Marriages in the military face unique challenges due to the stressful nature of military life. Deployments, frequent moves, long work hours, and extended time apart can put immense strain on relationships. Understanding the leading causes of divorce in military families can help identify potential problem areas and work proactively to strengthen marriages.
Infidelity
Infidelity is one of the top reasons cited for divorce among military couples. Deployments that require service members to be away from their spouse for months at a time provide greater opportunity for extramarital affairs. The stress of deployment may also lead some to seek comfort in physical intimacy outside of marriage. According to a 2018 survey by Military OneSource, 34% of military divorces involved adultery as the primary cause.
Deployment increases the risk of infidelity due to:
- Prolonged physical separation from spouse
- Loneliness and isolation
- Opportunity to develop intimate relationships with others going through similar experiences
Infidelity does not just occur during deployment. Even when at home, unusual work hours and frequent training exercises can provide chances for cheating. A lack of communication and emotional intimacy with the spouse may also motivate some to find fulfillment outside of marriage.
Financial Problems
Financial issues are a leading stressor for military families that can damage the marital relationship. A 2019 Blue Star Families survey found that 75% of military families experienced financial challenges, with 56% struggling with managing debt. Typical sources of money problems include:
- Difficulty managing finances on a military salary
- Spousal underemployment or difficulty finding work after frequent relocations
- Excessive credit card debt
- Lack of communication between spouses about finances
Financial stress can cause spouses to argue frequently about money, resulting in resentment and lack of trust. Debt problems and irresponsible spending habits seriously impact marital stability. Seeking help from military financial counselors and being transparent with finances can help mitigate this issue.
Post-Traumatic Stress
Mental health conditions like post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and depression, often related to traumatic experiences during deployment, increase divorce risk. A 2015 study published in the Journal of Anxiety Disorders found PTSD symptoms predicted greater marital dysfunction in military couples. Another study in the Journal of Family Psychology saw active duty service members with PTSD had a 62% higher likelihood of divorce compared to counterparts without a diagnosis.
PTSD symptoms like emotional numbness, anger, hypervigilance, and withdrawal interefere with intimacy and communication between spouses. Military members struggling with PTSD may be irritable, distrusting, and emotionally unavailable. Spouses report feeling like their partner is a different person after returning from deployment. Couples dealing with PTSD may benefit from marital counseling that incorporates education about PTSD and skills training to improve relationship functioning.
Frequent Relocations
Military families move frequently, relocating every 2-3 years on average. While some view moves as adventures, frequent relocations also disrupt family life. Issues that arise include:
- Spouse has difficulty securing employment
- Disruption of child’s education
- Loss of community support network with each move
- Financial cost of moving expenses
- Stress on marriage adapting to new environment
These factors increase marital discord, stress, and dissatisfaction. Moves near deployment also exponentially increase strain on relationships. Planning ahead, seeking out social support, and intentionally dedicating time to strengthen the marriage can help smooth transitions during PCS moves.
Absence of Private Time Together
Between deployments, training, and work obligations, military couples often lack alone time to focus on their relationship. Absence of privacy and one-on-one time can negatively impact:
- Communication
- Emotional and physical intimacy
- Bonding through shared activities/hobbies
- Ability to address problems constructively
Making couple time a priority, even if just for an hour or two per week, can make a big difference. This provides a chance to talk openly without distractions, be affectionate, have fun together, and keep the relationship strong.
Other Top Causes
Some other divorce factors cited in military marriages:
- Parenting disagreements: Conflicting ideas about discipline, roles, responsibilities. One spouse feels overwhelmed with the lion’s share of parenting duties.
- Communication issues: Not making time to talk honestly. Avoiding discussing problems out of fear, shame, or guilt. Conflict avoidance.
- Domestic violence/abuse: Reported rates are rising, more than double civilian rates by some estimates. Includes physical, emotional, and sexual abuse of spouse and/or children.
- Substance abuse: Heavy drinking, drug use, and addiction strain relationships and finances while impairing judgment.
- Different values/priorities: For example, one spouse prizes career advancement while the other wants family stability.
Coping with Divorce during Military Service
Going through a divorce while serving in the military poses some unique challenges:
- Continuing to work with ex if serving together
- Maintaining professionalism despite personal issues
- Figuring out who moves/stays in joint housing
- Dividing military benefits like health insurance
- Disrupting children’s lives with joint custody
Working with the JAG office to understand rights and responsibilities can help manage divorce smoothly. Seeking counseling provides support and keeps issues from affecting duty performance. Taking time to heal and rebuild stabilizes personal life and military career.
Getting Help
Fortunately, many resources exist to help military couples strengthen relationships and avoid divorce:
- Chaplains: Provide confidential counseling for personal, marital, and spiritual issues.
- Military OneSource: Offers relationship counseling for individuals, couples, and families.
- Family advocacy: Supplies support services focused on prevention of domestic violence and abuse.
- Financial counselors: Help manage money issues through budgeting, debt repayment plans, credit repair.
Seeking help early provides the best chance at preventing problems from escalating into divorce. Transparency, communication, and intentional effort to nurture the marriage are also key.
Reducing Divorce Rates
Initiatives by military branches to lower divorce include:
- Premarital education programs for engaged couples
- Marriage retreats to boost communication skills
- Relationship checkups to identify issues
- Parenting and anger management training
- Support groups for spouses of deployed service members
Implementation of these programs have coincided with a decline in divorce rates among some branches like the Air Force. Continued focus on prevention and early intervention will hopefully strengthen military marriages.
Conclusion
Marriages in the military face exceptional obstacles that frequently end in divorce if not addressed proactively. Top causes include infidelity, financial disputes, PTSD, frequent relocation, parenting conflicts, and lack of private couple time. Seeking counseling, making the relationship a priority, and utilizing military family support resources can mitigate marital problems before they become irreparable. With greater understanding of military divorce causes and concerted effort, relationships can thrive amidst the demands of military service.