Who do narcissists target?

Narcissists are known for their grandiose sense of self-importance, need for admiration, and lack of empathy. But who exactly do they target as sources of narcissistic supply? Research shows that narcissists tend to go after certain types of people who they think will boost their egos and feed their need for validation.

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People who are overly empathetic

One of the top targets for narcissists is the excessively empathetic person. Narcissists are attracted to people who are very caring, altruistic, and eternally concerned about the well-being of others. This is because the narcissist can use this empathy against the person by playing the “victim” and eliciting emotional support and nurturing. The empathetic person gets hooked into providing endless praise, advice, and compassion to the narcissist, who soaks it up to feel special and important.

People who lack self-confidence

Narcissists also frequently target people who lack self-confidence and self-esteem. The narcissist intuits that this person will be easier to manipulate and control. The narcissist provides flattery and attention to make the person feel valued, but eventually uses subtle put-downs to keep the person insecure and reliant on the narcissist. Lacking confidence in themselves, the target of the narcissist hangs on to whatever validation they can get.

People who have status, wealth, or resources

In addition to emotional targets, narcissists seek people who have tangible assets that the narcissist can exploit for themselves. This could include targeting people who have status, fame, wealth, access, or resources. By associating themselves with people who have these desired qualities, the narcissist can feel elevated and absorb some of the other person’s shine.

For example, a narcissist may target someone who comes from an influential family in order to be seen at prestigious social events, or a narcissist may marry someone who has wealth in order to gain access to expensive homes, cars, and luxurious vacations. The narcissist uses these status symbols to boost their image and get narcissistic supply from the admiration of others.

People who are natural givers

The narcissist also targets people who they identify as natural “givers” – people who are generous with their time, resources, help, and support. The narcissist will initially portray themselves as needing extensive assistance, guidance, mentoring or parenting, eliciting the giver’s sympathy and urge to help the seemingly “needy” narcissist. But over time, the dynamic flips, and the narcissist takes advantage of the giver’s kindness through manipulation and exploitation while contributing little in return.

People who can enhance their reputation

Furthermore, narcissists look for targets who they believe can enhance their reputation, success, or profile. This could be professionals who have an elite skill or certain connections, or even just people who make the narcissist look good by association. The narcissist uses these people for bragging rights about who they know, to gain access to certain circles, or to propel their own public image.

What makes these targets vulnerable to narcissists?

There are a few key traits that the typical narcissistic target possesses that makes them vulnerable to narcissistic abuse.

Co-dependence – Relies heavily on others for validation and self-esteem
People pleasing – Will put others’ needs ahead of their own
Gullibility – Easily swayed by flattery or a sob story

Loneliness – Looking to fill a void of companionship
Fixer mentality – Feels compelled to help anyone in “need”
Empathy – Puts themselves in the shoes of others instinctively

Low self-worth – Doesn’t recognize their own value

Narcissists are adept at recognizing these traits in people and leveraging them to meet their own selfish agenda. They know who will be receptive to their tactics and which vulnerabilities to exploit.

Signs you may be the target of a narcissist

Wondering if a narcissist has made you their new source of supply? Here are some telltale signs:

They love-bombed you with excessive flattery, gifts, and attention early on
The relationship moves very quickly, despite not knowing them long
They share extensive personal details about their problems very quickly

Their social circle seems to consist of exes, former friends, or people they complain about
They constantly fish for compliments from you
Conversations always circle back to them and their woes

They guilt trip or manipulate you when they don’t get their way
They alternately devalue and idealize you
They take advantage of your kindness and generosity

They disregard your feelings, needs, or boundaries

Once a narcissist has selected their target, they put them on this idealization-devaluation rollercoaster. At first, no one makes them feel more special, but later the target can do nothing right. The narcissist maintains control through this toxic cycle.

Why do targets stay with narcissists?

Despite the torment, many targets of narcissists end up staying in these one-sided relationships for prolonged periods. There are several reasons why it can be difficult to break free:

The narcissist has worn down their self-esteem over time
The initial love-bombing formed a trauma bond
The target craves the validation during idealization phases

The target hopes “their” narcissist will go back to the false persona displayed initially
The narcissist uses threats and guilt to prevent the target from leaving
The target is financially, socially, or otherwise dependent on the narcissist

The target fears the narcissist will ruin their reputation or turn others against them if they leave

Narcissists carefully engineer co-dependency, gaslighting, and cognitive dissonance to keep their targets obedient. The psychological effects make it extremely challenging for the target to break the cycle.

How to stop being a narcissist’s target

If you realize you’ve become ensnared by a narcissist, here are some tips to break free of their web:

Cut off all contact abruptly. Don’t give them reasons or provide closure.
Build up your self-confidence and learn to set boundaries.
Reflect on your vulnerability factors that drew the narcissist in.

Be willing to give up the nice gestures or perks they provided.
Seek support from friends, family, or professionals.
Accept that you deserved more from the start.

Know that the charming person you first met was a facade.
Consider getting legal protections if you fear retribution.
Join a support group to know you’re not alone.

While extricating yourself from a narcissist’s hold can be challenging, surrounding yourself with the right people and resources makes it possible. You deserve genuine relationships with true reciprocity.

Are there any people narcissists avoid?

While narcissists seek out certain targets, they also tend to avoid or discard people with qualities that threaten their ego or see through their false self:

Confident people with high self-esteem

People who challenge, criticize, or question them
People indifferent to their charms
Anyone with a hint of narcissistic traits themselves

People focused on their own needs and unwilling to cater to others
Anyone who questions their lies or exaggerations
People unwilling to worship or glorify them

Narcissists perceive these people as difficult targets. Confident people are harder to manipulate with flattery. Critics threaten their grandiose facade. Indifferent people won’t provide the admiration they crave. Rivals compete for attention. Self-focused people won’t pamper the narcissist’s needs. And doubters may expose the narcissist’s fabricated persona. Knowing these repellents, the narcissist curates their circle to contain only their desired targets.

Can a narcissist change their targeting habits?

Since narcissism is a personality disorder stemming from formative experiences, the narcissist’s relationship patterns are deeply ingrained. Without intensive therapy, it is unlikely a narcissist can independently change their targeting behavior.

That said, a major life event like divorce, job loss, criminal charges, or public shaming can serve as a “narcissistic injury” – dealing a blow to their ego that makes the false self more difficult to maintain. Following such an event, some narcissists do self-reflect and ultimately seek help to shift their interpersonal dynamics and treat others more empathetically. These cases are relatively rare though, as a narcissist’s sense of grandiosity makes them averse to acknowledging their flaws.

In most cases, the narcissist simply finds new targets to exploit and perpetuates the same narcissistic supply chasing. They may learn to refine their manipulation tactics to better ensnare targets and avoid exposure. But fundamentally altering their target selection is extremely challenging without conscious effort and therapy.

4 key points about who narcissists target

1	Narcissists target empathetic people they can exploit for emotional supply through validation, advice, and reassurance.
2	Narcissists seek targets who boost their status, success, reputation, or access to resources.
3	Narcissists avoid confident, self-focused people who won’t cater to the narcissist’s needs.
4	Narcissists rarely change targeting habits without intensive therapy and a willingness to change.

How do narcissists ensnare their targets?

Narcissists use deliberate tactics to engender trust, admiration, and loyalty in their targets. Here are some of their most common techniques:

Love bombing – Excessive flattery, praise, gifts, and attention early on to spark strong attachment and emotional reliance.

Mirroring – Mimicking the target’s interests, values, and mannerisms to create a false sense of kindred spirits.
Future faking – Making grand promises about the relationship’s future potential to hook the target.
Sob stories – Weaving tales of woe about their traumatic past or current problems to garner sympathy.

Idealization – Portraying the target as the most amazing, brilliant, desirable person (until devaluation later).
Gaslighting – Distorting facts to disorient the target and make them doubt their own sanity.
Triangulation – Comparing the target to others or mentioning exes/rivals to kindle jealousy.

By systematically employing these techniques, the narcissist can gradually break down the target’s boundaries, cultivate emotional dependence, gain leverage, and secure the target as a reliable source of supply.

10 red flags you may be dealing with a narcissist

Still unsure if someone is a narcissist? Here are some glaring red flags to watch out for:

1	They dominate conversations and steer them back to themselves.
2	They constantly fish for compliments.
3	They believe they are exceptional and entitled to special treatment.
4	They exaggerate their achievements and construct a grandiose personal narrative.
5	They take advantage of others for personal gain.
6	They lack empathy and rarely consider other people’s needs or feelings.
7	They react poorly to criticism and lash out when challenged.
8	They feel jealous of others who outshine them and seek to undermine.
9	They frequently demean, bully, or manipulate people close to them.
10	They are obsessed with their image and dismiss flaws pointed out by others.

The more of these red flags consistently on display, the greater likelihood you are dealing with a narcissistic personality. Trust actions over empty words.

In summary…

Narcissists target individuals they perceive will boost their ego, providing admiration, validation, resources, and assistance on demand. They seek out people pleasers, empaths, and those with vulnerabilities like loneliness or insecurity. Confident, self-focused people tend to repel narcissists. Without therapy, narcissists rarely reform their toxic relationship habits. But by recognizing the warning signs and cutting contact, targets can escape the narcissist’s web.