It’s a common relationship dilemma – you think a guy is into you, but then he starts acting distant or giving mixed signals. So why do men send such confusing messages? There are a few key reasons that experts say cause men to give mixed signals.
He’s keeping his options open
One of the most common reasons a man may give mixed signals is that he wants to keep his options open when it comes to dating and relationships. A guy who is interested but non-committal may continue flirting with you while also flirting with other women. This way, he doesn’t have to fully commit to you, but he can still enjoy the attention and companionship.
For some men, juggling multiple dating options is a way to avoid getting too emotionally invested too soon. Others may just be conflicted about what they want. Either way, it often leaves the woman confused if she’s looking for something more serious. Signs he’s keeping his options open include:
- Acting very interested and affectionate one day, then distant the next
- Only making last minute plans with you
- Frequently cancelling or changing plans
- Not introducing you to his friends or family
- Being vague about his relationship status
He has commitment issues
Fear of commitment is another common reason men give mixed signals. If he’s been hurt in the past, has serious trust issues, or has a non-committal relationship style, a man may pull away the minute a relationship starts heating up. When his interest is sparked, he’ll come on strong. But as soon as it starts to feel “real,” he’ll withdraw and create distance.
Other signs he has commitment issues:
- He avoids any conversations about the future/your relationship
- He’s extremely private and doesn’t open up emotionally
- He date-hops from woman to woman
- He’s resistant to exclusivity
He’s not that interested
Sometimes a man really isn’t feeling that strong of a connection, but he also isn’t ready to fully break things off. So he ends up giving just enough attention to keep you intrigued, while also maintaining his distance.
Signs he’s just not feeling it:
- He doesn’t make an effort to reach out first
- Conversations fizzle out quickly
- He doesn’t ask follow up questions or seem engaged
- Dates feel platonic rather than romantic
- There’s no physical contact or intimacy
If you feel like you’re always making the effort, he’s likely just not that interested romantically. But some men have a hard time being direct about ending things, so they give mixed signals instead.
He wants to take it slow
Sometimes mixed signals simply mean he wants to take the relationship at a slower pace. While you might be ready to DTR (define the relationship), he may still be figuring out his feelings. Or if he’s been burned before, a man might need more time before fully opening up again.
Signs he wants to take things slowly:
- He seems super interested during dates, then needs a few days to recharge
- He opens up over time vs. all at once
- He focuses on getting to know you before increasing physical intimacy
- He hints about wanting something long-term but isn’t rushing into it
Letting a connection unfold organically instead of pushing for definitions or commitment right away is reasonable for some men. The key is whether his actions ultimately align with his words as he gets more comfortable.
He runs hot and cold
Have you ever dated a guy who seems obsessed one day, then acts ice cold the next? This “hot and cold” behavior is another common reason men give mixed signals. One day everything is great between you, the next it’s radio silence.
Hot and cold behavior may stem from:
- Avoidant attachment styles
- Narcissistic or emotionally immature tendencies
- Unresolved mood disorders like depression or anxiety
- A desire to manipulate you or keep the upper hand
Regardless of the cause, hot and cold signals indicate poor relationship material. Some other red flags include:
- Love bombing then withdrawing attention and affection
- Blowing hot and cold after intimacy
- Starting arguments or drama for no reason
- Projecting mood swings and anger onto you
- Gaslighting behavior
If you notice extreme hot and cold cycles, it may be best to end things sooner rather than tolerate the emotional rollercoaster.
He feels pressured
Another reason for mixed signals – he feels anxious about meeting your expectations. This may especially apply if you’re moving fast or making assumptions about where the relationship is headed. For example:
- Talking about moving in together or getting married too soon
- Bringing him to work functions as your boyfriend before you’ve had that talk
- Pushing to meet his family after a few dates
- Asking “Where is this going?” too early on
When a man feels pressured to get serious before he’s ready, he may give mixed signals or pull back. It’s normal to show interest of course. But moving too fast can spook someone who needs more time.
He’s hot and bothered
Okay, so sometimes mixed signals have a simpler explanation – physical attraction. Arousal and sexual interest can make men act out of character. When a man is really into you, his logic and reason go out the window.
Signs he’s just very sexually interested:
- He initiates constant flirting and sexual banter
- Your dates are steamy makeout sessions
- He sends racy texts, pics or videos
- He mostly compliments your looks, body, sexiness
- His mind goes blank when passions run high
While intoxicating, this level of fiery passion can be fleeting. So if the relationship seems all about lust, it likely won’t progress further. Great sex is important, but look for other meaningful forms of connection too.
He has a fearful avoidant attachment style
Attachment theory provides another useful lens for understanding mixed signals. According to attachment science, people generally fall into one of three main “attachment styles:”
- Secure – Comfortable with intimacy. Doesn’t fear commitment.
- Anxious – Preoccupied with relationships. Worries about abandonment.
- Avoidant – Values independence. Fears too much closeness.
The avoidant style is most likely to send mixed relationship signals. Avoidants instinctively pull away when someone gets too close. But they also crave intimacy deep down. This creates hot and cold signals as they bounce between seeking closeness and needing space.
Avoidants come in two flavors:
- Dismissive avoidants – Uncomfortable with intimacy but act detached. Suppress emotions.
- Fearful avoidants – Deeply desire closeness but fear getting hurt. Handle intimacy poorly.
So a fearful avoidant badly wants a relationship. But when things progress, he gets scared and withdraws. Then the cycle repeats. This creates frustrating mixed signals and instability.
He doesn’t know what he wants
The simplest explanation for mixed signals is also the most innocent – the guy is still figuring out what he wants. Maybe he just got out of a long relationship. Or he’s been burned and is rebuilding trust. Or he enjoys you but isn’t sure if it’s a forever connection.
If a man is sending blended signals, it may just mean:
- He’s still licking his wounds from past relationships
- He’s testing the waters with you and seeing how it goes
- He’s genuinely torn about what he’s looking for
- He cares but doesn’t fully trust his feelings yet
When a man needs space to process his emotions, mixed signals are common. The difference is whether he eventually gains clarity, or keeps delaying a commitment while beneficiaries from your attention. Pay attention to whether his behavior starts matching his words over time as the best indication.
How to handle mixed signals
If you’re dealing with a mixed signaler, here are some tips to handle it while protecting yourself:
- Don’t make assumptions or push for definitions too fast. Let his interest and investment reveal themselves.
- Pay more attention to his actions than his words. Words are easily manipulated.
- Encourage open communication. Request he be direct about his level of interest.
- Don’t over-invest emotionally or physically unless he has earned it and matched that investment.
- Date others until he commits to exclusivity.
- Set healthy boundaries around consistency and reliability.
- Limit contact if needed to create space for clarity.
- Let him pursue you. Mixed signals indicate low interest or poor relationship skills.
The beginning should be the easy, fun part. If it’s already this complicated, take it as feedback about potential incompatibility. Don’t be quick to commit unless his actions justify it.
Conclusion
At the end of the day, the reason doesn’t matter so much. What matters is how well his overall behavior aligns with your needs. The right man at the right time won’t leave you constantly confused or make you chase his affection. If you’re getting strong mixed signals, he’s likely not the one – or at minimum, he has work to do before he’s ready for a relationship.
Trust actions over words always. And don’t be afraid to walk away and find someone who can meet you at your level. You deserve to feel wanted and have your needs fulfilled too.