Pets are beloved members of the family. When a pet dies, it can be absolutely devastating. Many pet owners form deep emotional bonds with their animals and consider them to be like children. The grief felt after the loss of a pet can be intense and painful. However, there are several reasons why grieving for a pet can be uniquely difficult.
You May Feel Others Don’t Understand Your Grief
One of the hardest parts of grieving a pet is that many people do not understand just how profound the loss is. Some people may dismiss your grief by saying things like “It was just a dog” or “You can get another cat.” However, pet owners know their animals are not easily replaceable. Each pet has a unique personality and special bond with their human. The grief over losing such a close companion is real and should never be minimized. You may feel isolated in your grief as some friends and family do not grasp how deeply the loss of your pet has affected you.
There Are Few Cultural Mourning Rituals for Pets
Humans have developed rituals around mourning the dead, such as funerals, burials and memorial services. However, there are fewer established mourning traditions when a pet dies. You may struggle knowing how to properly commemorate the life of your pet and process the grief of their passing. Some ways people honor deceased pets include holding private ceremonies, making memorial art or gardens, or having their pet cremated and keeping the ashes in an urn. However, because these rituals are not as common, you may feel at a loss for how to grieve your pet in a meaningful way.
The Grief May Seem Disenfranchised
Disenfranchised grief occurs when a loss is not openly acknowledged or socially supported. This can make the grieving process much harder to bear. Because pets are not human, grieving for them is often disenfranchised in society. People are expected to quickly “get over it” when a pet dies in a way they aren’t when a human relative passes. Coworkers may give you time off after losing a parent but expect you back at work right after your dog dies. This lack of social support and empathy can leave you feeling isolated in your sadness. You may even feel shame over how deeply the loss has impacted you.
There is No Clear Endpoint to the Grief
With the loss of a human loved one, there are usually clear social signals for when the period of acute grief should end, like after the burial. However, there is no defined endpoint for pet loss. The sadness, pain, and sense of absence lingers long after because your daily routines and environment remain full of reminders. Coming home to an empty house, seeing old toys, or even just looking at photos keeps evoking pangs of grief with no sense of closure. The mourning feels like it may go on indefinitely.
Why Pets Mean So Much
To better understand why grief for a pet can be so painful, it helps to explore why animal companions come to mean so much to people.
Pets Provide Unconditional Love
Pets shower people with constant affection. Dogs wag their tails excitedly when you come home, and cats purr contentedly on your lap. This unconditional love and loyalty is very powerful for the human psyche. Pets provide a safe relationship free of the challenges of human interactions. The security of this unwavering devotion makes the loss incredibly hard to manage.
Pets are Part of Your Family
Pets are true members of the family. They live in your home, you care for them when they are sick, they greet you at the end of a long day. People often talk to, play with, and confide in their pets like they would human members of the household. The love runs incredibly deep, so when a pet dies, it constitutes losing a beloved family member.
Pets Provide Comfort and Companionship
Many people consider their pets to be their best friends. They provide comfort and companionship, especially for those who live alone. Stroking a pet lowers stress levels and gives great joy. That constant source of comfort and friendship is painfully absent when the pet passes away. The loneliness can feel unbearable.
Pets Give You Purpose
Having a pet relies on you for food, shelter, and care. This gives people a sense of purpose and being needed. That role and routine is suddenly gone when your pet dies, leaving you feeling aimless. Knowing your pet depended on you and now they are gone can be tremendously hard to accept.
You Witness Their Whole Life Cycle
Bringing home that cuddly puppy or kitten, you embark on a journey of over a decade caring for them. People witness their pet’s whole life span, through the playful and boisterous younger years, into their slower golden years. By the end, they have been a constant presence and shared so many memories and life stages. Saying goodbye to your faithful companion of over 10+ years is utterly wrenching.
How to Cope With the Loss
Grieving for your pet will be painful and messy. There is no “right” way through the mourning process. However, there are healthy strategies to help you cope with the sadness.
Allow Yourself to Fully Grieve
Let yourself fully experience and process the sadness. Cry openly, talk about your feelings with empathetic friends, make a memorial, or write about your grief. Avoid any urges to just “get over it” quickly or downplay how much this loss hurts. By expressing the grief, you honor the significance of your pet’s life. Expect that it will take months or even years for the pain to fully subside.
Mark the Passing with a Ritual
Holding some kind of memorial ceremony or remembrance for your pet can provide closure and comfort. You may choose to bury your pet at home with a special marker or have them cremated to keep the ashes. Other rituals can include lighting candles, planting a tree, putting together a photo collage or memory book, or visiting places you enjoyed with your pet. This helps signify the transition to a life without your companion.
Be Patient With Yourself
Understand that grief comes in waves, with difficult periods mixed with more peaceful ones. On anniversaries, passing by favorite hangouts, or even just a song can trigger intense periods of mourning. Be patient and kind to yourself through these ebbs and flows. Don’t judge yourself for still feeling devastating loss months or years later. Healing happens gradually.
Consider a Pet Bereavement Support Group
Connecting with others who have gone through pet loss can ease the feelings of isolation and being misunderstood. Many vet offices, shelters, hospices, and human bereavement groups now host pet loss support groups. Sharing stories and advice on coping strategies with people who have been there can help you feel less alone in the grieving process.
Do Things That Bring You Joy
When you feel up to it, engage in hobbies and activities that lift your mood and spirit, such as talking walks, spending time with friends, or gardening. Don’t feel guilty about experiencing pleasure or laughing again, as your pet would want you to find moments of joy. The good memories can live on. These bright spots help balance the darkness of grief.
Consider a New Pet, When the Time is Right
There may come a point where you feel ready to open your heart and home again. Adopting a new pet can provide great comfort. However, it is crucial not to rush into this, as comparing a new pet to your previous companion will make grieving very difficult. Wait until you feel your grief has substantially shifted to a place of peaceful remembrance of joyful times. A new animal friend can never replace what you lost but may help heal your heart.
Conclusion
Losing a beloved pet is a profound, life-altering event for many people. There are numerous factors that can make grieving for an animal companion especially painful and challenging. However, there are also meaningful ways to honor that loss and eventually integrate the grief into continued life. Being patient, letting yourself feel all the emotions, finding social support, and memorializing your pet can all help ease you through one of life’s greatest sorrows. The profound love we share with our animal friends makes the loss incomparably hard, but it also demonstrates just how meaningful that bond and friendship was. Your pet forever changed your life, and you gave them a wonderful existence filled with care, comfort, and joy. That empowers the good memories to prevail through the grief.
| Stage of Grief | Manifestations | Coping Strategies |
|---|---|---|
| Denial | Numbness, disbelief, feeling like it didn’t happen | Talking about the loss, allowing yourself to cry |
| Anger | Frustration no one understands, unfairness, resentment | Venting feelings, understanding anger is normal |
| Bargaining | Thinking how things could have gone differently | Acceptance that grief is part of living/loving |
| Depression | Deep sadness, loss of pleasure, trouble functioning | Patience with fluxes of grief, doing enjoyable activities |
| Acceptance | Peaceful remembrance, ability to move forward | Memorializing the pet, opening heart to love again |