Intimacy is an important part of a healthy relationship for many couples. However, some married couples go through periods where they do not have any intimacy or sexual relations. There are a variety of reasons why this may occur.
Lack of Time and Energy
One of the most common reasons married couples stop being intimate is a lack of time and energy. Life responsibilities can get in the way, especially when couples have busy work schedules, children to take care of, and other obligations and stresses. When couples are exhausted from their daily responsibilities, being intimate may not be a priority.
According to a survey, 46% of couples reported they were too tired for sex. This lack of energy can cause couples to feel disconnected. Making time for intimacy can be a challenge for busy couples, but setting aside time to be together is important for relationship health.
Conflicts and Resentment
Relationship problems and arguments can cause couples to avoid intimacy. Lingering resentment, frequent conflicts, and poor communication can damage emotional intimacy between partners. Partners may not feel safe being vulnerable or trusting if issues are unresolved.
According to marriage counselors, unresolved conflicts are a top reason couples stop being intimate. Partners need to communicate openly and work through issues in a healthy way for the relationship to thrive and for intimacy to occur.
Stress and Mental Health Issues
High levels of stress and mental health struggles can reduce interest in sex for some individuals. Depression, anxiety, trauma, low self-esteem, and other mental health issues can affect libido and desire.
Medical conditions like erectile dysfunction or vaginal dryness can also cause difficulties with sex and discourage couples from attempting intimacy. Seeking medical or mental health treatment can help in some situations.
Changes in Life Stages
Shifting priorities and interests during major life changes can also impact couples’ intimacy. During pregnancy, after having a baby, or when children are young, couples often report having less sex.
Later in life, factors like menopause, medical conditions, or decreased energy levels may also reduce some couples’ intimacy. Partners may need to adapt and find new ways to maintain physical and emotional intimacy through major life transitions.
Poor Communication and Intimacy
A lack of communication leads to problems in many marriages, including sexual intimacy. Partners may not communicate their needs, interests, or concerns about physical intimacy. Poor communication about sex and relationships can cause misunderstandings and dissatisfaction.
According to relationship experts, couples should prioritize open communication about intimacy. This involves communicating desires, challenges, and emotional needs related to their physical relationship. It also involves showing appreciation for one another inside and outside of the bedroom.
Boredom and Loss of Interest
In some long-term marriages, boredom and lack of excitement in the bedroom can occur. Couples may fall into repetitive routines and lose that spark that once existed. When sex becomes predictable or unfulfilling, partners may avoid it altogether.
Trying new things together both in and out of the bedroom can help couples reconnect and rekindle excitement. Taking time to be playful, adventurous, and experimental can improve intimacy problems caused by boredom.
Pornography and Masturbation
For some individuals, problems with excessive pornography use or masturbation may reduce their desire for couple intimacy. People may find it easier to view pornography alone than put effort into sex with their spouse.
Partners should communicate honestly if this is impacting their physical relationship. Addressing and resolving potential pornography addiction is important for restoring intimacy.
Affairs and Betrayal
In some cases, ongoing affairs, cheating, or betrayal can damage emotional and physical intimacy between partners. Infidelity often leads to decreased interest in sex between married couples. The broken trust can be difficult to rebuild.
Professional counseling and complete honesty, accountability, and effort from both partners are required to heal intimacy issues caused by infidelity. It takes time to restore the safety and vulnerability required for true physical intimacy.
How to Rebuild Intimacy in Marriage
While intimacy issues can be challenging, there are many ways couples can work to improve their physical connection:
- Make sex and intimacy a priority by setting aside dedicated time for each other without distractions.
- Resolve conflicts and resentments through open communication, taking breaks to cool down when needed.
- Reduce stress through relaxation techniques, couple time away from responsibilities, and asking others for support when needed.
- Be affectionate on a daily basis through hugs, kisses, massages, and loving words.
- Discuss sexual desires, needs, and concerns openly and without judgment.
- Try new sexual activities, toys, positions, locations, role playing, and anything else that sparks excitement.
- Maintain physical attractiveness and appreciation for each other.
- Seek counseling or medical help for issues impacting intimacy like depression, trauma, or erectile dysfunction.
Focusing on emotional intimacy through affection, communication, and quality time together helps significantly. Working as a team to protect time and energy for your physical relationship can help maintain a happy, fulfilling marriage.
Conclusion
There are many reasons long-term married couples may struggle with physical intimacy, from mental health issues to boredom in the bedroom. Loss of intimacy does not need to spell the end of a marriage. Through understanding the causes and implementing solutions, couples can reconnect and restore that spark.
Prioritizing your partner, making time for sex and affection, communicating openly about needs, and seeking help when required can often get a marriage back on track. Intimacy may look different at various life stages, but maintaining a strong bond through life’s ups and downs leads to lasting happiness.