It’s normal to feel overwhelmed by crying
It’s completely normal to feel frustrated or even angry when your baby cries for long periods. A baby’s constant crying can be grating and stressful for any parent. The sound triggers an automatic physiological response, releasing stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. These hormones amp up your feelings of annoyance and anxiety.
This is an innate biological response that evolved to spur caregivers into action when a vulnerable baby needs attention. In small doses, these aggravated feelings can motivate you to soothe your little one. However, prolonged periods of inconsolable crying can make any parent feel utterly overwhelmed.
Lack of sleep compounds negative emotions
New parents already operate in a state of perpetual exhaustion. The average newborn wakes up every 2-3 hours around the clock. This frequent nighttime waking prevents parents from getting adequate sleep. Studies show that sleep deprivation leads to emotional volatility. Minor frustrations feel amplified when you’re running on fumes. If your baby’s cries interrupt what little sleep you’re getting, it’s that much harder to maintain your cool.
Crying can trigger painful memories
For some parents, a baby’s intense cries can bring up difficult memories from their own childhood. If you grew up in a chaotic household or endured emotional neglect, your baby’s crying may subconsciously remind you of feeling abandoned, frustrated, or powerless. These latent emotions from the past can bubble up when you hear your own child in distress. Even if you consciously want to be more patient, painful experiences from your early life can make it harder.
Hormonal factors impact mood
Fluctuating hormones after childbirth also affect mood. Postpartum depression and anxiety affect around 1 in 8 women. Irritability and anger are common symptoms. Crying episodes that you could normally take in stride feel intolerable when you’re experiencing depression, anxiety, or rage caused by hormonal shifts. If your emotions feel out of proportion to the situation, consult your doctor about postpartum mental health concerns.
Tips for coping with anger
It’s perfectly natural to get angry when you’re operating on zero sleep and jangled nerves. But giving in to feelings of rage and frustration only makes the situation worse. Here are some tips for staying calm when the crying gets to you:
Take breaks
Put your baby in a safe place like a crib, close the door, and step outside for a few minutes to decompress. Deep breathing in the fresh air can work wonders. Carefully set a timer if needed, so you don’t lose track of time while you cool off.
Call in reinforcements
Ask your partner, a family member, friend, or paid helper to take over for a while. Caring for a colicky or high-needs baby is too much for one person to handle round the clock.
Wear noise-canceling headphones
Pop on some headphones and listen to music or a meditation app. Muffling the intensity of the cries brings your stress levels down. You can keep supervising your baby while giving your ears a break.
Exercise
Jogging, yoga, or other solo exercise lets you take a mental break and release pent-up frustration in a healthy way.
Confide in other parents
Connect with friends, family, or an online parenting group. Knowing you’re not alone in your irritation is validating. Other moms and dads may have genius soothing ideas you haven’t tried.
See a counselor
If anger feels uncontrollable, talk to a professional. A counselor can give you coping strategies, help address past trauma, and provide support. Your doctor may recommend medication if postpartum depression or anxiety is contributing.
Communicate needs clearly
Tell your partner or other loved ones exactly how they can help when you’re feeling overwhelmed. Don’t downplay the depth of your frustration. Keeping it bottled up will make it worse.
Remember the good
When you’re in the thick of an epic crying session, it feels eternal. But it will pass. Remind yourself of the sweet times you have together between meltdowns.
Be patient and loving with yourself
You’re not a bad parent for feeling upset. Crying pushes everyone’s limits sometimes. Show yourself the same gentleness and understanding you show your baby.
Why do babies cry?
To understand why your baby’s crying makes you see red, it helps to first understand why babies cry so much in general. Here are some of the main reasons newborns and infants cry:
Hunger
Hunger is one of the most common reasons babies cry. Newborns need to eat as often as every 2-3 hours. Crying ramps up around usual feeding times or if feedings are delayed.
Dirty or wet diaper
Babies can’t stand that damp, dirty feeling any better than adults can! Discomfort from a soiled diaper can make babies fussy.
Tiredness
When babies need sleep but fight it, the result is cranky crying. Learning your child’s tired signals helps you get them down before they melt down.
Overstimulation
Too much light, noise, activity, or interaction overwhelms young babies. They cry to escape from sensory overload.
Pain or illness
Crying can be the only way for preverbal babies to communicate physical discomfort. Check for signs of illness or pain if crying seems extreme.
Need for comfort
Babies thrive on physical touch and affection. If they feel lonely or disconnected, crying brings caretakers close.
Boredom
Older babies cry from boredom once their awareness expands. Make sure to stimulate their senses and curiosities.
Frustration
Around age 6-8 months, infants get frustrated when they can’t move their bodies the way they want. Support their efforts to grasp objects, roll over, sit up, etc.
How much is normal?
It’s normal for a healthy, well-fed baby to cry for up to three hours per day on average. Crying peaks around 6-8 weeks then decreases dramatically at 12 weeks as babies become more settled. Time frames are different for babies with colic or other issues causing excessive crying. Here’s a table with guidelines on normal crying by age:
| Age | Normal crying per day (hours) |
|---|---|
| Newborn (0-2 weeks) | 0-2 |
| 6-8 weeks | 2-3 |
| 3-4 months | 1-1.5 |
| 4-5 months | 0.5-1 |
| 6+ months | 0-0.5 |
If your baby cries significantly more than these averages, speak to your pediatrician. Excessive crying could indicate issues like reflux, allergies, or an ear infection.
When to seek help
Occasional frustration is expected, but uncontrolled anger is deeply concerning. Please reach out for help right away if:
– You have any urge to harm your baby, yourself, or others.
– You shake or handle your baby roughly without supporting their head and neck.
– You fear you may lose control and harm your child.
– You have intrusive thoughts about hurting your baby.
– Your anger results in screaming, threats, or violence toward loved ones.
– You have suicidal thoughts.
Your baby needs a healthy, stable parent. There are many compassionate professionals ready to help you through this challenging time. With support, you will get through it and forge a beautiful bond with your little one.
Conclusion
It’s frustrating for any parent when a baby cries excessively. Screaming can fill you with stress hormones and aggravate already frayed nerves from sleep deprivation. Physical discomfort, developmental leaps, temperament, and health issues all spur babies to cry. While anger is understandable, it’s essential to stay calm and employ coping techniques. With time, the crying will subside as your baby matures. Reach out for help if you’re struggling to manage emotions. Your baby needs you, and support is available.