Quick Answers to Key Questions
It’s completely normal to struggle to move on after a breakup. Here are some quick answers to common questions:
Why do I keep thinking about my ex? It’s natural to keep thinking about someone you had strong feelings for. Your brain got used to having them around. It takes time to break the habit.
How long will it take to get over my ex? There’s no set timeline. It depends on the relationship and how it ended. Expect it to take at least a few months. Give yourself 6 months before worrying it’s taking too long.
Why do I miss my ex when the relationship wasn’t good? You miss the companionship, not the relationship problems. It’s easier to only remember the good times once it’s over.
Why can’t I stop crying over the breakup? Crying helps release emotions. It’s your mind’s way of processing the loss. As long as it decreases over time, it’s perfectly normal.
How do I stop fantasizing about getting back together? Fantasies make the breakup feel less permanent. To move forward, force yourself to visualize a happy future without your ex.
How do I stop obsessively checking their social media? Unfollow or even block them for now. Resist the urge to keep tabs on their life. Focus on yourself instead.
Why do I keep analyzing what went wrong? You’re looking for closure and meaning. Accept that relationships are complex, and some things will remain unclear. Dwelling on it keeps you stuck.
When will I stop feeling miserable and move on? Be patient with yourself. Let yourself feel the emotions. One morning you’ll wake up and realize you feel better. It happens gradually.
It’s Normal to Grieve the Loss of the Relationship
Going through a breakup is a lot like grieving the death of the relationship. You may cycle through denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. It’s all part of the healing process. Don’t judge yourself too harshly for having a hard time moving on. Breakups are rarely easy, even when ending an unhealthy relationship. Here are some reasons it’s so difficult:
- Losing the person you share your life with leaves a void.
- Your brain chemistry is disrupted if you were physically intimate.
- You lose emotional support and companionship.
- Your sense of identity shifts if you were part of a couple.
- Your future plans and dreams suddenly change.
- You lose your closest confidant.
It’s no wonder you can’t just snap your fingers and be over it. Be patient and take things one day at a time. Allow yourself to fully process the emotions so you can start to heal.
How to Cope When You’re Not Over Your Ex
Here are some strategies to help you through this challenging time:
1. Cut Off Contact
Seeing or talking to your ex will make it harder to move on. Remove them from social media and resist the urge to text, call, or see them in person. Ask mutual friends not to pass along updates. Out of sight can lead to out of mind.
2. Lean on Loved Ones
Don’t isolate yourself. Spend time with supportive friends and family who will listen and offer comfort. Their company will lift your mood and take your mind off your ex.
3. Throw Yourself into Work or School
Staying busy helps the time pass more quickly. Dive into work projects, tackle schoolwork, or pick up extra shifts. You’ll build your resume and keep your mind occupied.
4. Adopt New Hobbies
Discover new passions, like yoga, hiking, or painting. Learning new skills boosts your confidence. Joining classes or clubs is a great way to meet new people.
5. Work on Yourself
Read, exercise, eat well, and find other ways to nurture your mind and body. Focus on your own growth. Become someone you’re proud to be outside of the relationship.
6. Seek Professional Help
If you’re struggling with intense depression or anxiety, seek counseling. A therapist can help you develop tools to cope and move forward. Medication can treat underlying issues.
7. Be Patient
Allow yourself to mourn. Feeling sad, confused, and frustrated is all part of the process. Honor your emotions. With time and self-care, you’ll start to feel better.
How Long Does It Take to Get Over an Ex?
There’s no definitive answer, since it depends on the individual and their unique situation. However, researchers have looked into how long it generally takes to recover after a breakup:
- According to one study, passionate love for your ex can take around three months to fade.
- Feelings of attachment can take two to three years to disappear, research suggests.
- A study found it takes eleven weeks on average to feel better after a breakup.
- According to some estimates, it takes about six months to stop regularly thinking about your ex.
The more attached you were and the longer you were together, the longer it tends to take to move on. The way the relationship ended also has an impact. Breakups involving betrayal or rejection are harder to get over than amicable splits.
As a general rule, if you’re not starting to feel better after six months, seek support from loved ones or professionals. Heartbreak shouldn’t last forever.
Signs You’re Ready to Move On
How can you tell when you’ve finally let go and are ready for a new chapter? Here are some signs:
- You go hours or days without thinking about your ex.
- You can look at old photos without feeling sad.
- You’re more interested in meeting new people.
- You stopped comparing others to your ex.
- You don’t wish you could get back together.
- You forgive them for hurts and flaws.
- You’re able to laugh and feel joy again.
- You can imagine falling in love with someone new.
When you’ve reached this point, you’re ready to start dipping your toes into dating again. Just take it slowly at first so you can be sure you’ve healed.
How to Avoid Obsessing Over Your Ex
It’s easy to become obsessed with your ex after a breakup. You keep replaying your relationship, where it went wrong, and what they’re doing now. Here’s how to avoid unhealthy obsession:
- Remove reminders – Throw away mementos and gifts. Limit places and music that trigger memories.
- Stay busy – Keep your schedule full to limit time spent dwelling on your ex.
- Cut contact – Block their number and social media so you’re not tempted to interact.
- Avoid isolation – Surround yourself with supportive friends and family.
- Focus outward – Volunteer, pursue goals, and keep learning. What’s your ex up to stops mattering.
- Get counseling – If obsessive thoughts are severely impacting your life, seek therapy.
The less you know about your ex’s current life, the easier it’ll be to start thinking about them less. Fill your life with new people and experiences.
Healthy Ways to Release Emotions
Bottling up your feelings will delay the healing process. You need to give yourself healthy outlets to process the emotional fallout:
Let yourself cry – Crying releases stress hormones and helps you move through sadness faster.
Talk to friends – Confiding in trusted friends provides validation and support.
Write in a journal – Getting thoughts out on paper can bring clarity.
Exercise – Working out boosts endorphins and helps relieve tension.
Listen to music – Songs about heartbreak can make you feel understood.
Get creative – Express your feelings through art, music, or writing.
See a therapist – Counseling provides tools to manage difficult emotions.
Don’t judge yourself for leaning on these healthy mechanisms. Each one brings you a step closer to healing.
Ways to Fill the Void After the Breakup
The absence of your ex leaves a hole. Here are ideas for filling it with new passions:
- Take up their half of chores and errands.
- Reconnect with friends you haven’t seen in awhile.
- Foster a shelter animal.
- Learn a new language.
- Start a workout routine.
- Pick up an old hobby or try something new.
- Plan trips with family or friends.
- Binge-watch shows you love.
- Explore your spirituality.
- Dive into work projects or schoolwork.
Staying busy helps the time pass more quickly. Discovering new passions boosts your confidence and brings happiness.
How to Stop Fantasizing About Your Ex
It’s tempting to play make-believe that you’ll get back together. Here’s how to cut the fantasy and focus on reality:
- List relationship red flags – Remind yourself of issues and incompatibilities.
- Visualize the breakup pain – Remember how miserable you felt right after.
- Picture them with someone new – This helps sever romantic associations.
- Spend time with friends – Lean on your support system and feel accepted.
- Avoid looking at old photos – The memories make the fantasy feel more real.
- Block them on social media – So you can’t keep tabs on their life.
The more time that passes, the more your rose-colored glasses will fade. You’ll start to see the relationship—and your ex—more objectively.
Why You Miss Your Ex Even if the Relationship Was Bad
You may be shocked to find yourself missing and longing for an ex who treated you poorly. Here’s why this reaction is so common:
- You miss the companionship and intimacy, not the bad treatment.
- Your brain emphasizes the good times and minimizes conflicts after a breakup.
- Loneliness amplifies nostalgic feelings about your ex.
- You crave closure if the relationship ended abruptly.
- The breakup triggers a chemical withdrawal if you were physically intimate.
- You’re used to having them around, so their absence feels jarring.
- You miss aspects of yourself or your life that the relationship provided.
- You hope the problems could have been fixed if you tried harder.
While missing an ex is normal, romanticizing a bad relationship can lead you to make unhealthy decisions. Stay strong and remember why you broke up.
How to Stop Yourself from Texting Your Ex
The temptation to text your ex can feel irresistible. Avoid this setback with these tips:
- Remove their contact so you’re not able to text them easily.
- Tell a friend when you have the urge and have them talk you down.
- Keep your hands busy with a puzzle, craft, or exercise to ride out the impulse.
- Write out the text you’d want to send and then delete it.
- Remember the pain contacting them will ultimately cause.
- List all the reasons the relationship didn’t work.
- Block their number if you don’t have the willpower alone.
The more time that goes by with no contact, the easier it’ll be to resist the temptation. Reach out to other loved ones when you need support.
How to Stop Crying Over Your Ex
Crying over a breakup is normal, but eventually the tears need to stop flowing. Here are some ways to gain control:
- Let yourself cry for a short time, then force yourself to stop.
- Surround yourself with positive distractions.
- Talk, exercise, or do something creative to release emotions.
- Avoid triggers like sad songs, photos, or places you went together.
- Write out your feelings so you don’t need to cry them out.
- Make plans with supportive friends or family.
- Get professional help if crying is severely impacting your daily life.
As time passes, you’ll find yourself crying less frequently. Eventually a day will arrive when you realize you’re done shedding tears over your ex.
Conclusion
Breakups are painful, especially when you’re struggling to forget someone who was a big part of your life. Be patient with yourself and go through the process. Lean on your support system. Fill your schedule with activities and people unrelated to your ex. In time, the heartache will lift. One day you’ll be able to look back with clarity and realize this relationship wasn’t right for you. When you’re finally able to move on, you’ll be open to meeting someone new who is.