An open relationship is a consensual, ethical, and transparent non-monogamous relationship in which both partners agree on having romantic or sexual relationships with other people. In an open marriage or open relationship, couples engage in extramarital relationships with the full knowledge and consent of their spouse or primary partner.
In recent years, open relationships and consensual non-monogamy have become more visible and accepted in mainstream culture. However, determining how many married couples are in open relationships is difficult as there has been limited research on the prevalence of consensual non-monogamy.
Most studies estimate that around 4-5% of Americans are currently in an open relationship or practice some form of ethical non-monogamy. However, this likely underrepresents the actual number as many couples keep their non-traditional arrangements private due to social stigma.
Estimates on Open Marriages
There are varying estimates on what percentage of married couples engage in open relationships:
- A 2005 representative study of single American adults found that around 4-5% were in open relationships.
- A 2016 study published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy estimated that around 4-5% of Americans were currently involved in open relationships.
- A 2014 study of a national sample of single adults in the U.S. found that around 5% reported being in an open relationship.
- A 2000 study of married couples in the U.S. found that around 2.7% of couples had an agreement that allowed extramarital sex.
- A 1992 study found that over 2.2 million married couples, or 2.7% of all married couples, agreed that extramarital sex was acceptable.
Overall, most studies estimate the percentage to be around 4-5% of the American adult population or married couples. However, some studies put the estimate closer to 2-3%.
Challenges in Estimating Prevalence
There are several reasons why it is difficult to accurately estimate the percentage of married couples in open relationships:
- Social stigma leads many couples to keep their non-monogamous arrangements private.
- The taboo nature of non-monogamy likely leads to underreporting.
- Definitions of open relationships vary across studies.
- Many studies rely on convenience samples that may not represent the general population.
- National representative data on open relationships is limited.
For these reasons, most researchers believe the percentage of couples in open marriages is underreported and may be higher when factoring in social desirability bias.
Prevalence Based on Demographics
Research indicates open relationships may be more common among certain demographics:
- Younger generations may be more open to non-traditional arrangements. One study of adults under 45 found 20% had been in an open relationship at some point.
- Those with higher education levels are more likely to report open relationship experience. 11% of respondents with a postgraduate degree reported open relationship experience in one study.
- Cohabitating and unmarried couples have higher rates of open relationships compared to married couples.
- LGBT couples, especially gay male couples, have higher rates of open relationships compared to heterosexual couples.
However, open relationships can be found among diverse demographics. Overall prevalence among the general married population still appears to be low, likely under 5%.
Motivations for Open Relationships
Research has found various motivations that lead married couples to open up their relationships:
- Desire for sexual novelty and variety: Many couples want to experience new sexual partners and adventures together.
- Relief of sexual boredom: Opening up the marriage can reignite sexual excitement in long-term relationships.
- Exploration of bisexuality: Open arrangements allow bisexual partners to explore same-sex relationships.
- Differing sex drives: Mismatched libidos may lead couples to outsource sex while preserving the relationship.
- Negotiation of needs: Open relating allows partners whose needs differ to have them met elsewhere.
For most couples, the decision to open up a relationship stems from multiple motivations rather than a single reason. Honest communication, constant negotiation, and strong relationship foundations are keys to success in open marriages.
Rules and Boundaries in Open Marriages
Most open relationships have established ground rules and boundaries, such as:
- What types of sexual activities are permitted outside the marriage.
- What information must be shared with the primary partner.
- Safer sex practices to minimize STI risk.
- Restrictions on emotional intimacy or “falling in love” with casual partners.
- Limits on time spent with or frequency of seeing secondary partners.
- Agreements about if/when casual partners can interact with children.
- Circumstances under which the open arrangement will be re-evaluated.
Rules help reduce jealousy, establish trust, and minimize potential threats to the marriage. However, excessive rules can be counterproductive. Finding the right balance is key.
Benefits of an Open Marriage
Research indicates open relationships may provide benefits for some couples when executed responsibly, such as:
- Increased intimacy between primary partners who share their dating experiences.
- Improvements in self-awareness, personal growth, and identity development.
- Greater appreciation of one’s partner.
- Exploration of sexuality and different relationship dynamics.
- More honest communication and connection between partners.
- Greater sexual satisfaction and compatibility.
However, open relationships also come with risks like jealousy, loss of intimacy, STIs, and unintended emotional attachments. Thorough discussion of all aspects is vital before deciding to open up.
Risks and Challenges of Open Marriages
Common risks and difficulties faced by couples in open relationships include:
- Jealousy – Even the most secure partners can experience jealousy about their spouse’s activities.
- Reduced intimacy – Energy devoted to secondary partners can reduce emotional closeness between spouses.
- Unbalanced involvements – One partner having significantly more outside partners can lead to resentment.
- Breaking of boundaries – Partners lying or secretly violating rules undermines trust.
- Negative emotions – Anger, resentment, hurt, and loneliness may arise even in consensual non-monogamy.
- STI risks – Condom use and other protections are essential for sexual health.
- Unintended attachment – Open relationships can unexpectedly lead to love with a secondary partner.
- Disapproval – Lack of acceptance from family, friends, religious communities, or society.
Effective ongoing communication, emotional work, commitment to the marriage, and constant check-ins help couples manage challenges. But open relating proves unsustainable for many couples long-term.
Success Factors for Open Marriages
Research on successful open marriages reveals several key factors that help couples sustain ethical non-monogamous arrangements long-term:
- A strong foundation of trust, intimacy, and friendship in the marriage before opening up.
- Shared values surrounding sexuality, transparency, consent, and relationship orientation.
- Clear ongoing communication and comfort discussing difficult emotions.
- Agreement on guidelines, boundaries, and relationship priorities.
- Willingness to renegotiate agreements as needed.
- A primary focus on enhancing the marriage above outside relationships.
- Support networks of other ethically non-monogamous couples.
Even when successfully executed, open relating may not be sustainable forever for many couples. Renegotiating monogamy after a period of consensual non-monogamy is also common based on life changes and family needs.
Divorce Rates for Open Marriages
There are mixed findings on whether open marriages have higher or lower divorce rates:
- A 2017 study found couples in open marriages had lower divorce rates than the general population. Just 11% of couples interviewed had divorced after opening up their marriages.
- Other studies have found equal or higher divorce rates for couples in open marriages compared to monogamous couples.
- Selection bias in research is an issue as couples with successful open marriages may be more likely to volunteer for studies.
- Methodological challenges in longitudinal divorce research on a stigmatized group also exist.
More large-scale longitudinal studies tracking couples over time are needed. But some evidence suggests open marriages initiated under the right circumstances and in which ground rules are followed can be as stable as monogamous marriages.
Therapies and Counseling for Open Relationships
Various therapies and counseling approaches may help couples seeking open marriages or navigating challenges in existing open relationships:
- Sex-positive therapy – Affirms and destigmatizes consensual non-traditional sexual and relationship arrangements.
- Emotion-focused therapy – Develops emotion regulation skills to manage jealousy, hurt, and resentment.
- Gottman method couples counseling – Improves communication and conflict management between partners.
- Narrative therapy – Focuses on deconstructing societal messages about relationships and sexuality.
- Mindfulness-based therapy – Cultivates nonjudgmental awareness and presence in the relationship.
- Support groups – Connect couples with others successfully navigating open relating.
Therapists trained in ethical non-monogamy can help couples create personalized guidelines, deepen intimacy, and overcome struggles unique to open marriages.
Conclusion
Research estimates a small but significant minority of married couples, likely around 4-5%, are in open relationships. However, limitations in data likely mean the numbers are underreported. As non-traditional relationships become more visible, greater numbers of couples are adopting consensual non-monogamy. With thoughtful agreements, strong communication, and ongoing emotional work, open relating can be ethical, satisfying and stable for some couples. But it proves unsustainable for most over the long-term. More research is needed to better understand the intricacies of successful open marriages.