What is narcissistic personality disorder?
Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental health condition characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, a lack of empathy, and a need for admiration. People with narcissistic personality disorder typically have an exaggerated sense of superiority and a grandiose view of themselves. They tend to be very focused on themselves and often lack consideration for others.
Some key traits of narcissistic personality disorder include:
- An exaggerated sense of self-importance
- A sense of entitlement and expectation of special treatment
- A preoccupation with fantasies of success, power, beauty, intelligence, etc.
- A belief they are special and unique
- A requirement for excessive admiration
- A sense of entitlement
- Exploitative behavior towards others
- A lack of empathy
- Envy of others or belief others envy them
- Arrogant attitudes and behaviors
Narcissistic personality disorder affects about 6% of the adult population and is more common in men. The cause is unknown but likely involves a combination of genetic and environmental factors. Treatments include psychotherapy and in some cases, medication.
Key reasons narcissists are more likely to cheat
There are several key reasons why those with narcissistic personality disorder are more prone to infidelity and cheating behaviors:
1. Sense of entitlement
One of the hallmark characteristics of narcissists is their exaggerated sense of entitlement. They feel they deserve special treatment and privileges others do not. This sense of entitlement extends to their relationships and they may feel entitled to have their sexual and emotional needs met at all times. If their partner cannot satisfy their needs, they may feel justified in finding fulfillment outside the relationship through cheating and affairs.
2. Need for validation
Narcissists have an excessive need for validation and attention due to their fragile self-esteem. Engaging in flirtatious or sexual behavior with multiple partners provides them with the validation and admiration they crave. Cheating can be a way to satisfy their need for affirmation.
3. Boredom and thrill-seeking
Narcissists often become bored easily and seek excitement and pleasure. The thrill of the chase involved in cheating and sneaking around can provide them with the stimulation they crave. Engaging in forbidden behaviors also satisfies their sense of entitlement and grandiosity.
4. Lack of empathy
One of the hallmarks of narcissism is a lack of empathy and consideration for others. Their extreme self-focus means they are unlikely to consider or care about the impact their cheating has on their partner. They may have no qualms about lying, manipulating, and gaslighting their partner to hide their infidelity.
5. Control and power
Narcissists enjoy exerting power and control over others. For some, cheating allows them an additional way to secretly manipulate their partner and have control in the relationship. Having affairs may reinforce their sense of power and importance.
How narcissism impacts relationships
Narcissism can be very damaging to relationships in multiple ways:
- Narcissists see their partner as someone who is there to serve their needs and provide validation, not as an equal partner.
- They lack empathy and consideration for their partner’s feelings or needs.
- They feel entitled to be showered with affection and admiration from their partner.
- They can be controlling and demanding.
- Partners often feel emotionally neglected.
- Their sense of entitlement can lead to infidelity and affairs.
- They react poorly to perceived criticism or slights from their partner.
- Their needs and emotions tend to dominate the relationship.
- Partners frequently feel devalued, invisible, and unimportant.
These dysfunctional relationship dynamics stem from the core traits of narcissism like arrogance, exploitation, and lack of empathy. The self-centered nature of the disorder makes it very challenging for narcissists to have healthy, mutual, fulfilling relationships. Their partners often describe feeling emotionally drained and oppressed.
Warning signs your partner may have NPD
There are some key warning signs that can indicate your partner may have narcissistic traits or narcissistic personality disorder:
- Your partner feels entitled to special privileges and does not believe the rules apply to them.
- He/she requires constant praise and admiration from you.
- Your partner is unwilling to listen to your needs, feelings, or requests.
- He/she is hypersensitive to any form of real or perceived criticism.
- Your partner lacks empathy and interest in your thoughts, emotions, and well-being.
- He/she feels envious of others and believes others envy him/her.
- You feel manipulated or controlled in the relationship.
- Your partner seems arrogant, haughty, and contemptuous.
- He/she regularly demeans, lies to, or exploits you.
Ongoing cheating, flirtation, and infidelity can also be a sign your partner is narcissistic. Narcissism exists on a spectrum, so your partner may not meet the clinical threshold for NPD but still exhibit strong narcissistic behaviors. Pay attention to any pattern of self-centered, conceited conduct that leaves you feeling diminished.
Impacts of narcissistic cheating
Cheating by a narcissistic partner can be exceptionally damaging due to the constellation of toxic narcissistic traits. Impacts may include:
- Deep feelings of betrayal, pain, and humiliation when the cheating comes to light.
- Feeling devalued and worthless in the eyes of your partner.
- Loss of self-esteem, depression, and anxiety.
- Developing PTSD or trauma bonding.
- Blaming yourself for the infidelity.
- Feeling exploited and objectified.
- Experiencing severe confusion due to gaslighting and manipulation when the narcissist denies infidelity.
- Doubting your own perceptions and reality.
- Contracting STIs that the narcissist may have picked up from cheating.
The profound trauma that can result when a narcissistic partner cheats stems from the toxic combination of entitlement, exploitation, gaslighting, and lack of empathy that characterizes pathological narcissism. The wounds can cut very deep and recovery is challenging.
Will they ever stop cheating?
It is very unlikely a narcissist will stop cheating. Their sense of entitlement, need for validation, and lack of empathy mean they are highly likely to continue engaging in infidelity. Even if caught, they may simply become more secretive and deceptive to avoid being found out again.
Some signs a narcissist will continue cheating include:
- They blame you or outside circumstances for their cheating.
- They refuse to take meaningful responsibility for their actions.
- They are unwilling to go to counseling or make substantive efforts to understand and address root causes.
- They become possessive and controlling to overcompensate.
- They gaslight you and deny information contrary to their claims.
- They show no empathy for your feelings of hurt and betrayal.
- They believe the rules don’t apply to them.
- They are skilled at hiding certain behaviors and maintaining secrets.
Narcissists engage in cheating because it suits their needs, not as a mistake or lapse in judgment. It is unrealistic to expect fidelity from someone so self-focused who lacks moral conscience when it comes to using and exploiting others.
| Signs your narcissistic partner will continue cheating | Why this indicates they won’t stop |
|---|---|
| They blame you or circumstances for their cheating | Shows lack of personal responsibility |
| They refuse to take meaningful responsibility | No understanding of impact of actions |
| They are unwilling to go to counseling | No interest in changing behavior |
| They become possessive and controlling | Trying to better hide cheating |
| They gaslight you and deny information | Ongoing deception and manipulation |
| They show no empathy for your feelings | Your pain does not impact them |
| They believe the rules don’t apply to them | Sense of entitlement |
| They are skilled at hiding behaviors and secrets | Cheating has gone underground |
Can a relationship with a narcissist work?
It is extremely challenging to have a healthy, mutually-fulfilling long-term relationship with a narcissist. Their self-centered nature makes it nearly impossible for them to approach relationships in an equitable way. They tend to see their partner more as someone who exists to meet their needs rather than an equal.
Some key reasons a relationship with a narcissist is difficult:
- Their needs and emotions will always dominate the relationship.
- Partners often feel dismissed, invisible and undervalued.
- Their sense of entitlement drives behaviors like cheating and gaslighting.
- They lack empathy and consideration for their partner’s needs.
- They can become controlling and abusive.
- Their ego eclipses everything else.
- They use partners as sources of admiration and validation.
- Your feelings will rarely be prioritized.
- Damage to your self-esteem and mental health.
At best, relationships with narcissists tend to be very one-sided. More commonly they are deeply unfulfilling for the non-narcissistic partner and become increasingly damaging over time. Setting boundaries and managing expectations can help, but typically the healthiest choice is often to end the relationship.
Tips if you choose to stay with a narcissist
If you choose to stay in a relationship with a narcissist, here are some tips that may help:
- Seek counseling to better understand narcissism and its impacts.
- Set clear boundaries and reinforce them consistently.
- Have realistic expectations – a narcissist is unlikely to change their core traits.
- Don’t expect them to cater to your needs or emotional well-being.
- Find emotional support outside the relationship.
- Consider creating physical distance if needed.
- Don’t expect fidelity or exclusivity from them.
- Make your own needs a priority.
- Maintain your independence and outside interests.
- Consider an open relationship or alternative arrangement if that better suits both partners.
- Accept that the narcissist’s emotions and reactions will often seem irrational.
- Prepare for them to become upset when you don’t cater sufficiently to their needs.
Even with strong boundaries, the dynamics in a relationship with a narcissist are likely to be taxing and unhealthy. It is wise to reflect carefully on whether staying with a narcissistic partner is right for your long-term well-being.
Conclusion
Narcissistic personality disorder is marked by an extreme lack of empathy and sense of entitlement. These traits lead narcissists to engage in higher levels of infidelity and cheating behaviors. They often feel entitled to seek sexual gratification outside the relationship and lack remorse when doing so. Their excessive need for validation drives them to have multiple partners and affairs.
Cheating by a narcissist can be extremely damaging due to the manipulative, deceitful nature that often accompanies it. Their tendency to Gaslight partners and shirk personal responsibility exacerbates the trauma. It is very rare for a narcissist to permanently change these behaviors, especially without substantive counseling.
Ultimately, those considering a relationship with a narcissist should have very modest expectations when it comes to fidelity, empathy, or relationship reciprocity. In most cases, those impacted by narcissistic cheating are better served by ending the relationship and seeking support to recover and rebuild their self-esteem.