Narcissism is a personality trait characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, a lack of empathy, and a need for admiration. Narcissists tend to have an excessive interest in themselves and often engage in attention-seeking behaviors. One common behavior seen in many narcissists is a tendency to cheat or be unfaithful in romantic relationships. There are several key reasons why narcissists are more likely to cheat:
They feel entitled
One of the hallmark traits of narcissism is a sense of entitlement and belief they deserve special privileges and treatment. This sense of entitlement can extend to relationships, where narcissists feel they are owed affection, intimacy, and fidelity from their partner, but don’t feel obligated to reciprocate these things. They take their partner for granted and feel entitled to seek gratification outside of the relationship.
They lack empathy
Narcissists demonstrate a pronounced lack of empathy and consideration for others. They are focused on their own needs and desires and are largely oblivious to their partner’s needs. This self-centeredness leads them to cheat without concern for how it might affect their partner. They simply don’t care enough to remain faithful.
They crave validation
Narcissists have a constant need for validation and admiration from others. This need doesn’t go away even if they are in a committed relationship. Cheating provides an outlet to get validation and attention from new sources. Pursuing affairs allows them to exert power over and get affirmation from multiple partners.
They fear intimacy
Though narcissists crave being the center of attention, they actually fear true emotional intimacy and vulnerability. Maintaining emotional distance and limiting intimacy allows them to exert control. Cheating provides excitement without requiring emotional investment. By pursuing multiple shallow relationships, they avoid committing fully to one person.
They lack relationship skills
Narcissists Often lack skills to sustain long-term relationships. They aren’t willing to communicate openly, compromise, and resolve conflicts in constructive ways. Their self absorption also makes them impatient with their partner’s needs. When faced with boredom or conflict in the relationship, they turn to cheating rather than address the issues.
Do all narcissists cheat?
While narcissists are more prone to cheating, it doesn’t mean every narcissist is unfaithful. There are contributing factors that determine whether or not a narcissistic partner will cheat:
Degree of narcissism
There is a spectrum when it comes to narcissism. Not all narcissists demonstrate these traits to the same extent. Individuals higher on the narcissistic spectrum are more likely to cheat compared to those lower on the spectrum. Those with full-blown Narcissistic Personality Disorder tend to demonstrate chronic infidelity.
Opportunity
Narcissists with greater power, status and opportunity are more likely to have affairs. Those admired by others are in a better position to find willing affair partners compared to narcissists lacking money, clout or charm.
Self control
Some narcissists have better impulse control and foresight to recognize consequences. They may still feel the urge to cheat but exercise restraint to avoid jeopardizing the relationship. Their sense of entitlement isn’t so extreme that they will always act on urges.
Relationship satisfaction
Narcissists whose partners adequately meet their needs for admiration, sex, resources etc. are less likely to cheat. They may still flirt with others, but won’t pursue full-blown affairs if the relationship provides sufficient satisfaction. Lack of satisfaction increases risk of straying.
| Narcissistic Traits | Likelihood of Cheating |
|---|---|
| High sense of entitlement | Higher |
| Lack of empathy | Higher |
| Craving validation | Higher |
| Fear of intimacy | Higher |
| Poor relationship skills | Higher |
This table summarizes how key narcissistic traits increase the likelihood of cheating.
How do narcissists behave when cheating?
When a narcissist engages in infidelity, there are typical behaviors that can emerge:
They gaslight
When confronted about cheating, narcissists commonly engage in gaslighting and denial. This involves lying, distorting the truth, and trying to make their partner feel crazy for suspecting infidelity. Their sense of entitlement leads them to feel justified in cheating, so they have no remorse.
They blameshift
Narcissists avoid taking responsibility for cheating and instead blame their partner. They claim the partner didn’t meet their needs, was controlling, caused them to stray, or point to other reasons why their cheating is not their fault.
They conceal information
To continue carrying on affairs, narcissists go to great lengths to hide their activities from their partner. This can involve outright lying, sneaking around, maintaining secret communications channels, and leading a double life. They feel entitled to avoid consequences.
They flaunt new supplies
In some cases, narcissists intentionally flaunt new romantic partners through public displays of affection, social media posts, etc. By showing off new “supplies” they are triangulating to make their partner jealous and prove their own desirability.
They lack remorse
Due to their exaggerated sense of entitlement and lack of empathy, narcissists generally show little remorse for the pain their cheating causes. They are annoyed by their partner’s hurt reaction rather than apologetic. They may fake apologies, but quickly return to infidelity.
Signs a narcissistic partner may be cheating
There are often red flags that hint a narcissistic partner may be engaging in infidelity or on the verge of an affair:
Sudden increased secrecy
They change passwords, guard cell phones, hide credit card statements, receipts, etc. and offer unlikely explanations for their secretive behavior.
Frequent unexplained absences
They claim to be working late, running errands, or visiting friends when they are really meeting up with an affair partner.
Excessive grooming/shopping
They may devote increased time and money on appearance including new haircuts, wardrobe, lingerie, gym routines and diets to look attractive for someone new.
Picking fights
Starting arguments and claiming you are “suffocating” them may be an attempt to justify pursuing affairs.
Less interest in intimacy
Cheating partners often avoid genuine emotional and physical intimacy with their spouse as they save it for the affair partner.
Blaming you more
Petty criticisms and insults increase as they rewrite relationship history to make you the problem. This excuses their cheating.
Why is it so hard to leave a cheating narcissist?
Even when they cheat, it can be incredibly challenging to break free from a narcissistic partner. Reasons it’s hard to leave include:
Trauma bonding
The belittling, gaslighting and intermittent affection creates a trauma bond making it hard to break free. The highs and lows are addictive.
Self-blame
Their manipulations often cause partners internalize blame, thinking they must deserve the treatment or caused the cheating.
Financial control
The narcissist may exert financial power making the partner financially dependent and unable to leave.
Believing false promises
When caught, narcissists often make empty promises to change. Their charm and lies saying it will never happen again hooks the partner.
Feeling unable to live without them
The narcissistic partner systematically destroys the partner’s self-esteem making them feel unworthy of love from someone else.
Fear
Partners may fear the narcissist will retaliate with violence, legal action or by turning others against them if they try to leave.
How to leave a narcissist who cheats
It takes great inner strength and support to leave a narcissist who cheats. Some tips:
Seek support
Don’t isolate. Spend more time with empathetic friends/relatives and seek counseling to rebuild self-worth.
Disengage
Interact less with the narcissist whenever possible and set firm boundaries to avoid getting drawn into their drama.
Document incidents
Keep records of their abuse, infidelity and threats in case you need evidence later for legal proceedings.
Cut financial ties
Open your own accounts and build financial independence so you don’t feel trapped.
Make an exit plan
Line up a place to stay, transfer important documents/records, and arrange logistics so you can leave smoothly when ready.
Get legal help
Consult an attorney so you know your rights regarding separation of assets, child custody, and harassment.
Seek therapy
Work with a professional to process trauma, boost self-esteem and set patterns to avoid repeating the cycle.
Conclusion
In summary, the core narcissistic traits of entitlement, lack of empathy, need for validation, and fear of intimacy lead many narcissists to cheat chronically and unapologetically on romantic partners. While not all narcissists do cheat, they are high risk due to these ingrained personality tendencies. When they do cheat, they employ manipulative tactics to avoid responsibility and continue affairs. Recognizing red flags is key, and obtaining support and legal guidance are essential steps to escaping the turmoil of a cheating narcissistic partner for a healthier future.