It’s not uncommon to find yourself ignoring or avoiding someone you actually really like. While it may seem counterintuitive, there are a number of reasons why you might engage in this type of behavior when you have feelings for someone. Recognizing why you are ignoring your crush can help you overcome this barrier and potentially move the relationship forward.
You are afraid of rejection
One of the most common reasons people ignore or avoid their crushes is fear of rejection. Opening up to someone you have feelings for makes you very vulnerable. You may be terrified that if you engage with this person, they will explicitly reject you or that you will somehow expose your feelings and scare them off. By avoiding and ignoring your crush altogether, you protect yourself from having to experience that potential heartbreak and embarrassment of rejection head-on.
Some signs you are ignoring someone due to fear of rejection include:
- You are fine interacting with this person in group settings, but shy away from one-on-one interactions.
- You avoid initiating contact with your crush, but will carry on contact if they reach out first.
- You get nervous or freeze up when you are around this person.
Unfortunately, while this avoidance protects you from rejection, it also prevents you from making any progress and meaningfully connecting with your crush. It’s a defensive strategy that minimizes risk but also prevents reward.
You don’t feel good enough for them
In other cases, people avoid their crushes because they have low self-esteem and don’t believe they are good enough for the other person. You may think things like:
- “They’re so far out of my league.”
- “Once they get to know me, they won’t be interested.”
- “I’m too boring/unattractive/awkward for them.”
Rather than face the inevitable judgment and rejection, you avoid interacting with your crush altogether to protect your self esteem.
Signs you are avoiding someone because of insecurity include:
- You instantly assume your crush could not possibly be attracted to you.
- You obsess over perceived flaws and shortcomings when you think about this person.
- When you do interact with your crush, you feel immediate self-consciousness.
Unfortunately, when you act out of insecurity, you also thwart any chance of forming a connection. Without putting yourself out there, your crush doesn’t have the chance to get to know and appreciate you.
You don’t actually want a relationship
In some situations, people realize they aren’t truly open or available to date someone even if they have feelings for that person. Life circumstances may make pursuing a relationship seem undesirable or unwise. For example:
- You may be focused on other goals like school or your career that make you unable or unwilling to devote time to dating.
- You could still be getting over or living with someone else like an ex or family member.
- Your living situation may be transient soon so you don’t want to start a relationship.
- You have fears about relationships from past trauma and heartbreak.
Because of these barriers, you stop yourself from engaging with your crush even though you genuinely do like them. Signs this might describe your situation include:
- You fantasize about this person but can’t imagine actually dating them.
- When you think about getting closer, you feel immediate anxiety, guilt, anger or sadness.
- You have an avoidant attachment style and unconsciously sabotage relationships.
In these cases, ignoring your crush protects you from starting something you feel deep down you can’t fully commit to right now.
You don’t know how to move forward
Many people struggle with how to move things forward after developing feelings for a friend or acquaintance. After the initial attraction forms, it’s confusing to know how to appropriately act on those feelings, especially if you don’t know if the other person feels the same way. Out of uncertainty, you may:
- Freeze up and start ignoring your crush.
- Mask your feelings in nervous joking or aloofness.
- Wait endlessly for the other person to make the first move.
Some signs you are stalling due to lack of clarity on next steps include:
- You overanalyze every interaction looking for signs of returned interest.
- You want to say how you feel but constantly second guess if it’s the right time.
- When you talk to this person your mind goes blank.
Holding yourself back prevents the awkwardness of expressing interest when it may not be reciprocated. But it also stops any progress and growth in the relationship.
You are playing hard to get
Some people purposefully ignore or act indifferent towards someone they like in order to play hard to get. This is a strategy used to increase perceived value and desirability. By seeming unavailable, you create a challenge and mystery for the other person to solve. Signs this tactic may describe you include:
- You flirt with your crush, then intentionally avoid or ignore them for a period of time.
- You post things to make them jealous and wonder about you.
- You overexaggerate how busy and unavailable you are.
This game-playing can work initially. But taken too far, it can make your crush believe you’re not actually interested. It can also backfire by coming across as manipulative.
You are buying time to learn more
Early on when feelings develop, it’s normal to want more time to gain information about the other person before revealing your interest. By initially ignoring your crush, you get the space to:
- Observe how they interact with others.
- Build up the courage to have longer and deeper conversations.
- Figure out if you have genuine compatibility.
Signs this motive may explain your behavior:
- You don’t avoid your crush entirely, but limit your interactions and engagement.
- You fish for information about them from mutual connections.
- You feel you need just a bit more certainty before sharing your feelings.
A little initial holding back is wise. But make sure you don’t wait so long that the other person loses interest themselves.
You have an avoidant attachment style
On a deeper level, some people unconsciously ignore and distance themselves from romantic interests due to their attachment style. Those with an avoidant attachment tend to equate intimacy with a loss of independence and freedom. When someone gets too emotionally close, they begin to feel trapped, fearful or smothered. Out of this anxiety, they create distance from partners and love interests.
Signs of an avoidant attachment igniting distancing behaviors include:
- You crave love but begin feeling doubt, restlessness or irritation when a relationship progresses.
- You view emotional intimacy as risky and distressing.
- You strictly limit expressions of vulnerability out of a dislike of feeling dependent.
If you recognize this pattern in your life, seeking help from a therapist can be extremely beneficial for understanding yourself and overcoming avoidant tendencies.
Conclusion
Ultimately, ignoring or avoiding someone you genuinely like is a self-protective behavior rooted in fear – whether conscious or unconscious. It aims to minimize perceived risk but also prevents emotional rewards.
If you recognize yourself in this pattern, the healthiest thing is to search your feelings, understand the source of hesitance, and see if it can be overcome. With self-awareness and courage, you can start to take steps toward authentic connection. This frees you from a prison of your own making and opens up new vistas of possibility.