Divorce is a difficult decision that many married couples face. For men going through a divorce, there are many complex emotions and potential regrets. Studies have looked at how many divorced men later express regrets about the decision to end their marriage.
Do men regret divorce more than women?
Research has shown that in heterosexual marriages, men are more likely to initiate divorce. However, some studies have found that women are more likely to be satisfied with getting divorced and less likely to regret it. According to data from the National Survey of Families and Households, women tend to be happier than men after a divorce. One study found that women’s happiness increased on average after divorce, while men’s happiness declined on average.
So while men are more likely to initiate divorce, the evidence suggests women on average adjust better emotionally and report less regret. There are a few potential reasons for this:
- Women report lower levels of relationship quality than men prior to divorce, so they are less happy in the marriage to begin with.
- Custody impacts: Men are more likely to lose custody of their children after divorce, resulting in less time with their kids.
- Financial impacts: Women, especially those with children, experience less financial decline from divorce than men.
What percentage of divorced men express regret?
Estimates vary on what percentage of divorced men report feeling regret or wishing they were still married after the divorce:
- One study found that around 15% of divorced men had regrets about getting divorced.
- A poll by AARP of divorced individuals over 40 found that about 33% of men regretted getting divorced.
- According to data from a longitudinal study in Germany, over 50% of divorced fathers expressed some regret about the divorce.
Based on multiple research studies, a conservative estimate would be that between 15-35% of divorced men express regrets or mixed feelings about their divorce. The exact percentage likely depends on factors like how much time has passed since the divorce.
How are men impacted by divorce regret?
Divorce regret can have significant psychological impacts on men. These can include:
- Depression – Men who regret divorce have higher rates of depression and emotional distress.
- Anger – Men are more likely to feel angry about perceived inequalities during and after divorce proceedings.
- Financial stress – The financial burdens of divorce, including spousal and child support, impact men more.
- Reduced social support – Men often get less emotional support from friends and family after a divorce.
Men are also much more likely to commit suicide after divorce – divorced men have a suicide rate 39% higher than married men. Divorce regret and emotional turmoil are contributing factors.
Why do some men regret divorce more than others?
Research points to several factors that predict which men are most likely to experience regret or mixed feelings towards their divorce:
- Initiator status – Men who did not initiate the divorce are more likely to experience regret.
- High marital quality – Men who reported high relationship satisfaction before divorce felt more regret.
- Presence of children – Fathers with reduced custody/contact with children regretted divorce more.
- Religious beliefs – Highly religious men tend to report higher rates of divorce regret.
- Length of marriage – Men married longer before divorce felt greater regret vs. those married just a few years.
Essentially, men who did not want the divorce in the first place, were happy in their marriage, and had less contact with children after the divorce had higher rates of regret.
Does the age of men impact divorce regret?
Some studies have found that age impacts how men experience divorce regret. For example:
- Men who get divorced at a younger age (e.g. 20s or 30s) report lower rates of regret than men divorced later in life.
- Middle-aged and older men (over 50) have the highest rates of divorce regret according to research.
- Older men are more likely to believe their lives got worse after divorce, while younger men move on more quickly.
This effect may be because older men have a harder time adapting to single life again, struggle more financially, and have a harder time finding new relationships. Younger divorced men likely have an easier time entering the dating world again.
Do men regret divorce more than women?
Overall, studies consistently show that men have higher rates of divorce regret and desire to reconcile than women:
- 75% of women vs. 30% of men in one study said they were happy they got divorced.
- Only 19% of women wished they had remained married vs. 46% of men according to another survey.
- Over 60% of women said they had no doubts about getting divorced vs. around 45% of men.
This aligns with broader trends that women initiate divorce more often than men, and adjust better emotionally after divorce. However, some men and women may regret divorce for different reasons – for example, women may cite abuse while men are more likely to miss their children.
Do men ever regain happiness after divorce regret?
For men who experience deep regrets and unhappiness after divorce, is there any hope for increasing happiness again in the future? Research shows mixed evidence:
- Some studies show divorced men’s happiness remains permanently lower than married men’s on average.
- However, other research indicates divorced men become happier over time, just with a temporary dip in happiness right after the divorce.
- Factors like reduced social support right after divorce may drive short-term unhappiness for men.
The trajectory depends a lot on the individual – some divorced men find new relationships and adjust well over time, while others remain unhappily single. On average, men likely experience a dip in happiness, but can regain satisfaction in the long run.
Conclusion
In summary, between 15-35% of divorced men express regret or mixed feelings about getting divorced. Divorce regret has a greater emotional impact on men than women, likely driven by factors like lower social support, financial declines, and loss of children after divorce. Men who did not initiate the divorce, had high marriage satisfaction, and lose contact with children tend to have the highest rates of divorce regret. With time, some men are able to adapt and regain happiness after divorce, but many report permanent declines in emotional well-being and lasting regrets.