Deciding when to take things to a physical level with someone new is never easy. There’s no one-size-fits-all answer, since every situation and relationship is different. However, there are some general guidelines that can help you figure out if the timing is right. The most important things are that you feel comfortable, respected, and ready. Don’t let external pressures or arbitrary timelines influence you. Focus on open communication, emotional connection, and mutual consent.
How Long Should You Wait?
There’s no magic number of dates you should go on before sleeping with someone. Some people are ready after a few weeks, while others prefer to wait months. Here are some factors to consider when deciding if the timing feels right:
- Emotional connection – Do you feel comfortable opening up to this person about deeper topics? Is there mutual trust, care, and respect?
- Pace of the relationship – Are you progressing physically and emotionally at a pace that feels good for both of you? Or does it feel rushed?
- Values around sex – Do you share similar values around what sex means to you? Are you on the same page about exclusivity?
- Maturity and self-awareness – Are you both able to communicate openly and honestly about sex and your relationship? Do you feel emotionally ready for increased intimacy?
- Logistics – Do you both feel you have adequate time and privacy to enjoy a sexual experience without interruption or distractions?
While it’s normal to feel some excitement and anticipation, you generally don’t want to jump into bed with someone if you’re feeling anxious, uncomfortable, or self-conscious about it. The right time is different for everyone. Check in with yourself and have open conversations with your partner.
Signs You Could Be Moving Too Fast Physically
It’s important listen to your own instincts about when the time is right for sex. Here are some signs you may be moving too fast physically:
- You barely know basic information about each other and are still in the small-talk phase.
- One or both of you are doing it for the wrong reasons (e.g. to impress them, feel wanted, etc.)
- You haven’t discussed sexual health, testing, boundaries, or protection.
- You feel very anxious or uncomfortable about taking things to the next level.
- You question if they will lose interest in you after sex.
- Your relationship lacks trust, care, and communication outside the bedroom.
Having sex too early, before establishing a meaningful connection, can damage the relationship. So slow down if you notice too many of these signs.
Considerations Around Timing
Here are some other considerations around when the timing may be right:
After major life events
Be cautious about jumping into a sexual relationship if you or your partner recently experienced a major life event – e.g. divorce, job loss, relocation, bereavement. Make sure you have given yourself time to heal and adjust to the transition.
Exclusivity
Ideally you should establish you are in an exclusive relationship before having sex. Make sure you are both on the same page and clearly communicate your needs and expectations.
Undivided attention
Your first sexual experience together will go more smoothly if you have privacy and adequate time set aside. Schedule it for an evening or weekend when you won’t be rushed or interrupted. Turn off your phones and make it all about quality time together.
Sober consent
Only proceed if you both feel enthusiastic and can consent freely without impairment from alcohol or drugs. Impaired judgment under the influence often leads to regretted sexual decisions.
Communication is Key
Open and honest conversations are vital when navigating intimacy in a new relationship. Here are some tips:
- Discuss your values, needs, boundaries, and health information before progressing to sex.
- Check in frequently and get verbal consent – don’t make assumptions.
- Speak up if you feel uncomfortable with the pace or if you’re not ready for the next step.
- Reassure each other there’s no rush and you want it to feel right for both of you.
- Keep talking after sex too – give feedback, discuss the experience, and share your feelings.
Approaching physical intimacy with care, mindfulness, and mutual respect will set your relationship up for success in and out of the bedroom.
How to Create the Right Environment
When you’ve both decided the time feels right, here are some tips for creating an environment conducive to a positive experience:
- Make sure you have privacy, time, and no chance of interruptions.
- Keep the setting comfortable, clean, and ambient – e.g. tidy room, fresh sheets, music, candles.
- Build the passion – kiss, give massages, maintain playful affectionate touch.
- Go slowly – don’t rush through foreplay to get to intercourse.
- Be in tune with each other’s cues and emotions.
- Use protection – have condoms and lube available.
- Stay present rather than getting stuck in your head.
- Keep communicating throughout about what feels good.
The focus should be on your emotional intimacy and enjoying the entire experience together, not just the physical act of sex. You’ll benefit from a patient, loving, and attentive approach.
After the First Time Together
The way you interact after having sex for the first time often sets the tone for your relationship going forward. Here are some tips for maintaining open communication and connection:
- Cuddle, hold each other, express your feelings.
- Check in about what you both enjoyed and ways to enhance the experience next time.
- Reaffirm how much you care about each other.
- Make plans for another date soon to show the relationship is about more than just sex.
- Don’t get jealous or make assumptions if they don’t immediately text you the next day.
- Discuss what this step means for your relationship status and exclusivity expectations.
Keep showing interest in each other’s lives, hold thoughtful conversations, and nurture emotional intimacy after sex to keep building a healthy foundation.
Potential Red Flags
Pay attention for these possible red flags after becoming sexual with someone:
- Sudden distancing or decrease in communication.
- Acting very possessive, demanding, or entitled.
- Pressuring you to do things you aren’t comfortable with.
- Becoming critical of your body or sexual performance.
- Refusing to discuss the relationship or shutting down emotionally.
- Gaslighting you or blaming you for expressing needs.
- Going MIA for days at a time then popping up late at night.
These behaviors could signal their interest was only physical or that the relationship became purely on their terms after sex. Proceed cautiously and assess whether their words match their actions. You deserve respect and open communication at all phases of dating.
The Takeaway
There are no perfect rules for deciding when to take a relationship to a sexual level. Get in tune with your own feelings, move at a pace that allows you both to build emotional intimacy, communicate every step of the way, and don’t ignore red flags. Having sex can be an amazing way to deepen connections and affection when you feel truly ready, comfortable, and excited to take that step together. Trust your instincts and don’t let external pressure influence your personal timeline. With mindfulness and mutual care, you’ll know when the timing is right.