Love is a powerful emotion that can make you feel like you’re floating on air one minute and sick to your stomach the next. The highs and lows of romance can be thrilling, but also very stressful on both your body and mind. When you’re falling for someone, it’s natural to get butterflies in your stomach and feel anxious as you hope for the affection to be reciprocated. However, if you’re constantly stressed, not sleeping or eating well, losing weight, or even feeling nauseous around your romantic partner, then this points to a deeper issue.
There are a few key reasons why you may feel physically ill when you’re in love:
Anxiety and nerves
The early stages of romance often go hand in hand with anxiety. You may feel your heart race, your palms sweat, and your stomach flip whenever you think about your crush or new partner. This is because falling in love activates your “fight or flight” stress response. Your brain is on high alert, your adrenal glands pump out stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline, and your body reacts with nervous symptoms.
For many people, these feelings subside once the relationship becomes more stable. But if you continue to feel extremely anxious, you may have an anxiety disorder that is exacerbating the normal nerves of new love. Likewise, if your partner is making you feel unsafe or you’re worried about losing them, this emotional turmoil can make you sick.
Depression
While love lifts your mood in many ways, it can also trigger depressive symptoms. The emotionally-draining highs and lows of romance can leave you feeling exhausted and empty. Depression affects your whole body, and common symptoms are headaches, stomach problems, sleep issues, changes in appetite, and fatigue.
If you had underlying depression before falling in love, you may find your symptoms worsen with the relationship stress. Love also unleashes powerful neurotransmitters like dopamine. Coming down from those highs can plunge you into depression. If your partner is inattentive or pulling away, it’s natural for your mood to sink too. This rollercoaster can certainly make you feel ill.
Low self-esteem
Struggles with self-love and acceptance often underpin relationship issues. If you have low self-esteem, you may be dependent on your partner for validation. This causes clinginess, irrational jealousy, and a constant fear of them leaving you. Trying to protect your relationship at all costs is exhausting.
This strain on your body from the non-stop worrying can make you feel downright sick. Furthermore, if your partner criticizes you or flirts with others, it can gut your already-fragile self-esteem. This rejection can easily lead to psychosomatic symptoms.
Unmet needs
For the relationship to thrive long-term, it must meet your core emotional needs for intimacy, companionship, security, etc. If these needs aren’t fulfilled, you’ll instinctively feel “sick” and unhappy. This promotes detachment from your partner or clinginess as you desperately try to get those needs met.
For example, if your partner lacks empathy or doesn’t comfort you when you’re upset, your bonding and attachment needs go unfulfilled. If they often cancel plans, your intimacy needs may be neglected too. This “emotional starvation” feels awful and can cause upset stomach, headaches, insomnia, and more.
Hormone changes
Falling in love sparks huge hormone changes that powerfully impact your body. For instance, dopamine and norepinephrine surge to make you feel energized, focused, and euphoric around this person. But too much norepinephrine can also make you jittery, on-edge, and sick to your stomach.
Drops in serotonin lead to obsessive thinking about your partner. Low serotonin also wrecks your sleep, appetite, digestion, and mood stability. Furthermore, the “love hormone” oxytocin helps you bond with your partner. But it also lowers cortisol, weakening your immune response so you’re more prone to feeling under the weather.
When is love sickness a problem?
It’s common to occasionally feel queasy or lightheaded when you have an exciting date planned with your crush or partner. But if you regularly feel sick for hours or days around this person, it’s time to take a closer look at the relationship. Consider if any of the following apply:
- You feel too anxious to eat or keep food down when with your partner
- You have panic attacks in their presence
- Severe headaches, stomach pain, body aches that doctors can’t fully explain
- Constant exhaustion, insomnia, weight changes since the relationship started
- You cry often and feel emotionally depleted
- Your partner pressures or confuses you about the relationship status
- You stay with them despite chronic unhappiness and stress
This level of emotional and physical distress is a red flag you may be with the wrong person or struggling in the dynamic. It’s essential to pinpoint the root issues making you “lovesick” so you can start to heal.
How to feel better when love makes you sick
If your partner truly cares for you, they should be willing to work together to ease your lovesickness. With commitment and courage, you can get your relationship back on track. Here are some top tips for recovering:
Communicate openly
Tell your partner exactly why you feel anxious and sick. Explain your deepest worries so they understand your pain. Perhaps couple’s therapy would help too. The key is honest communication so they can reassure you.
Set boundaries
Stand up for yourself if they mistreat you, flirt with others, or break promises. Explain which behaviors you won’t tolerate and the consequences if boundaries are crossed again. Healthy relationships require mutual care, trust, and respect.
Meet your own needs first
Don’t make your partner the sole source of your joy, security, social life, etc. Nurture outside friendships, hobbies, career goals. Keep up self-care basics like exercising and eating well. Work on your self-esteem. This takes pressure off the relationship.
Manage anxiety symptoms
See a doctor to rule out underlying illness. Therapies like CBT, meditation, and exercise can all help lower relationship anxiety. Set worries aside and just enjoy the moment when together.
Consider counseling
If poor mental health or unresolved trauma sabotage the dynamic, get professional help. Individual or couples counseling can give you tactics to communicate better, express your needs, manage conflicts, and feel more secure.
Let go of toxicity
While compromise is wise, some people are toxic for you. If your partner chronically disrespects you or makes you feel terrible about yourself, it may be time to let go. Surround yourself with people who bring out your best. Your wellbeing comes first.
| Cause of Feeling Sick | Solution |
|---|---|
| Anxiety and Nerves | Relaxation techniques, professional help for anxiety disorders |
| Depression | Therapy, medication, exercise, spending time on hobbies |
| Low Self-Esteem | Working on self-love and acceptance, limiting criticism/rejection |
| Unmet Needs | Communicating needs clearly, leaving if partner doesn’t meet them |
| Hormone Changes | Stress management, healthy lifestyle, bonding time with partner |
When to seek medical help
Mild anxiety or blue moods are normal in relationships. But if your symptoms are severe, seek medical support. Connect with your doctor, therapist, or counselor right away if you experience:
- Racing heart, trouble breathing, fainting
- Panic attacks
- Suicidal thoughts
- Feeling like you’re losing touch with reality
- Depression that hinders work, relationships, activities
- Inability to keep food/fluids down
- Frequent vomiting, diarrhea
- Severe pain, dizziness, fatigue
Getting the right treatment plan can help you feel emotionally and physically well again. You don’t have to suffer through lovesickness alone. Prioritize self-care and know your worth. With courage and support, you’ll get back to a healthy place.
Conclusion
It’s perfectly normal to get some tummy flutters or feel a bit nervous around someone you’re crushing on. But if your anxiety is so severe that you feel physically ill, then love is weighing on you too heavily. Listen to what your body is telling you. You may need to set firmer boundaries in the relationship, improve communication of your needs, or ultimately let go of someone toxic. Reach out for psychological help and medical support if you’re struggling with depression, panic attacks, or other worrying symptoms. Nurture your self-esteem beyond the relationship. Take bold steps to create the healthy, fulfilling love you deserve – so love can make you feel alive instead of sick.