It’s Normal for Toddlers to Prefer One Parent
It’s very common for toddlers to go through phases where they strongly prefer one parent over the other. This is a normal part of development as toddlers start to explore independence and autonomy. They often oscillate between “mama’s girl/boy” and “daddy’s girl/boy” periods. Don’t take it personally if your toddler is currently in a “daddy” phase – it’s usually just a passing stage.
Reasons Toddlers Favor One Parent
There are several reasons why toddlers often develop a strong preference for one parent:
Different Parenting Styles
Fathers sometimes have a more physical, playful style while mothers tend to handle more caregiving tasks. Toddlers may gravitate to the parent whose interactions match their mood and needs at the time.
Daytime Bonding
If dad is the primary caregiver during the day, the toddler spends more waking hours with him for feeding, playtime, etc. This daytime bonding can lead to a stronger attachment.
Separation Anxiety
When toddlers develop separation anxiety, they often favor the parent who is around less. They miss that parent and crave contact when reunited.
Discipline Roles
The “stricter” disciplinarian parent may get avoided while the toddler seeks out the more lenient parent for their needs. This dynamic impacts which parent becomes the preferred one.
Mom is Busy
When mom is tied up with a new baby, working, or other obligations, the toddler misses her and seeks more attention from dad.
Developmental Changes
Toddlers seek increasing independence. Rejecting mom and running to dad is one way they assert themselves. It’s also a chance to gauge parent reactions.
Role Imitation
Toddlers identify with the same-sex parent. Little boys gravitate to dads to imitate male family roles. Girls seek out moms to emulate female roles.
When Daddys Boy/Girls Becomes Problematic
It’s developmentally normal for your toddler to cycle through parent preferences. But it can become problematic if:
– Preference persists for many months with outright rejection of the other parent
– Strong attachment inhibits normal exploration and learning
– Your child is distressed, angry or inconsolable when you intervene
– You or your partner feel hurt, excluded or jealous
If the dynamic causes angst in your home or interferes with normal development, seek help. Consult your pediatrician or a child psychologist.
Coping Tips for the Out-of-Favor Parent
When your toddler gives you the cold shoulder in favor of your partner, it hurts. Use these tips to cope:
Don’t take it personally
This phase will pass. Your little one still loves you even if they struggle to show it right now.
Have dad reinforce your role
When your child runs to dad, have him say “Let’s go see what mommy is doing!” and bring them to you.
Spend special one-on-one time together
Set up Mommy playdates doing an activity your toddler enjoys. Or have daddy take over bedtime so you two can bond.
Find opportunities for laughter and touch
Make silly faces, read fun books, tickle or hug. Laughter is contagious and touch releases feel-good hormones.
Give them space but stay close
Don’t chase or smother your toddler. Stay nearby so they can approach when ready.
Recruit help to give you a break
Trade off childcare duties with your partner for periods of time. Hire a sitter so you can decompress.
Focus on your own life and needs
Cultivate your friendships, pursue hobbies and take care of yourself. Your happiness will eventually draw your toddler back in.
Boosting the Bond with Your Toddler
To strengthen your connection during a daddy phase, proactively spend time doing activities your toddler enjoys one-on-one. Here are some ideas:
Read books together
Cuddle up for storytime, doing all the character voices. Let them turn pages.
Cook or bake together
Give them a small apron and let them mix ingredients. Narrate what you’re doing.
Go to the park
Push them on swings, help them down the slide. Blow bubbles and chase them while playing tag.
Get creative with art
Pull out crayons, markers or paints. Let them create freely as you work alongside.
Have a dance party
Crank up fun music and freestyle dance with your toddler. Add props like scarves or maracas.
Build a fort
Drape sheets over furniture then snuggle inside with pillows and stuffed animals.
Run errands together
Go through the checkout line together at a small store. Let them hold items and help you pay.
Plant flowers or seeds
Give your toddler their own gardening set. Water plants together and watch them grow.
Do sensory play
Finger paint, play with shaving cream, fill bins with rice, pasta, water, sand, etc. Exploring textures engages their senses.
When to Seek Help
Consult your pediatrician or a child psychologist if:
– Your toddler refuses contact with you for over 6 months
– They are extremely distressed when you try to care for them
– Attachment prevents normal exploration, learning and development
– Preference interferes with daily routines like eating and sleeping
– You or your partner have intense feelings of rejection, hurt or envy
– Dynamics cause major stress and tension in the home
Targeted interventions can get your relationship back on track. Left untreated, severe parent preference can develop into unhealthy attachment issues. It’s best to seek help sooner rather than later.
The Daddy Phase Will Pass!
Try not to take it personally when your toddler clings to your partner. This “daddy phase” is temporary and age-appropriate. Meet your child’s needs while also prioritizing your own. Boost one-on-one bonding through play, creativity and active listening. Your little one will loop back around, just stay available. The daddy obsession will run its course if you adapt without overreacting. Stay positive – this too shall pass!