “needing more time”
These actions suggest he’s ready to step up and commit to moving the relationship forward.
Signs It’s Not Working
Some red flags that signal he remains unwilling to commit:
– He doesn’t try to reconnect at all and keeps distance on his end
– He denies/downplays anything has changed when you ask
– He brings up unrelated issues instead of discussing the relationship
– He continues flirting with/talking to other women
– He dodges relationship talks and says he still needs more time
Unfortunately, these reactions indicate creating space didn’t make him reconsider the relationship. He likely still has cold feet about commitment.
When To Walk Away For Good
As difficult as it is, if enough time has passed with no progress, you eventually have to make a hard decision about whether this relationship can realistically give you want you need.
Consider ending things for good if:
– You gave space but nothing changed.
– You’ve had multiple talks about needing commitment that go nowhere.
– You regularly feel insecure and anxious about where you stand.
– He continues showing reluctance despite having ample time.
– You’ve given ultimatums before to no avail.
At a certain point, enough is enough. You deserve to be with someone as excited to commit to you as you are to them. Prioritize yourself and your happiness.
Conclusion
Walking away can be a powerful catalyst to get a reluctant man to appreciate a relationship, but it must be done strategically and without expectations. Use the time to focus on your personal growth.
Pay attention to his efforts to reconnect or his indifference. Be cautious not to get stuck in an unhealthy cycle of intermittent reinforcement. And know when it’s time to walk away for the final time if his commitmentphobia persists.
While nerve-wracking, creating space can provide unique insight into his true willingness and motivations. With realistic outlooks, clear boundaries and strong self-worth, you can determine the best path forward for your happiness.