It’s a common phenomenon that many moms notice – their fussy, overtired baby who just won’t settle down to sleep will often instantly calm down when handed over to dad. This leaves many moms wondering: why do babies fall asleep better with dad?
The Smell Difference
One major reason babies may settle down better with dad is due to differences in scent. A baby associates its mother’s scent with food and comfort. So when mom holds the baby, the baby smells her familiar scent and wants to stay awake to nurse. Dad’s scent doesn’t trigger the same instinct.
Studies show that infants can recognize their mother’s natural body scent within days of birth. And a mom’s natural scent will activate areas of an infant’s brain associated with food and safety. So while mom’s scent is certainly comforting, it also cues the baby to wake up and eat.
Dad’s scent, on the other hand, has no association with food. So when dad holds the baby, the baby isn’t triggered to root and eat. Instead, the newness of dad’s scent allows the baby to relax without expectations of nursing.
The Difference in Holding
Another key reason babies fall asleep better with dad is the difference in physical holding styles between moms and dads.
Moms often cradle babies in towards their bodies in a nurturing, protective style that brings comfort but also allows mobility for nursing. Dad’s, on the other hand, tend to hold babies facing outward, with baby’s head higher up on their chest. This provides more external stimulation which can distract babies from their tiredness.
Studies analyzing parent-infant interactions have found that fathers tend to provide more high-intensity, excitatory play while mothers provide more soothing, low-intensity interactions. So the novelty of dad’s high-stimulation hold provides distraction from sleep cues.
Less Pressure on Dad
Many moms also feel intense pressure to get their babies to fall asleep because they know the entire family’s sanity depends on it. This anxious energy is sensed by babies and prevents them from settling.
Dads don’t carry this same pressure to get baby to sleep. They also tend to have more patience when baby is fussy, so they project a calmer energy.
Research shows that a parent’s stress levels directly impacts a baby’s ability to sleep. The less anxious the parent, the better baby is able to settle down. So dad’s relaxed energy also contributes to why babies fall asleep better with him.
Novelty of Dad
Most moms spend more time directly caring for their newborn than dads do. This means mom ends up being a source of food and comfort, but also boredom. Dad, on the other hand, provides novelty and excitement when he interacts with baby.
This novelty captures baby’s interest and provides mental stimulation that distracts from sleep cues. Dad is able to grab baby’s attention in a way that mom cannot. And this distraction allows the overtired baby to move past the crying phase into sleep.
How Moms Can Get Baby to Sleep
While the unique aspects of fatherhood do seem to have sleep-inducing effects on babies, there are some things moms can do to get the same results:
- Change clothes after being around baby all day to offer a new scent
- Try different holding positions to change things up
- Increase stimulation and play before sleep
- Take baby outside for a short walk to expose them to new sights and sounds
- Give baby a bath to relax them with warm water
- Play white noise to muffle any anxious energy
- Avoid nursing to sleep to disassociate mom from food
While babies have natural tendencies to sleep better with their dads, moms shouldn’t feel bad about this pattern. The important thing is that both parents find ways to help baby sleep that play to their unique strengths and instincts.
The Bottom Line
Babies fall asleep better with dad for a variety of reasons related to scent, touch, sound and novelty. But moms can tap into the same sleep-inducing mechanisms by changing up their approaches to help wind down baby. Close comfort with mom and exciting novelty with dad both ultimately help baby get the sleep they desperately need.