A “yellow lie” is a type of lie that is told to be polite or avoid hurting someone’s feelings. It is a small, often harmless lie that is told to ease day-to-day social interactions. Yellow lies are common in situations where the truth may be uncomfortable or seen as impolite. For example, if a friend gets a bad haircut, instead of telling them it looks bad, you may tell a yellow lie and say it looks good to avoid hurting their feelings. Or when asked “does this dress make me look fat?”, someone may tell a white lie and say no, even if the dress is not flattering.
Definitions of Yellow Lie
Some key definitions of yellow lie include:
Polite Lie
A yellow lie is often considered a “polite lie” – something told to be courteous or kind in a social setting. It is typically a harmless stretching of the truth to avoid awkwardness or discomfort. For example, complimenting a friend’s cooking even when you don’t love the meal.
White Lie
A yellow lie is closely related to a “white lie” – an innocuous lie told to be polite or protect someone’s feelings. However, some draw distinctions between white and yellow lies, considering white lies to be more altruistic, while yellow lies are told for personal gain or benefit.
Prosocial Lie
Yellow lies are a form of “prosocial lie” – untruths told for seemingly altruistic purposes, to help or avoid hurting others. Prosocial lies may seem polite on the surface but can still have consequences.
Characteristics of Yellow Lies
Yellow lies have some key characteristics:
Usually Harmless
Yellow lies are often inconsequential and harmless. They are meant to ease social discomfort, not maliciously deceive.
Told for Personal Reasons
While they may appear polite, yellow lies are often told for personal reasons – to avoid awkwardness, get out of something, or make yourself look better.
Socially Accepted
There is some social acceptance of yellow lies as a means for smoothing social interactions and minimizing discomfort or conflict. However, views on acceptability depend on the individual and situation.
Can Become Habitual
Yellow lying may start small but can morph into a habit. The more these lies are told, the easier it becomes to lie about bigger things.
| Type of Lie | Definition | Example |
|---|---|---|
| White Lie | A harmless lie told to be polite or protect someone’s feelings | Saying “I love your new haircut” even if you don’t |
| Yellow Lie | A lie told for personal reasons, to be polite, gain advantage, or avoid discomfort | Calling in sick when you’re not because you want a day off |
| Bold-faced Lie | An outright, blatant lie told with deliberate intent to deceive | Saying “I didn’t break it” when you obviously did |
Reasons People Tell Yellow Lies
There are a variety of reasons people may turn to yellow lies:
Avoid Conflict
Lying to avoid hurting someone’s feelings, starting a disagreement, or facing an uncomfortable social situation.
Be Polite
Stretching the truth to be courteous, kind, and follow social etiquette.
Appear Better
Exaggerating accomplishments or lying about mistakes to impress others.
Get Out of Something
Making up stories and excuses to get out of responsibilities.
For Personal Gain
Deceiving or omitting information for personal benefit or profit.
Habit or Convenience
Lying easily and frequently because it’s become habitual behavior.
Examples of Yellow Lies
Some common examples of yellow lies include:
Compliments
– Telling someone you like their cooking even when the food is unpleasant.
– Saying a gift is exactly what you wanted, even if you don’t like it.
Excuses
– Calling in sick when you actually just want to skip work.
– Blaming traffic or car trouble when you’re running late.
Omitting Information
– Not mentioning you broke something of your roommate’s.
– Forgetting to disclose important details on a form or application.
Exaggeration
– Embellishing stories or accomplishments to impress friends.
– Overstating your skills or experience on a resume or in an interview.
Pros of Yellow Lies
Some potential “pros” that lead people to tell yellow lies include:
Avoid Awkwardness
White lies can help gloss over uncomfortable social situations.
Spare Feelings
Lying may prevent hurting or offending someone.
Grease Social Wheels
Small lies can help social interactions run more smoothly.
Benefit Yourself
Lies told for personal gain can get you out of responsibilities or make you look better.
Cons of Yellow Lies
However, yellow lies also have risks and downsides:
Damage Trust
Lies erode trust, even small or harmless-seeming ones.
Create Guilt
Lying can lead to feelings of guilt.
Lead to Bigger Lies
Small lies tend to grow into larger, more significant lies over time.
Hurt Relationships
Lies ultimately strain bonds when the truth comes out.
Reputation Damage
Getting caught in lies harms your reputation and credibility.
Alternatives to Yellow Lies
Rather than resorting to lying, consider these alternatives:
Honesty with Tact
Being truthful while still being sensitive. For example, politely declining an invitation you don’t want to accept.
Omission
Simply not mentioning something rather than lying about it. Like not bringing up a mistake.
Emphasis on Positives
Focusing on what you genuinely like about something, rather than lying. Such as complimenting one aspect of a bad haircut.
Humor
Deflecting an uncomfortable situation with humor rather than lying.
Excuse Yourself
Removing yourself from situations where you may be tempted to lie.
Is There Ever a Time for Yellow Lies?
Views differ on whether there are situations where yellow lies are acceptable or even beneficial:
Never
Some believe lying is unethical in any circumstance, no matter how small or well-intentioned.
Rarely
Lying should be avoided whenever possible, with very few exceptions for protecting feelings or privacy.
Sometimes
Little white lies are permissible occasionally when being truthful would clearly hurt someone or breach privacy.
Often
Yellow lies smooth social interaction and minimize discomfort, so are commonly told and accepted.
There are good faith arguments on all sides of when and whether white lies may be appropriate. In the end, it is a personal decision based on ethics, relationships and context of the situation.
Signs You May Be Telling Too Many Yellow Lies
If you notice any of these patterns, yellow lying may be becoming too frequent:
Lie Easily and Habitually
You find yourself lying without much forethought.
Lie without Guilt
You don’t feel guilty or don’t think twice about lying.
Lie to Close Friends/Family
You lie to those closest to you, not just acquaintances.
Lie for Personal Gain
Your lies aim to help yourself more than others.
Caught in Lies
You’ve been caught in lies repeatedly.
Lies Getting Bigger
Your lies are expanding beyond small white lies.
Reputation for Dishonesty
Others are suspicious of your integrity and honesty.
How to Tell Less Yellow Lies
To cut back on yellow lying:
Recognize Triggers
Reflect on situations or emotions that tempt you to lie. Avoid or prepare for these.
Pause and Rethink
Take a moment before speaking to consider if lying is absolutely necessary.
Commit to Honesty
Make a personal pledge to be honest whenever possible, even if it’s uncomfortable.
Admit Small Lies
If you tell a yellow lie, admit to it quickly before it escalates.
Be Accountable
Tell a close friend or partner about your goal of being more honest. Ask them to hold you accountable.
Focus on Trust
Remember that honesty builds trust in relationships while lying erodes it.
Conclusion
Yellow lies may seem harmless but should still be avoided when possible. Honesty, tact and omitting sensitive details are better alternatives. If you find yourself telling too many white lies, consciously work to be more truthful. Prioritize trust in your relationships over minor discomfort. With self-awareness and commitment to integrity, the habit of yellow lying can be broken.