People pleasers, also known as “approval seekers,” are individuals who have an excessive need for approval and validation from others. They go out of their way to make others happy and meet their needs, often at the expense of their own well-being. But who exactly are people pleasers attracted to?
People pleasers are attracted to confident, dominant personalities
One of the main types of people that people pleasers are attracted to are confident, dominant personality types. People pleasers tend to lack confidence and assertiveness skills, so they are naturally drawn to those with a strong sense of self and dominant presence.
People pleasers may be attracted to these types of personalities because they hope some of their self-assuredness will “rub off” on them. They also like having someone take charge and make decisions so they don’t have to. Pleasing strong, dominant people gives them a sense of purpose.
People pleasers are attracted to those who need “fixing”
Many people pleasers feel needed and validated when they are helping or “fixing” people. As a result, they may be attracted to people who are emotionally troubled, have mental health issues, or are going through a crisis.
Being in a relationship with someone who needs their support makes a people pleaser feel useful and boosts their self-esteem. However, this attraction is often unhealthy, as the people pleaser ends up neglecting their own needs to take care of their partner.
People pleasers are drawn to praise and compliments
People pleasers have an insatiable need for praise, compliments, and positive feedback. They are very attracted to potential partners who satisfy this need by frequently complimenting their appearance, abilities, and personality.
Having someone provide consistent praise and validation helps soothe a people pleaser’s insecurities. However, this can also lead to a codependent relationship if their sense of self-worth becomes dependent on their partner’s approval.
People pleasers want acceptance from critical partners
Ironically, people pleasers are also commonly attracted to critical and hard-to-please partners. A huge part of their identity is based on gaining other people’s acceptance.
As a result, they may pursue partners who initially reject them or seem critical and unimpressed. They see it as a challenge to finally win over the affection and approval of this person.
People pleasers are drawn to “projects”
People pleasers like “fixer-upper” projects. Many are attracted to partners who have qualities they feel compelled to improve – bad habits they want to help change, untapped potential they want to foster, or a lifestyle they hope to enrich.
Having a project gives people pleasers a sense of purpose and value in the relationship. However, this desire for their partner to change can ultimately doom the relationship if the other person does not actually want to change.
People pleasers want appreciation and reciprocity
While people pleasers have a compulsion to take care of others’ needs, they also crave appreciation and reciprocity deep down. They are attracted to partners who make them feel supported, understood, and cared for in return.
Being in a relationship where their efforts are reciprocated helps people pleasers not feel taken for granted. It also prevents resentment and burnout from the relationship becoming too one-sided.
People pleasers are attracted to “the underdog”
Many people pleasers feel like the underdog themselves – overlooked, underestimated, and needing to prove their worth. This instinctively draws them to underdog romantic partners who they feel similarly align with.
People pleasers want to support and defend partners who they perceive are struggling, disadvantaged, or treated unfairly. Helping an underdog succeed gives people pleasers a sense of purpose and victory.
People pleasers want to be “the prize”
Despite their lack of self-esteem, people pleasers still have an underlying desire to feel valued, special, and important in their relationships. They want partners who make them feel like “the prize.”
People pleasers are attracted to partners who boost their egos by telling them they’re too good for them, they’re lucky to have them, and shower them with affections. This caters to their unmet childhood needs for feeling loved and accepted.
People pleasers fall for passive, quiet partners
Some people pleasers are attracted to partners with passive, gentle personalities who won’t assert needs and preferences of their own. This allows the people pleaser to always take the lead.
Having a passive partner is appealing because the people pleaser can constantly dictate the relationship. However, this imbalance can breed resentment if the people pleaser eventually feels overwhelmed and taken for granted.
People pleasers want approval-seeking partners
People pleasers also commonly end up with partners who are approval-seeking themselves. These partners give them continual positive feedback and are easy to please much like them.
Having another approval-seeking partner creates an environment where people pleasers feel validated and supported. However, it can also turn into a precarious situation if both partners’ sense of self depends too much on the other’s acceptance.
Conclusion
In summary, people pleasers are attracted to partners who make them feel approved of, appreciated, needed, or important in some way. However, these attractions are often rooted in their own unmet self-esteem needs and can lead to one-sided, unfulfilling relationships if they are not mindful of who they are choosing.
With self-awareness and asserting their own needs, people pleasers can find healthy, reciprocal relationships that provide the understanding and validation they seek without sacrificing their well-being.