It’s not uncommon to struggle to find the right words to describe your emotions. Many people feel like they can’t adequately explain or articulate their inner experiences. There are a few key reasons why verbalizing feelings can be so challenging:
Emotions are complex
Human emotions are incredibly nuanced and multi-layered. We can experience anger, sadness, fear, joy, and other feelings all at once or in rapid succession. This complexity makes emotions difficult to untangle and elucidate. It’s hard to identify, differentiate, and communicate the subtleties of what we’re feeling inside.
We lack emotional awareness
To communicate feelings, you first need to be aware of them yourself. Many people have low emotional awareness – they don’t recognize or identify their own emotions well. Without understanding what you’re feeling in the moment, it’s virtually impossible to explain it to someone else. Improving self-awareness is key.
Emotions are partly non-verbal
Emotions are experienced and expressed through more than just words. Body language, facial expressions, tone of voice, behaviors, and physiological responses all play a role too. When you’re flooded with emotion, it can be hard to capture the full experience in words alone. The non-verbal parts get lost in translation.
We avoid uncomfortable emotions
Humans naturally tend to suppress or avoid uncomfortable emotions like anger, sadness, shame, and vulnerability. We may subconsciously block ourselves from digging into these feelings or opening up about them. This avoidance makes it even more challenging to access and articulate negative emotions.
Lack of emotion vocabulary
To explain our feelings, we need the vocabulary and language to map emotions into words. Some people have a narrow emotional vocabulary and don’t know words beyond basics like “happy,” “sad,” and “angry.” Learning a fuller vocabulary of emotion terms can help expand descriptive ability.
Fear of judgment or rejection
Being vulnerable is scary. Opening up about emotions can feel risky. What if others criticize, judge, or reject us? This understandable fear can block us from deeper sharing and make it harder to translate inner experiences into words. Building trust can help overcome this barrier.
Why Do We Need to Explain Our Feelings?
If expressing emotions is so hard, why bother trying to explain them at all? There are several compelling reasons it’s important to find ways to communicate what we feel:
Promotes self-understanding
Putting feelings into words requires reflection and self-examination. The process of verbalizing emotions actually helps us make better sense of them internally. It builds emotional intelligence and self-insight.
Strengthens social intimacy
Sharing feelings with others fosters intimacy, bonding, trust, and deeper relationships. Authentic emotional expression draws people closer together. Keeping others in the dark limits closeness.
Informs decision-making
Emotions contain wisdom about our needs, values, and priorities. Understanding feelings informs wise decision-making. If we don’t explain our emotions, we deprive ourselves and others of crucial data.
Improves psychological health
Suppressing emotions often backfires, causing more distress. Voicing feelings can relieve emotional burdens, promote coping and resilience, and support mental health and well-being.
Allows others to empathize
We all experience similar emotions, but others can’t empathize with feelings they don’t know about. Communicating opens the door for emotional understanding and support.
Fuels self-advocacy
Naming and stating feelings equips us to stand up for our needs. If we don’t explain how we feel, it’s unlikely others will grasp what we want and require. Speaking up empowers us to get our needs met.
Enhances relationships
Withholding emotions breeds resentment, reduces trust, and harms relationships over time. Healthy relationships depend on open, candid communication about feelings. It fosters understanding.
Strategies to Explain How You Feel
So how can we get better at elucidating our emotions effectively? Consider trying these tips:
Take time to process internally
Don’t rush to analyze and articulate feelings in the heat of the moment. Give yourself adequate time and space to cool down, reflect, and process emotions before attempting to describe them to others.
Name basic emotions first
Identify whether you feel primarily sad, angry, scared, happy, disgusted, surprised, etc. Pinpointing the broad strokes is a start. You can get more nuanced from there.
Note physical cues
Pay attention to bodily sensations as they often match emotions. Does your stomach feel knotted? Heart racing? Muscles tense? Use these clues to identify what you’re feeling.
Use metaphors and imagery
If words alone fall short, describe emotions through comparisons, metaphors, similes, and imagery. For example, “I feel lost, like I’m stumbling around in a dense fog.”
Keep a feelings journal
Recording emotions regularly in a journal boosts self-awareness. Review past entries to recognize patterns, prepare to discuss feelings, and expand emotional language.
Learn new vocabulary
Actively build vocabulary by reading emotional intelligence resources, taking quizzes, and making lists of feeling words beyond the basics. Having a robust lexicon makes verbalizing emotions easier.
Explain using multiple modalities
Use words, nonverbal cues like facial expressions or tone of voice, visuals like drawings or pictures, metaphors, and collaborative dialogue to communicate feelings as fully as possible.
Be concrete and specific
Instead of vague statements like “I’m stressed,” provide details like, “I’m feeling overwhelmed and anxious about this work project that’s due soon.” Specificity helps others grasp the nuances of your inner experience.
Practice vulnerability
The more you open up, the easier it gets. Take emotional risks with safe, trusted confidants. Vulnerability builds confidence and comfort expressing feelings over time.
| Communication Strategy | Example |
|---|---|
| Use basic emotion words | “I’m feeling really sad right now.” |
| Note physical cues | “My stomach is in knots, so I think I’m anxious.” |
| Use metaphors | “I’m so angry I feel like I’m going to explode.” |
| Be concrete and specific | “I’m overwhelmed thinking about this work presentation I have to give.” |
When to Seek Help Communicating Feelings
Improving emotional awareness and communication skills is extremely beneficial. But some people struggle with identifying and expressing feelings to an extent that professional support may be warranted, including:
Extreme emotional numbness
Inability to identify or feel emotions at all. You may need counseling to uncover repressed feelings.
History of trauma
Past trauma often disrupts emotional processing. Seeking therapy can help work through this.
Overwhelming emotions
Being frequently overwhelmed by intense emotions you can’t control or communicate. You may need help regulating feelings.
Extreme social anxiety
If fear of sharing feelings feels paralyzing or phobia-level. Counseling can build confidence.
Psychological disorders
Some conditions like depression and alexithymia impair emotional awareness and expression. Treatment can get things back on track.
If you chronically struggle to identify or explain how you feel, especially to a degree that feels dysfunctional, don’t hesitate to consult a professional. Help is readily available.
The Takeaway
Verbalizing emotions serves many valuable functions, but also poses challenges. With practice strategies like improving vocabulary, noting physical cues, journaling, creative expression and vulnerability, we can get better at breaking through barriers to explain how we feel. Seeking help when needed can facilitate the process. The capacity to translate feelings into words is a learnable skill that enhances self-understanding and relationships. Our emotions contain wisdom – we owe it to ourselves to develop fluency in the language of feelings.