Trust is a fundamental part of any relationship. When you trust someone, you believe in their integrity, reliability, and honesty. You feel able to open up to them and be vulnerable around them without fear of being hurt or taken advantage of. Trust takes time to build but can be lost in an instant. Losing trust in someone can be incredibly painful and damaging to a relationship. So when do you know it’s time to withdraw your trust from someone? Here are some key signs that indicate a loss of trust.
They Broke a Promise
One of the quickest ways to damage trust is by breaking promises and commitments. We all mess up sometimes, but consistent broken promises, especially involving important matters, signals a lack of dependability and follow through. For example, if your partner promised to pick you up from the airport but left you stranded, or a friend promised to keep an important secret but told others, that betrays your trust in a substantial way. The inability to keep their word, even if unintentionally, casts doubt on their reliability.
They Lied to You
Finding out someone close to you has lied feels like a major violation of trust. Lies can range from small white lies to covering up large betrayals. But in any form, lies erode trust and make you question that person’s integrity. Once you catch someone in a lie, it becomes difficult to believe and trust their words going forward. You may wonder what else they could be deceiving you about. Lies ultimately reflect a disrespect and lack of honesty in the relationship.
They Were Disloyal
Trust is largely predicated on loyalty. So when someone betrays you by being disloyal, it severely damages the bond of trust. Acts of disloyalty could include cheating in a romantic relationship, spreading rumors about you, disclosing private information you shared in confidence, or defending other people who have hurt you. Their disloyalty signals that they put their own interests first and are willing to violate your trust. It’s challenging to restore trust after such a betrayal of loyalty in a relationship.
They Took Advantage of You
Another major trust breaker is taking advantage of someone in a selfish way. For example, if you lent someone money and they refused to pay you back, that could shatter your trust. Or if a friend used sensitive information you told them privately to embarrass or manipulate you for their own gain, that’s an immense betrayal of trust. When people use you for their own benefit with no regard for your well-being, it undermines any trust you had in them to treat you fairly and with care. Rebuilding trust after being taken advantage of can be very difficult, if not impossible.
Significant Damage to the Relationship
In any close relationship, major events that cause harm can severely damage trust. Things like emotional or physical affairs, abuse, addiction issues, major arguments, or abandonment can cause trust to come crashing down. After suffering major betrayals or damage, you lose faith that this person will maintain the integrity of the relationship. Even if you try to reconcile, the trust may be too shattered to properly repair. Some betrayals are large enough that the relationship itself can’t recover.
They Disrespected Your Boundaries
We all have physical, emotional, and social boundaries we expect to be respected in relationships. Whenever someone completely disregards your stated boundaries, it signals they don’t respect your needs or trust you to set reasonable limits. For instance, if you ask someone not to share private stories with others but they do so anyway, or you tell a friend not to joke about a sensitive topic that upsets you but they continue thoughtlessly, that breaks trust. A healthy relationship requires trust that each person will honor the other’s boundaries.
Your Instincts Tell You Something is Off
Sometimes you can just sense something is off even if you can’t pinpoint what caused the shift. People’s energy and vibe changes in detectable ways when trust is lost. You may notice less eye contact, changes in body language, avoidance, or closed-off behaviors. If your gut is telling you something feels different in the relationship, pay attention. Our instincts pick up on subtle cues that our conscious mind misses. If your intuition flags a loss of trust, examining the relationship more closely is warranted.
They Act Differently When You’re Not Around
A big red flag is if you discover a person’s behavior radically changes when you’re not in their presence. For example, if a friend constantly criticizes you to others but acts nice to your face, that two-faced behavior crumbles trust. Or if your partner acts shady with their phone/email when you’re not looking but reassures you everything’s fine, that creates suspicion. Real trust means someone’s words and actions remain consistent regardless of who is watching.
The Relationship Lacks Vulnerability
Trust is required for vulnerability and intimacy in a relationship. When trust is lost, people hide more of their authentic selves. If you notice your interactions becoming superficial and lacking emotional depth, it likely signifies lost trust. For example, if you avoid sharing your real feelings with someone because you don’t think they’ll respond appropriately or keep things private, that reflects eroded trust. Renewed vulnerability helps rebuild trust.
Your Values No Longer Align
In close relationships, fundamental values are often aligned, or at least respected. When someone disregards or attacks your core values, it damages mutual trust massively. For instance, if your politics or religion differ greatly from a friend’s, but they belittle your beliefs, that signifies a lack of trust and regard for you. Or if your partner prioritizes money over starting a family but you don’t, misaligned values could lead to lost trust. Shared values form common ground in relationships. Losing that crumbles trust.
Repeated Mistakes Without Change
It’s reasonable to give someone another chance if trust wavers. People make mistakes. However, if similar betrayals happen again and again without meaningful change, trust erodes quickly. For example, if a friend constantly forgets important events after committing to be there for you, or a partner lies about finances over and over, those repetitive behaviors signal they are unwilling to rebuild shattered trust. At some point, enough becomes enough. Change is required to restore trust.
Emotional Withdrawal From the Relationship
When trust breaks down, people often start emotionally withdrawing from the relationship. There’s less engagement, warmth, and enthusiasm. Interactions become cold or distant. If you notice someone relationally withdrawing, pulling away, shutting down, or creating distance from you, it likely indicates they’ve lost faith in you and the relationship. That loss of trust expresses itself through their emotional unavailability. It’s hard to restore a connection once someone has checked out.
More Fighting and Less Communication
As trust deteriorates, communication suffers. There’s less sharing of thoughts and feelings. Misunderstandings multiply, paving the way for more arguments. Minor conflicts easily intensify to major fights. Defensivenessratchets up. People avoid difficult but needed conversations. Silences fill the space where open communication used to flow. Frequent fighting paired with avoidance of deeper connection signals trust has faded.
Decreased Reliability
Shared trust means you can rely fully on someone. When trust fails, reliability follows. They stop being someone you can depend on. For instance, your friend no longer volunteers to help you move like they used to. Your partner starts regularly forgetting to walk the dog after promising to do so. Your teammate starts skipping weekly coffee catch-up sessions you used to enjoy. Across contexts, the other person demonstrates you can’t count on them anymore. The loss of dependability reflects damaged trust.
Shifts in Reciprocation
In trusting relationships, there’s usually reciprocation and balance over time. Both people invest in the relationship and care for each other’s needs. But when trust breaks down, reciprocation often becomes one-sided. One person stops putting in effort or giving as much to the relationship. If you notice you’re always the one calling, giving gifts, making sacrifices, and initiating contact while the other person becomes passive, non-reciprocal relationships signal a trust imbalance.
Deception Around Technology
Hiding access to someone’s online activity breeds mistrust. If your spouse suddenly changes their phone password or stops sharing their location, it arouses suspicion. When someone guarded their texts, social media, email, or other digital platforms from you, it suggests they have something to hide. Even if no wrongdoing occurred, the perceived deception damages trust between partners. Technology creates opportunities for secrecy that can undermine relationships.
Gut Feeling That Something is “Off”
Sometimes you just know at an intuitive level that trust is broken before concrete evidence confirms it. There’s a gut feeling that something is “off” in your interactions and relationship. People’s energy shifts demonstrably when trust erodes. Even without hard proof, your instincts may accurately pick up on subtle distrust cues like less eye contact, false reassurances, and emotional distance. When your gut warns that trust feels broken, don’t ignore it. Carefully examine why you feel that way.
Different Versions of the Same Story
When someone you mistrust tells a story, pay close attention if they re-tell the same story differently later. Shifting story details indicate potential lies and cover-ups. For instance, your shady coworker describes a weekend getaway with friends. But later you hear them telling the same story with different friends and locations. That suggests they’re being dishonest. Inconsistent stories that change over time reveal cracks in trust as deception unfolds.
You Catch Them in a Major Lie
Discovering a major, outright lie usually reflects irreparable damage. For example, if you catch your spouse cheating after months of denial and covering it up, such a monumental betrayal likely wrecks the trust beyond repair. Or if you learn a friend fabricated having a serious illness for attention, that level of deception concludes the trust you once shared. There’s little chance of rebuilding faith after experiencing major duplicity at the core of such an important relationship. Some lies cross a line of no return.
Conclusion
Trust forms the foundation of healthy relationships, so when it breaks the whole relationship suffers. While not every trust breach spells the end, consistent trust violations signal it’s time to re-evaluate the relationship’s viability. If efforts to rebuild trust fail and you no longer feel safe or valued, letting go, even of long-term relationships, may become necessary for your well-being. Not all trust can or should be repaired. But by identifying the signs, you can discern when lost trust in someone means the relationship has run its course.