Narcissists and empaths often find themselves in relationships together. This can seem surprising since narcissists and empaths have very different personality traits and motivations. However, there are several key reasons why narcissists are drawn to empaths.
Empaths are compassionate and forgiving
A core trait of empaths is their compassion. Empaths intuitively understand other people’s feelings and motivations. They are very forgiving and non-judgmental. This is attractive to narcissists because it means the empath is less likely to criticize or challenge the narcissist. The empath’s open-hearted nature makes them an appealing target for narcissists looking for validation.
Empaths are great listeners
Empaths are very attentive and invested listeners. They focus completely on the speaker, without interruption or judgement. The empathy makes the listener feel heard and understood. This is very appealing to narcissists, who often lack true emotional connections in their lives. Having an empath who listens carefully and validates their feelings provides narcissistic supply and strokes their ego.
Empaths constantly try to help others
Due to their caring nature, empaths are driven to help people in need, including narcissists. Empaths will go out of their way to try to “fix” the narcissist or make them happy. The empath feels needed by the narcissist which gives them a sense of purpose. However, this one-sided dynamic ultimately leaves the empath drained. The narcissist takes advantage of the empath’s giving nature.
Empaths trust and see the good in others
Empaths search for the good in people. Even when faced with narcissistic manipulation and abuse, empaths cling to the belief that the narcissist is capable of change. The empath feels they can “heal” the narcissist with enough love, care and patience. Unfortunately this blind faith leaves empaths vulnerable to further exploitation. The narcissist sees this trust as naivete to be exploited, not as a gift to reciprocate.
Empaths absorb emotions
As highly sensitive people, empaths absorb the emotions of others instinctively. This includes the narcissist’s emotions. Essentially, the empath does the “emotional labor” for the relationship so the narcissist doesn’t have to deal with their own feelings. The dynamic creates a false sense of intimacy for both parties. The empath feels they “know” the narcissist and have an intimate bond since they feel the narcissist’s emotions. The narcissist feels soothed and validated by the empath’s emotional understanding. But in reality, true intimacy and reciprocation are missing.
Empaths crave harmony and avoiding conflict
Conflict and disharmony are upsetting for empaths. Therefore, empaths are prone to being people pleasers and avoiding conflict at all costs. Narcissists are adept at exploiting this tendency. They push boundaries and manipulate the empath, knowing that the empath will avoid confronting them. The empath does not want to disrupt the harmony of the relationship so they allow the dynamic to continue even when it hurts them.
Empaths are loyal and devoted partners
Once an empath commits to a relationship they tend to be loyal and devoted partners. They pour everything into making the relationship work. The empath’s loving presence provides continuous admiration and approval that feeds the narcissist’s ego. The empath sticks around much longer than most despite seeing the narcissist’s true colors. The narcissist exploits this commitment even as they devalue the empath and the relationship.
Empaths have blurred personal boundaries
Because empaths absorb other people’s emotions they often have blurred personal boundaries. They have a hard time distinguishing between their own emotions and those of others. They have trouble setting healthy limits and saying “no”. The narcissist uses this to their advantage, manipulating the empath to meet their needs without regard for the empath’s wellbeing. The empath’s porous boundaries allow them to be drawn further into the narcissist’s web.
Empaths try to get narcissists to self-reflect
Empaths care deeply about personal growth. They try to get narcissists to reflect on their behaviors and make positive changes through open communication. Unfortunately narcissists are unable to engage in meaningful self-reflection or take accountability for their actions. The narcissist will humour the empath in the moment and pretend to listen. But ultimately they are just manipulating the empath to meet their agenda. When the empath realizes the futility of their efforts, they feel even more hurt and betrayed.
Empaths are highly responsive
Empaths are often highly expressive and emotionally responsive compared to narcissists. When the empath shows positive emotional reactions such as happiness, passion and excitement in response to the narcissist’s presence, the narcissist feels validated. The empath’s expressions of joy, pain or outrage in response to the narcissist’s devaluation become “narcissistic supply”. The empath’s animated emotional responsiveness keeps the narcissist coming back again and again.
Empaths and codependency
Many empaths struggle with codependency issues due to their caring nature. They feel responsible for the narcissist and compelled to help them. The more coldness and abuse is thrown at them, the harder they try to “fix” the relationship. This codependent pattern benefits the narcissist who gets their needs met without having to reciprocate or treat the empath well. The empath keeps abandoning their own needs in fruitless efforts to please the narcissist.
Conclusion
In summary, narcissists are attracted to empaths due to their compassion, loyalty, and willingness to placate and forgive. Empaths are drawn to narcissists hoping to heal them, even as they are being exploited. Understanding these destructive relationship patterns is the first step to empowering empaths to develop healthy self-worth and boundaries.