Adultery, defined as extramarital sexual relations, has been condemned throughout history in many cultures and religions. Yet it remains a common occurrence that affects marriages and families worldwide. This article will examine who is more likely to commit adultery and why. Some key questions we will explore include:
Are men or women more likely to cheat?
Does age affect rates of infidelity?
Do factors like religion, income level, and length of marriage impact adultery?
By better understanding the demographics and motivations behind adulterous behavior, we can gain insight into this complex issue. While adultery is undoubtedly hurtful, knowledge may help spouses, therapists, and clergy support couples through difficult times. There are always underlying reasons when someone violates their marriage vows.
Key Statistics on Adultery
Let’s start by looking at some key statistics on the rates of adultery:
| 20-25% | Married men who have cheated on their spouse |
| 15-20% | Married women who have cheated on their spouse |
| Younger | Age group most likely to cheat |
| Older | Age group least likely to cheat |
| Under 30% | Of divorces directly cite adultery as the cause |
These numbers provide some initial insights. First, while the rates between men and women are fairly close, men do cheat at slightly higher rates than women. Second, younger people are more likely to commit adultery than the older generation. And third, while adultery contributes to many divorces, it is directly cited as the cause in less than 30% of marital dissolutions.
With this basic data in mind, let’s analyze some of the factors that influence adulterous behavior in more depth.
Gender Differences in Adultery
Are men “hardwired” to cheat more than women?
A common presumption has been that men are simply more predisposed towards sexual infidelity because of evolutionary drives to reproduce. After all, the logic goes, men do not have to carry or nurse babies, so they have less incentive to be selective or committed to one partner. But the differences in adultery rates between genders are not so stark as to support this notion of men being “hardwired” to cheat.
Social scientists have put forth some other theories on why men cheat slightly more. One is that traditional gender roles encourage sexual permissiveness in men while discouraging it in women. Many cultures have had a double standard when it comes to adultery, punishing women harshly while tolerating philandering men. Other researchers point to differences in sexual desire. On average, men report wanting sex more frequently than women, which could motivate more men to look for sexual variety outside their marriage.
However, neither theory is conclusive. As gender roles evolve and women gain more relationship power, the gap in cheating rates has narrowed. And while some men want sex more often than their spouses, most are still satisfied with the frequency in their marriage. So the differences between men and women who commit adultery are smaller than we may assume. Both genders are vulnerable when faced with marital dissatisfaction, availability of opportunity, and rationalization of their actions.
Do women cheat for emotional reasons while men cheat just for sex?
Another prevailing belief is that women turn to adultery for emotional connection while men just want physical gratification. The assumption is that bored or neglected wives are more likely to fall in love with someone else while husbands engage in purely casual affairs. But studies find married women also have affairs just for sexual excitement rather than emotional bonding. And men, too, cheat because of loneliness and disconnection from their spouses. So in fact, both genders tend to commit adultery for overlapping reasons – loneliness, anger, resentment, or wanting sexual excitement.
That said, there are some gender patterns when it comes to extramarital motivations:
– Women are more likely to cite disconnection from a spouse as a reason to cheat. They tend to have affairs with someone they already know – a friend, coworker, or acquaintance.
– Men are more likely to cite sexual motivation and opportunities as reasons for cheating. They tend to have affairs with strangers or brief flings while traveling for work.
But again, both men and women cheat for a combination of emotional and physical reasons. The reasons behind adultery, like relationships themselves, are complex. Gender stereotypes do not tell the whole story.
Age Factors in Adultery
It is well documented that people under 40 are much more likely to cheat on spouses than older adults. But why is this the case?
Reasons Younger People Cheat More
– Greater opportunity – Younger people, especially if they do not have kids, have more free time and social interactions that could lead to an affair. Older adults are often limited by work schedules and family responsibilities.
– More energy – To maintain the lies and lead a double life, having an affair takes considerable effort. Younger individuals simply have more energy to pursue extramarital relationships.
– More naivete – Younger people, perhaps not fully understanding the consequences, may view cheating as less risky or morally wrong than older generations. They have less life experience to deter them.
– Less stability – Younger couples may not have the close family bonds formed over decades together that discourage older spouses from cheating. Their marriages have not endured the test of time.
– Sense of missing out – Some young spouses marry their first partners and eventually wonder if they are missing sexual experiences with other people. This curiosity can motivate infidelity.
Of course, there are exceptions. Some young couples enjoy very stable, fulfilling marriages while older people still stray. But in general, maturity, experience, and marital closeness gained with age make older adults less likely to engage in adultery. For those over 60, energy levels and health issues can also deter infidelity.
Risks of Adultery in Older Adults
That said, older adults face higher personal and social risks from cheating compared to younger cheaters:
– Potential health consequences – STDs, which carry more risks at older ages, are a major danger of having an affair. The guilt and stress of cheating also takes a toll physically.
– Less time to heal relationships – Older couples have less time to work through the betrayal and recover when trust is broken. Retirement years plagued by relationship discord are depressing.
– Social embarrassment – Societal judgement of adultery, especially by women, weighs more heavily on older couples. Decades of social ties are at greater risk when affairs are exposed.
– Disinheriting – Infidelity late in life may motivate spouses to remove partners from wills and other estate planning. The cheating spouse loses financial security.
– Weakened legacy – When exposed, adultery diminishes an older person’s reputation. Instead of enjoying respected “elder” status, they are seen as foolish or lecherous.
So while statistics show cheating decreases with age, the fallout when it does occur can be especially devastating. Older couples should reflect carefully before risking a lifetime relationship on an affair.
Religious Factors
Given that most major religions expressly prohibit adultery, one would assume religious believers cheat less. But interestingly, that is not always the case.
How Religiosity Affects Cheating
On a strictly numerical level, self-proclaimed atheists and agnostics have lower rates of adultery than Protestants, Catholics, or Jews. Less than 5% of atheists report cheating compared to around 15% of observant religious people.
But it is not clear how much those statistics reflect genuine lower predisposition versus hesitancy to admit socially unacceptable behavior. After all, atheists have lower social incentives to lie compared to the shame religious believers associate with adultery.
Here are some patterns that have emerged on how religiosity influences adultery:
– Actively religious people who regularly participate in a faith community cheat at lower rates than less observant believers who only identify with a religion. For the devout, fear of social consequences in their community discourages adultery.
– When they do cheat, actively religious people report higher levels of guilt, anxiety, and dissonance versus non-religious people. They struggle to reconcile their faith and their behavior.
– People “seeking salvation” through renewed faith or religious conversion may be trying unconsciously to resolve guilt over cheating or other marital issues.
So in summary, a heartfelt, active faith grounded in a moral community likely deters adultery in most believers. But halfway commitment to religious rules against adultery does not seem to prevent cheating as effectively. And when religious people do transgress, they suffer psychologically. Their private behavior conflicts with public image.
Why Religious People Still Cheat
Some of the reasons observant believers cheat despite religious prohibitions include:
– They compartmentalize faith as separate from sexuality. Spiritual beliefs feel abstract compared to physical desires.
– They rationalize adultery as forgivable due to human weakness, or justify it if the marriage has serious issues.
– Active participation in a congregation provides more opportunities to meet potential affair partners. Social groups can become sexually charged.
– Childhood trauma, relationship neglect or other factors may override religious guidance against infidelity. Psychological causes prevail.
Adultery allows escape from the burden of appearing perfect within religious communities. It lets people act on non-spiritual desires despite theological rules. So religion alone may not be enough to prevent cheating in the absence of robust self-control, ethics, empathy, and marital commitment.
Education and Income Factors
Higher education levels correlate to moderately lower rates of adultery for both genders. People with graduate degrees cheat at around a 10-15% rate versus closer to 20% for those with just a high school degree.
But education in itself does not make someone immune to adultery. The factors that higher education encourages likely contribute to fidelity:
– Critical thinking deters poor decisions based just on emotion or impulse control.
– Broader perspective helps nurture empathy and recognize consequences.
– Delayed gratification – education fosters discipline and long-term thinking.
– Exposure to ethical philosophy provides moral reasoning against adultery.
– Relationship skills taught in some higher education may prevent marital problems that motivate cheating.
– Education correlates to high cognitive capacity, which associates with prudence and risk aversion.
Income also associates only weakly with lower rates of adultery. Again, the reasons may relate more to accompanying traits:
– Higher earners delay gratification and think through long-term impacts on career and assets.
– Wealth allows more resources to invest in the marriage and family life rather than pursuing affairs.
– High earning spouses have status to protect and typically wish to avoid shame within their educated social circles.
However, extremely high wealth also provides more opportunities to cheat through travel and expanding social circles. So while education and income deter adultery to some degree, their impact should not be overstated. Adultery occurs across all demographics. No group has immunity based on their degrees or bank account.
Marital Factors
Beyond demographics, factors relating directly to the marital relationship unsurprisingly have the greatest influence over adulterous behavior.
Length of Marriage
Adultery is most common early in marriages and declines over time. Roughly 40% of affairs start within 1-5 years of the wedding. This drops to around 15% by the tenth wedding anniversary and 5% or less after 25 years of marriage.
Newlyweds are most at risk for a few reasons:
– The early years are the most stressful as couples learn to live together and adjust to married life.
– Passion and romance of the honeymoon phase fades, creating a vulnerable period before deeper companionship forms.
– Starting a family introduces major upheavals into daily life and intimacy. Exhausted new parents struggle with the changes.
– Cold feet – for some people, doubts or regrets surface after the permanence of marriage sets in. Infidelity provides an escape.
Affairs at this early fragile stage can swiftly dissolve the marriage. But couples who make it through find their bonds strengthen. The longer spouses remain committed through ups and downs, the more their relationship deepens and the less they are tempted to stray. Shared history deters betrayals.
Signs of Marital Trouble
Adultery both stems from and contributes to marital difficulties, creating a vicious cycle:
– Lack of communication, intimacy or empathy forms cracks for affairs to break through. Partners grow emotionally distant.
– Major life changes like job loss or moving excessively tax couples’ resilience if not addressed together.
– Spouses neglecting each other’s needs for affection, conversation and romance opens the door for someone else to meet those needs.
– Unresolved conflicts, resentment, negativity, criticism, contempt, and frequent arguing corrode relationships making betrayal more likely.
– Depression, trauma, or other mental health issues negatively impact marriages and may lead spouses to seek external escape rather than address problems.
– Addiction to drugs, alcohol, pornography or gaming by one spouse damages trust and satisfaction in the relationship.
– Physical or emotional abuse rapidly destroys bonds. The victimized spouse is more apt to find solace elsewhere.
– Major value differences over finances, child-rearing, or lifestyle philosophies divide couples. Partners no longer feel united.
– Unsatisfying or nonexistent sex due to health issues, mismatched libidos, or performance problems motivates adultery.
Then the discovery of an affair itself generates huge additional damage through broken trust, feelings of rejection, and shattered self-esteem. Repairing the marriage after adultery poses a major challenge requiring tremendous insight, effort, and forgiveness by both parties. Often counseling proves essential.
Benefits of Marital Counseling
For couples facing difficulties, marital counseling offers many advantages:
– An objective third party provides perspective when spouses cannot solve problems alone.
– Counseling creates a structured, safe space for couples to openly communicate their issues.
– Therapists help spouses understand each other’s experiences and needs more deeply.
– Guidance is provided in constructive conflict resolution and positive relationship skills.
– Exercises enhance intimacy, passion, respect and friendship between partners.
– Identifying core issues aids the couple in establishing mutual goals.
– Counseling equips couples with tools to keep strengthening their marriage far into the future.
So by investing in their relationship before unfaithfulness occurs, couples can prevent the tragedy of adultery and its aftermath. They learn healthy ways to meet each other’s needs for intimacy that sustain their lifelong bond.
Conclusion
Reviewing the complex factors behind adultery makes it clear there are no simple predictors of who will commit this betrayal. Demographics like gender, age, religion, education and income only correlate weakly at best. The quality of the marriage itself most strongly determines whether spouses will stray. Husbands and wives who cultivate mutual understanding, empathy, passion, and respect have the strongest defenses against adultery. By contrast, those lacking bonding, intimacy, effective communication and conflict resolution set themselves up for infidelity and its aftermath.
Fortunately, guidance exists through marital counseling or spiritually-based marriage enrichment programs for couples to strengthen their foundation. The preventive work of maintaining a thriving partnership day to day far outweighs the damage control needed after an affair unravels a marriage. Society as a whole benefits when couples succeed in commitment. Though the pressures and temptations behind adultery will persist, so will our sacred vows if we nurture the loving relationships that sustain them.