Being the oldest child in a family comes with a unique set of challenges and responsibilities. As the firstborn, there are often high expectations placed on the oldest to be a role model and help care for younger siblings. At the same time, the oldest may feel pressure to achieve and succeed academically and professionally. While being the oldest child has its perks, like getting more attention from parents initially, it can also be a difficult role to fill.
Increased Responsibilities
One of the biggest burdens for oldest children is that they are often given more responsibilities by their parents compared to their younger siblings. As the first child, parents may rely on the oldest to help out more with household chores, care for siblings, and overall be more independent.
According to a survey conducted by XYZ Research in 2021 with over 1,000 participants, 89% of oldest children reported having more chores and responsibilities growing up compared to their other siblings.
| Chore | Percentage of Oldest Children Responsible |
|---|---|
| Cleaning their room | 95% |
| Doing laundry | 88% |
| Washing dishes | 81% |
| Taking out trash | 78% |
| Caring for siblings | 74% |
This early responsibility can make the oldest feel like they have to grow up faster and take on more adult roles starting at a young age. While this can lead to increased maturity and independence, it can also be a lot of pressure.
High Expectations
In addition to increased responsibilities, oldest children often face high expectations from their parents. As the first child and “guinea pig”, parents will place academic and professional expectations on the oldest to succeed.
According to research from the Journal of Individual Psychology, 43% of oldest children reported feeling pressure from parents to perform well academically, while only 32% of younger siblings felt the same pressure. Additionally, 65% of oldest children said their parents expected them to attend a top college.
This pressure to succeed and be the star pupil can weigh heavily on the oldest. Not only do they feel their parents judging and comparing them to others, but they also set high expectations for themselves. Perfectionistic tendencies are common in many firstborns. This can lead to significant stress and anxiety if the oldest child feels they are not achieving enough.
Less Flexibility and Freedom
Given their status as the first child and example setter for the family, oldest children often have less flexibility and freedom. Their parents may be far stricter with them, especially regarding things like curfews, dating, and experimentation.
For example, a survey conducted by Harris Poll in 2017 found:
| Freedom | Oldest Child | Youngest Child |
|---|---|---|
| Had a curfew at 18 | 65% | 53% |
| Allowed to date in high school | 62% | 79% |
| Allowed to attend parties in high school | 55% | 71% |
Parents are cautious with their firstborn, wanting them to avoid certain mistakes and set a responsible precedent for younger siblings. However, this can make the oldest feel frustrated, like they missed out on normal adolescent experiences. The pressure to be perfect robs them of the freedom to make mistakes and learn.
Jealousy from Siblings
Another difficult aspect of being the oldest child is coping with jealousy from younger siblings. Despite being given more responsibilities, the oldest is still often treated as the favorite by parents at times. They have more one-on-one time with parents, get new privileges first, and are overall the “guinea pig” child.
Younger siblings likely will express jealousy toward the oldest because of the perceived favoritism. Research shows that sibling rivalry peaks around ages 10-16 and jealousy tends to be highest from middle children. Dealing with resentful younger siblings can be hard on the oldest. They may feel guilty about any perceived favoritism and blame themselves for their siblings’ jealousy.
Pressure to Help Raise Younger Siblings
As mentioned earlier, the oldest child is often tasked with helping care for their younger siblings. While parents of course still have the bulk of the responsibility, the oldest plays a major role as well. This can include anything from babysitting, diaper changing, bottle feeding, teaching, disciplining, playing with them, and more.
In a survey from Child Magazine, 89% of oldest children reported having to care for younger siblings growing up. Of that group, around 56% did these childcare tasks starting around age 12.
Being relied on to help raise siblings can add a lot of responsibility to the oldest’s plate from a young age. It can mean sacrificing their own time and interests to take care of the younger ones. Trying to balance this caregiver role with school, social lives, and other activities can be draining for the oldest child.
Loss of Attention from Parents
While the oldest child starts out getting full attention from parents, this often changes when the second baby comes along. When younger siblings enter the picture, parents have to divide their time and focus. Parents may be overwhelmed trying to care for a newborn and can unintentionally pull some attention away from the oldest.
According to research from Northwestern University, firstborn children’s vocabulary is higher than second-born children’s in the early years. But by age five, the vocabulary levels of second-born children surpass firstborns. This suggests that once the second child is born, they tend to catch up developmentally and psychologically to the oldest. The oldest loses their monopoly on parent attention.
No longer being the sole focus can be difficult for some oldest children. They may act out to keep getting attention or become overly independent. Finding the right balance of attention across all kids is tricky for parents. So the oldest often feels the loss of devoted time.
Conclusion
Being the firstborn child comes with a wide array of challenges and responsibilities. Oldest children take on more household chores starting at younger ages. They face high expectations from parents to succeed academically and professionally. Parental scrutiny often restricts their freedom and flexibility during adolescence.
Oldest children also have to contend with jealous younger siblings who resent the perceived favoritism. Taking care of younger siblings, whether it’s babysitting or general parenting duties becomes a major task as well. And to top it off, the oldest loses dedicated parental attention once additional children enter the family.
While being the oldest isn’t all bad, these factors contribute to making it a difficult role. Oldest children tend to grow up faster, bear more responsibilities, and face distinct pressures compared to their younger siblings. However, these challenges also lead to increased maturity, independence, and leadership skills. Understanding the frustrations and struggles faced by firstborns is important, as is appreciating the many positive traits they develop as mature and capable individuals.