What's a nesting partner?

A nesting partner refers to someone you cohabitate and share living expenses with, without being romantically involved. It is essentially a platonic partnership centered around building a home life together. Nesting partnerships are becoming increasingly common, especially among millennials facing financial constraints and high costs of living in many cities.

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Why Nesting Partnerships Are on the Rise

There are several factors that explain the rise in nesting partnerships:

High housing costs – Especially in large metro areas, rent and home prices have risen dramatically in recent decades, making it difficult for individuals to afford living alone.
Desire for companionship – Many people want the companionship and community of living with others, without the commitment of a romantic relationship.
Delayed marriage/relationships – People are getting married and entering into romantic relationships later in life. Nesting fills the gap.

Financial practicality – Sharing living expenses with a nesting partner can cut costs substantially compared to living alone.
Flexibility – Nesting partnerships allow for flexibility as life circumstances change. They are often month-to-month or with short-term renewable leases.

With so many benefits, it’s no wonder nesting has grown more popular. The COVID-19 pandemic likely accelerated this trend, as people sought living situations that provided both companionship and financial flexibility amid economic uncertainty.

Common Nesting Partner Characteristics

While nesting partnerships take many different forms, there are some common attributes that help make them work:

Trust – Nesting requires trust, as you share a living space and often finances. Ensuring you can trust your partner is key.
Compatibility – Since it’s not a romantic relationship, ensuring you have compatible living styles and personalities reduces conflict.

Maturity – Both partners should have the maturity and communication skills to discuss issues openly as they arise.
Shared values – Having common interests, values and lifestyle preferences helps create a harmonious home life.
Open communication – Clear, open communication and ground rules help manage expectations.

Whilefriendship is not a necessity for a nesting partnership, it certainly helps. The most successful nesting partners often describe their relationship as very good friends first and housemates second.

Benefits of Nesting Partnerships

There are many potential benefits to entering a nesting partnership, including:

Companionship – Having someone to share daily home life avoids loneliness.

Social support – Nesting partners can provide emotional support and a listening ear.
Safety – Living with another person can increase safety and security.
Financial – From rent to WiFi to utilities, combining expenses saves substantially.

Chores – Maintaining a household is easier when divided between partners.
Flexibility – Nesting partnerships usually have flexibility to change as needed.

The practical benefits around finances and household help are often most attractive to those entering nesting relationships. However, the companionship and support can be equally valuable for many.

Challenges of Nesting Partnerships

While nesting certainly has benefits, it also comes with some potential challenges, including:

Conflict over cleanliness – Differing cleanliness standards between partners can cause tension.
Lack of privacy – Sharing space makes complete privacy elusive.

Romantic confusion – Unclear boundaries may lead one partner to want romance against the wishes of the other.
Financial issues – Problems can arise if one partner fails to pay their share.
Timing conflicts – Mismatched schedules or social lives may leave one partner wanting more interaction.

Poor communication and boundary setting often underlie these challenges. Partners who directly address expectations around cleanliness, guests, rules, schedules, and finances from the start fare better.

Finding a Nesting Partner

If a nesting partnership appeals to you, here are some tips for finding a nesting partner:

Ask friends and family if they know anyone looking.

Post on social media about your search for a nesting partner.
Search nesting partner classified ads online.
Join apps or sites designed specifically for nesting partnerships.

Be very clear in your post or ad about your ideal arrangement.
Meet any promising matches several times before making a decision.
Run a background check before moving forward.

The more time you spend getting to know a potential nesting partner beforehand, the better sense you’ll have of your compatibility.

Making a Nesting Partnership Work

To increase the chances of success, keep these tips in mind:

Communicate clearly – Discuss scheduling, cleanliness, guests, etc. Agree on house rules.

Create a budget – Make a clear budget to share costs fairly for rent, groceries, utilities, etc.
Give each other space – Respect each other’s privacy and personal time.
Contribute equally – Divide up chores and responsibilities fairly.

Allow flexibility – Check in periodically to adjust the arrangement as needed.
Address conflict promptly – Don’t let resentment build up. Be open about issues.

With excellent communication, mutual understanding, and clarity, nesting partnerships can successfully provide the benefits of shared living without the complexities of romance.

The Legal Implications of Nesting

While nesting partnerships do not involve the legal commitments of marriage, there are still some legal considerations, including:

Lease considerations – If renting, understand lease terms for new roommates, subletting, etc.
Home ownership – If you co-own a home, consider a cohabitation agreement to protect all parties.

Shared expenses – Track shared purchases and repayments. Document clearly to avoid future disputes.
Taxes – Understand how shared rental income, mortgage interest, etc. impacts taxes.
Powers of attorney – Granting powers of attorney provides legal authority if one partner is incapacitated.

Consulting an attorney to fully understand the laws and implications for your specific situation is advisable. Creating clear, written nesting partnership agreements is also recommended.

Exit Strategy If the Partnership Ends

While most nesting partners hope for lasting compatibility, change is inevitable. Circumstances or needs may shift, leading one or both partners to want to end the arrangement. Planning an exit strategy in advance makes this transition smooth. Elements to consider include:

Providing 30-60 days written notice before moving out.

Agreeing each keeps their own bedroom furniture/belongings.
Dividing up commonly shared items fairly.
Removing both names from any joint leases.

Taking both names off of any joint utility accounts.
Repaying any outstanding financial obligations.
Updating documents like powers of attorney.

Having a clear nesting partnership agreement and exit strategy protects both parties – financially and emotionally – if one person decides it’s time to move on.

Alternatives to Traditional Nesting

While most nesting partnerships involve two people sharing an apartment or house, there are some alternative arrangements to consider as well:

Platonic Co-living

Some co-living companies like Cohaus now offer platonic co-living spaces. Multiple bedrooms with communal living areas provide shared housing with events and amenities.

Intergenerational Homeshares

In homesharing, a younger person provides some caregiving assistance in exchange for free or low-cost housing with an elderly homeowner. This meets needs for both generations.

Co-living with Friends

Some groups of friends establish group houses or apartments for platonic co-living. This provides community and shared costs.

Nesting Partnerships Plus

Nesting + arrangements involve pairing up with a nesting partner, while also dating or seeing other people separately. This provides companionship along with freedom.

The diversity of options makes nesting partnerships accessible to nearly everyone interested in platonic shared living.

Nesting Partnerships for Families

Nesting partnerships are also emerging as an option for divorced or separated couples with children. Also known as bird nesting, this involves parents alternating living in the family home with the kids, while maintaining separate residences. This spares children from being uprooted from the family home post-divorce. Nesting partnerships in these scenarios require coordination, but provide stability for kids.

Conclusion

As the costs and stresses of independent living rise, nesting partnerships offer a happy medium. They provide the companionship, practical support, and cost savings of living with someone in a mutually supportive way. While not without challenges, nesting offers a flexible and affordable housing alternative tailored to today’s realities. With clear agreements, open communication and compatibility, nesting partners can build a shared home life that meets their emotional and financial needs.