Experiencing a traumatic event can have profound psychological effects on a person. Trauma causes extreme distress that alters a person’s view of themselves, others and the world. A common reaction to trauma is to withdraw from relationships and push other people away. There are several key reasons why trauma survivors tend to isolate themselves.
They feel ashamed about the trauma
Trauma often carries feelings of shame for the survivor. They may see the trauma as a personal failure or feel that it has permanently damaged them. This shame causes them to want to hide away from others:
- They may feel that others will judge them or see them differently if they knew about the trauma.
- They want to avoid the stigma and assumptions people make about trauma.
- Their self-esteem is damaged and they feel unworthy of love and belonging.
This sense of shame leads the trauma survivor to believe they are flawed, defective or unlovable because of what happened to them. They isolate to protect themselves from being rejected.
They struggle to trust others
Trauma often involves a deep betrayal of trust. If the trauma stemmed from interpersonal violence like assault, abuse or an accident caused by someone else, it shakes the survivor’s ability to trust others. They may:
- View relationships as dangerous because people can seriously hurt you.
- Have trouble feeling safe being vulnerable with another person.
- Fear that anyone they become close to may betray or hurt them too.
This loss of trust makes it extremely difficult for trauma survivors to open up in relationships. They prefer isolation over taking another risk.
They cope through avoiding reminders
Avoidance is one of the main coping strategies trauma survivors use to manage their post-traumatic symptoms. This involves avoiding any person, place, situation or sensation that reminds them about the trauma, because it triggers distressing memories and anxiety. So trauma survivors may:
- Withdraw from friends and family who were present during/after the trauma as they are reminders.
- Isolate themselves at home where it feels safer and more in control.
- Retreat from having close relationships to avoid opening up emotionally.
Isolating protects them from being emotionally overwhelmed but it also prevents them from processing their trauma and moving forward.
They struggle with emotional numbing
Trauma can cause people to feel emotionally numb or disconnected from themselves and others. This is a protective reaction that helps create distance from the intense emotions caused by trauma. But it also makes relationships much harder:
- They struggle to feel intimacy or affection as strongly.
- They can’t tolerate emotional closeness well.
- Their partner may feel unloved or detached from them.
The emotionally numbing effects of trauma make it very difficult for survivors to open up and bond closely with others. Social withdrawal helps reduce emotional demands they feel unable to meet.
They are hypervigilant about threats
Trauma survivors are often stuck in a state of hypervigilance where they constantly scan their environment for potential threats or danger. This focus on staying safe makes it hard for them to relax into relationships:
- They have a heightened startle reflex and feel on edge around others.
- They attribute negative intentions to other people’s behavior.
- Minor relationship problems may provoke extreme reactions.
Hypervigilance keeps trauma survivors isolated because they perceive relationships as risky. Spending time alone feels like the safest option.
They lose emotional regulation skills
Trauma disrupts the brain regions responsible for regulating emotions. Survivors often struggle to return to a calm state once upset:
- Small triggers prompt disproportionate reactions.
- Anger, fear or sadness easily become overwhelming.
- They see relationships problems as catastrophic.
Their loss of emotional regulation control causes trauma survivors to withdraw to avoid conflict, criticism or emotional intimacy with loved ones. Isolation feels safer than trying to navigate intense emotions.
They feel depressed
Many trauma survivors experience depression alongside PTSD symptoms. Depression can cause:
- Losing interest in relationships and social activities.
- Fatigue, low motivation and lack of enjoyment.
- Withdrawing to stay in bed or isolate themselves.
Trauma-related depression robs survivors of the energy and desire needed to actively participate in relationships. They retreat from social connections as a symptom of their depression.
They have attachment issues
Trauma that occurs early in life can disrupt a person’s attachment system – their ability to form close bonds with others. This causes relationship anxiety:
- Fear of abandonment makes them too clingy at times.
- Fear of engulfment makes them isolate at times.
- Their behavior seems unstable and push/pull.
These attachment issues lead trauma survivors to feel torn between wanting emotional closeness and needing self-protection through isolation. Their relationships often alternate between the two extremes.
They dissociate
Some trauma survivors cope by dissociating – mentally and emotionally detaching from their surroundings. When they dissociate:
- They may outwardly seem distracted, distant or checked out.
- Time passes in a blur.
- Conversations and interactions with others feel disjointed.
Dissociation allows trauma survivors to disconnect from the present, but also makes it extremely difficult for them to be present and attuned to others. This causes them to feel detached from relationships and withdraw further.
What helps trauma survivors trust again
With caring support, trauma survivors can overcome their avoidance patterns and build healthy relationships again. Some key factors that help them to trust again include:
- Counseling to process trauma memories and emotions safely.
- Learning coping strategies to manage trauma symptoms and triggers.
- Having patient, compassionate friends/family who allow them space when needed.
- Feeling accepted, safe and not judged when opening up.
- Developing the ability to self-soothe through relaxation techniques.
- Finding meaning and purpose in their trauma experience.
Letting go of isolation takes time and courage as old relationship fears resurface. But human beings are wired for connection. With the right support, trauma survivors can rediscover their capacity to trust and meaningfully bond with others.
Conclusion
Trauma has profound effects on relationship behavior. Survivors often isolate themselves and push others away as a way to cope with traumatic memories, fear, shame, lack of trust and associated symptoms like depression. But this avoidance also prevents healing. Counseling, social support and learning self-regulation skills can help survivors relate more healthily. In time, they can become open to intimacy and belonging once again.