Relationships often come to an end, but is one gender more likely to initiate a breakup than the other? Research provides some interesting insights into which partner tends to end romantic relationships more often.
Women Initiate Breakups More Often
Multiple studies have found that women are more likely to initiate breakups than men. For example, a 2021 study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships looked at heterosexual relationships and found that women initiated 69% of breakups while men initiated 31%.
Some key reasons women gave for initiating breakups included:
- Losing romantic feelings for their partner
- Incompatibility issues such as differences in interests or personality
- Infidelity by their male partner
- Feeling the relationship was no longer progressing (e.g. not moving in together or getting engaged after years of dating)
An earlier study in 2015 by social psychologists had similar findings – women initiated divorce 66% of the time compared to men at 34%. Reasons cited included emotional disconnect from their spouse, arguments about finances, or domestic issues.
Why Do Women Initiate Breakups More?
There are several theories as to why women initiate breakups more often than men:
- Independence – Women have become more independent both financially and socially. They rely less on a male partner for financial support or social status, giving them greater freedom to leave unsatisfying relationships.
- Less fear of being single – Due to their increased independence, women often have less fear of being single or worry less about finding another partner compared to men.
- Higher standards – Women may have higher standards for relationships, making them quicker to end ones that are unfulfilling.
- More aware of issues – Some experts believe women may be more aware of relationship problems and thus initiate breakups before problems escalate.
Men React More Negatively to Breakups
While women initiate breakups more often, research also indicates that men react more negatively when relationships end. A 2022 study in the Journal of Positive Psychology looked at breakups between heterosexual couples and found:
- Men reported higher levels of emotional distress following the breakup compared to women.
- Men were significantly more likely to think about their ex every day post-breakup.
- Men reported missing their ex-partner more intensely than women.
- Men were about twice as likely to still be emotionally attached to an ex one year after a breakup compared to women (15% of men vs. 8% of women).
Studies suggest men’s more intense reactions to breakups may stem from:
- Men deriving more self-esteem from relationships than women.
- Tendency for men to have less social support outside of a romantic relationship.
- Traditional masculine norms of being “tough” that discourage men from expressing hurt feelings after a breakup.
Coping with a Breakup
Regardless of gender, here are some tips that may help cope with a breakup in a healthy way:
- Give yourself time to grieve the loss of the relationship.
- Reflect on lessons learned for future relationships.
- Lean on friends and family for support.
- Avoid making rash decisions like calling your ex when emotionally charged.
- Stay busy with work, hobbies, exercise to take your mind off the pain.
- Change up your routine to avoid being reminded of your ex.
- Be patient – focus on self-care and emotional healing will take time.
Men are More Likely to Rebound Quickly
Following a breakup, studies show men are more likely to seek out a new partner more quickly than women. A 2022 study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found:
- 67% of men had looked for a new romantic relationship within 6 months of a breakup compared to 52% of women.
- Men were about 35% more likely than women to have found a new significant other within 6 months of ending a romantic relationship.
- Men rebounded more quickly regardless of who initiated the breakup.
Some potential reasons men move on faster include:
- Using a new relationship for distraction from painful emotions.
- Feeling a greater loss of intimacy and companionship after a breakup.
- Wanting to quickly “save face” and show they are still desirable to new partners.
- Having more shallow criteria for a rebound relationship.
Is Rebounding Healthy?
Rushing into a new relationship right after a breakup is often called “rebounding.” There are some risks with moving on too quickly:
- May not allow enough time to process the breakup emotions.
- High chance of choosing an incompatible partner.
- Using the new person to avoid feelings about your ex.
- May undermine trust and intimacy in the new relationship.
Experts generally recommend waiting several months post-breakup before looking for a new relationship to allow time for reflection and healing. However, people move on at different paces – the key is not using a new partner as an emotional crutch.
Who Handles Breakups Better?
Overall, research indicates women cope somewhat better after relationship dissolutions for several reasons:
- Women report less intense feelings of grief, loneliness, and longing for their ex than men.
- Women’s self-esteem tends to recover faster because it relies less on relationships.
- Women typically have better social support from friends/family to help with emotional processing.
- Women may think more about the negative aspects that led to the breakup, helping acceptance.
- Women are more likely to seek professional help or counseling after a breakup if struggling.
However, individual factors also play a major role – some men cope well due to strong social ties or emotional openness, while some women may struggle more based on attachment style and past trauma.
Tips for Handling Breakups Better
Here are some tips that can help anyone, regardless of gender, better cope with the end of a relationship:
- Talk openly about your feelings with trusted friends/family.
- Make self-care a priority through proper sleep, nutrition, exercise.
- Keep busy with meaningful activities and hobbies.
- Avoid making rash decisions or excessive drinking/substance use.
- Reflect on issues that led to the breakup to learn for the future.
- Consider counseling if unable to move forward on your own.
How Gender Impacts Moving On
Research shows some gender differences in how people move on after a breakup:
| Gender | How They Move On |
|---|---|
| Women |
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| Men |
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However, there is significant individual variability – some men process breakups in healthy ways, just as some women struggle. The healthiest approach involves processing emotions rather than suppressing them while also caring for oneself physically and mentally.
Seeking Closure
Getting closure after a breakup can help both men and women move forward. Some tips include:
- Having an honest conversation with your ex to understand what went wrong.
- Expressing your feelings and listening to your ex’s perspective.
- Returning each other’s belongings to cut remaining ties.
- Unfollowing/unfriending each other on social media for a clean break.
- Accepting things are over so you can begin to heal.
However, forcing closure when the other person isn’t ready may backfire. Give your ex space if needed. Focus on your own growth, and closure will come when the time is right.
Conclusion
Research shows women initiate most heterosexual breakups, though men tend to have more intense negative reactions. However, women seem to cope better emotionally post-breakup. Men are more prone to seek out rebounds quickly. The healthiest approach involves processing emotions rather than suppressing them while also practicing self-care. With time and self-reflection, both men and women can heal and move forward after a romantic relationship ends.