Sibling relationships can be complicated. While many siblings have close bonds, others struggle to get along. A number of factors influence sibling dynamics, including age gaps, gender, and family environment. So what percentage of siblings have conflicted relationships? Let’s take a closer look.
Defining Sibling Conflict
First, it’s important to define what we mean by siblings “not getting along.” Sibling conflict can range from minor disagreements and petty annoyances to outright hostility and estrangement. For this discussion, let’s define “not getting along” as frequent conflict and an overall negative relationship quality. This includes siblings who:
– Argue and bicker regularly
– Have major differences in values, interests, or personality that cause tension
– Feel competitive, jealous, or resentful toward each other
– Avoid interacting or spending time together due to dislike or discomfort
– Have an antagonistic, hostile, or abusive relationship
Occasional disagreements and irritation are normal between siblings. But consistent, unresolved conflict that damages the relationship quality indicates siblings who don’t get along.
Research on Sibling Conflict
Various studies provide insight into the percentage of siblings who experience frequent conflict or have negative relationships.
Canadian Study
A 2010 study published in the Journal of Family Psychology surveyed over 350 individuals with siblings. The study found:
– 15% felt rivalry, jealousy, or resentment toward their siblings
– 18% described their current sibling relationship as rivalrous
– 25% said their relationship was characterized by conflict
This indicates that somewhere between 15-25% of siblings do not get along.
European Study
A 2006 European study published in the Journal of Family Research surveyed adults in Germany with siblings. The findings included:
– 20% felt their sibling relationships were highly conflicted, either currently or in childhood
– About 25% reported rivalrous sibling relationships
– 10% described having an aggressive or abusive sibling relationship
American Survey
A survey conducted by Ipsos in 2017 asked over 1,000 American adults about their sibling relationships. The survey found:
– 22% considered their sibling relationships to be “difficult”
– 18% described their current sibling relationships as “hostile” or “estranged”
Key Takeaways
Based on these studies, it seems that somewhere between 15-25% of siblings have significant conflict and lack close bonds. The highest estimates find that up to 1 in 4 siblings don’t get along.
Factors That Contribute to Sibling Conflict
Research has identified several factors that predict conflicted sibling relationships:
Age Gap
– Siblings with larger age gaps (7+ years apart) tend to have more conflict.
– The biggest age gap that allows siblings to still bond is around 4-5 years.
Gender
– Same-sex siblings and brothers are more likely to have rivalrous relationships.
– Sisters are more likely to have a close sibling bond.
Birth Order
– Older siblings tend to be more authoritative, controlling, and aggressive.
– Younger siblings often perceive older siblings as bullying.
– Middle children feel left out or disadvantaged compared to older/younger siblings.
Family Environment
– Siblings in unstable family environments with conflict, neglect, or abuse are more likely to have poor sibling relationships.
– Lack of parental attention and perceived favoritism breeds jealousy and resentment between siblings.
Personality
– Clashing sibling personalities with different interests, values, and temperaments leads to more conflict.
Stage of Life Influences Sibling Bond
The level of conflict and closeness between siblings also fluctuates depending on age and stage of life:
Childhood
– Rivalry peaks between ages 2-4 as siblings compete for resources and attention.
– Middle childhood (6-12 years old) sees the most intense sibling conflict.
– Fighting and hostility tend to decrease in late childhood as siblings mature.
Adolescence
– Desire for independence and peer influences drive sibling rivalry in teen years.
– But also greater ability to compromise and bond over common interests.
Young Adulthood
– Physical distance and separate social lives means less daily conflict.
– But emotional distance may also grow between siblings.
Adulthood
– Adult siblings often grow closer as they start their own families.
– Shared family experiences and nostalgia help improve sibling bonds.
– But divvying up parental caregiving and inheritance can spark tensions.
Old Age
– With parents deceased, siblings provide an important emotional connection.
– Retired older adults have more free time to reconnect and repair damaged sibling bonds.
Tips for Improving Sibling Relationships
If you don’t get along with your sibling, there are some strategies that can help foster a better connection:
– Communicate openly and let your sibling know you desire a better relationship.
– Set clear boundaries if the relationship is unhealthy or abusive.
– Spend time reminiscing about positive childhood memories.
– Bond over shared interests like sports, music, books, or TV shows.
– Apologize for past hurts and make an effort to be more understanding.
– Respect each other’s different perspectives and avoid judging.
– Have regular video chats or calls to stay connected if you live far apart.
– Plan a vacation together – making new memories can improve your bond.
– Enlist your parents’ help to facilitate reconciliation and better communication.
– Seek family counseling if conflicts are severe enough to require intervention.
Conclusion
While the majority of siblings maintain positive lifelong relationships, estimates suggest 15-25% experience frequent conflict and lack close bonds. Contributing factors include age gaps, gender, birth order, family environment, and clashing personalities. Sibling conflict tends to peak in childhood and adolescence, decreasing in adulthood as siblings mature. Improving sibling relationships takes work but it’s worthwhile for the benefits of a lifelong support system.