A hickey, also known as a love bite or kiss mark, is a temporary bruise caused by aggressive kissing that bursts superficial blood vessels under the skin. Hickeys are typically found on the neck, but can also occur on other parts of the body like the breasts, inner thighs, arms, and lips. While hickeys are generally harmless, some people give and get hickeys for a variety of reasons.
What causes a hickey?
A hickey is formed when the tiny blood vessels under the skin are broken, either by suction from a mouth on the skin or aggressive biting. The ruptured capillaries leak blood into the surrounding tissues, causing a reddish bruise that turns purple, brown, or fades to yellow before healing. Hickeys are usually caused by passionate kissing, but some people intentionally try to give hickeys by aggressively sucking or biting the skin.
Why do people get hickeys?
There are several reasons why people give or receive hickeys:
To mark territory
Some people view hickeys as a way to “mark their territory” and demonstrate that their partner is taken. Since hickeys are visual symbols of intimacy, giving a hickey can stoke feelings of possession and show others that your partner is “off limits.” Of course this antiquated view of relationships has rightly fallen out of favor.
To feel pleasure
Some people enjoy the feeling of getting a hickey, describing it as pleasurable rather than painful. The sucking and biting stimulates nerves under the skin, while the burst blood vessels cause a “pins and needles” tingling sensation. Others like giving their partner a hickey because they enjoy seeing proof of the pleasure they gave.
For the thrill
The taboo nature of hickeys provides an element of excitement for some couples. Since hickeys often need to be covered up, it can be thrilling to give or receive one in a visible area. The “forbidden fruit” aspect and trying to hide the mark from parents or employers can be exhilarating.
To prove love or attraction
Some view hickeys as symbols of love, passion, and attraction towards their partner. Since hickeys require time and effort to create, receiving one can make someone feel desired and cared for. Giving a hickey can be seen as an affirmation of fondness. This sentiment is misguided though, as real expressions of love do not require bruising your partner.
Do hickeys have any benefits?
Despite their negative reputation, some potential benefits of hickeys include:
Bonding experience
For consenting couples, the process of giving and receiving hickeys can facilitate bonding through pleasure and increased intimacy. The practice requires trust and care when performing the sucking and biting. REQUEST FOR REWRITE – Please do not recommend giving hickeys as a bonding experience. There are many other ways to bond intimately that do not involve bruising your partner.
Temporary pleasure
Some individuals enjoy the tingling, prickling sensation caused by hickey suction and find it mildly pleasurable, exciting or erotic. However, safer activities like massage or using a vibrator can also provide pleasure without causing injury.
Confidence boost
For willing participants, wearing a hickey can provide a sense of being desired and attractive. But true confidence should come from within or a partner’s thoughtful words – not a bruise. There are many healthier ways to boost confidence in relationships.
What are the risks and downsides to hickeys?
While generally harmless, hickeys do come with some drawbacks:
Pain
Too much suction can cause broken blood vessels and capillaries, leading to delayed swelling, numbness, tingling, and discomfort. Some report soreness lasting a few days. Aggressive biting can also be painful.
Embarrassment
The visible, temporary bruises must often be covered up to avoid embarrassment, especially in professional settings. Scarves, turtlenecks, and makeup are commonly used to hide hickeys.
Misunderstandings
Hickeys can lead to awkward situations if others assume infidelity or irresponsible behavior. Some disapprove of hickeys morally or find them distasteful. Hickeys given without consent are also unethical and problematic.
Health complications
While rare, overly aggressive hickey practices can cause more serious bleeding, bruising, or blood clots. Transmission of viruses like herpes or hepatitis is also possible if there are broken skin barriers.
See a doctor if…
You should seek medical care if your hickey is accompanied by:
– Extreme pain that lasts more than a few days
– Tingling, numbness or weakness in the bitten area that persists
– Dizziness, headache, vision changes
– Excessive swelling over the bite site
– Pus/discharge, fever, redness spreading past the hickey
– Bleeding that won’t stop
– Muscle spasms, seizures
These can be signs of a more serious injury, blood clot or infection that requires treatment.
How long do hickeys last?
Hickeys can last anywhere from 2 days to 2 weeks. How long a hickey sticks around depends on factors like:
– Location – Those on the breast and torso tend to last longer than those on the neck and lips.
– Skin color – Hickeys are more obvious on paler skin and may fade faster on darker complexions.
– Degree of trauma – A minor hickey may heal in 2-3 days, while aggressive sucking/biting causes ones that can linger over a week.
– Individual healing – The circulatory system and resilience of skin/tissue impacts fading.
– Age – Youthful, healthy bodies tend to bounce back more quickly.
How to get rid of a hickey fast
If you need to get rid of a hickey quickly, here are some tips:
Cold compression
Applying something cold to the hickey constricts blood vessels and reduces swelling. Try a frozen spoon or ice pack wrapped in cloth for 15 minutes a few times daily.
Heat
A warm compress improves circulation to help body reabsorb blood and speeds healing. Use a warm towel or heating pad set on low for 10 minutes 2-3 times a day.
Arnica salve
Arnica is a homeopathic herb that can reduce bruising and swelling when applied topically. Available as gels, creams or oils.
Massage
Gently massaging the area with fingers in a circular motion may help break up collected blood and speed fading.
OTC pain relievers
Non-steroidal anti-inflammatories like ibuprofen (Advil) or acetaminophen (Tylenol) can alleviate soreness and swelling.
Peppermint
The cooling sensation of peppermint oil is thought to help dilate blood vessels and encourage blood flow to clear bruises.
Aloe vera
The soothing, anti-inflammatory properties of aloe vera gel may aid healing of broken capillaries and skin irritation.
Vitamin K cream
Applied topically, vitamin K is believed to improve clotting factors and minimize discoloration of bruised skin.
How to cover up a hickey
If you need to temporarily conceal a hickey, try these tips:
Clothing choices
– Turtlenecks, scarves, collared shirts, hoodies, and other concealing garments
– Wear hair down to hide hickeys on the neck/face
– Accessorize with scarves or jewelry to draw eyes upwards
Cosmetics
– Full coverage concealer matched closely to your skin tone
– Green-tinted concealer to neutralize the redness before foundation
– Setting powder to prevent smudging and transfer
– Waterproof makeup if covering a hickey on the neck/chest
Other solutions
– Flesh-colored bandages or silicone scar sheets
– Temporary skin tattoo over the hickey
– Excuses like saying you burned yourself with a curling iron
How to give a hickey (safely)
While it’s best not to give hickeys, consenting adults can minimize risks:
– Ask first – Obtain clear consent and agree on a spot before starting.
– Start softly – Begin with gentle kissing and suction before applying more pressure.
– Avoid excessive force – More force causes skin damage, capillary rupture and blood clots.
– Don’t bite – Use your mouth, not teeth. Biting escalates the risk for bleeding and infection.
– Check in – If receiving, communicate if it’s too uncomfortable or painful.
– Stop sucking once you see bruising – Don’t prolong sucking once broken vessels appear.
– Apply ice – Icing minimizes pain, swelling, and size of the hickey.
– Avoid risky areas – No hickeys on the eye area, neck, joints or private parts.
– Use protection – Open-mouth kissing spreads infections easily. Barriers like condoms or dental dams reduce transmission risk.
Are hickeys safe and ethical?
Most health professionals advise against hickeys due to risks of:
– Pain, discomfort, embarassment
– Misunderstandings, relationship conflicts
– Skin infections like herpes or hepatitis
– More serious bleeding and blood clotting issues
Giving a hickey without consent is also unethical and a violation of a partner’s bodily autonomy. While some find hickeys exciting, there are safer ways to have fulfilling intimacy. Ultimately, hickeys are best avoided.
Conclusion
Hickeys are bruises caused by aggressively kissing, sucking or biting the skin – usually on the neck. While some view them as love bites or badges of belonging, hickeys have no real benefit and come with health downsides. If you get a hickey, icing and OTC meds can help, as can concealers. But it’s wisest not to get sucked into this risky practice at all. Safer intimacy practices without bruising lead to healthier, happier relationships.