The greatest need of a man in marriage can vary depending on the individual, but there are some common themes that tend to emerge. Many men desire respect, appreciation, support, intimacy, trust, and understanding from their wives. Having open communication, shared values and goals, and a willingness to compromise are also key ingredients for a successful marriage from a man’s perspective.
Respect
One of the top needs for men in a marriage is respect. Men want to feel respected by their wives for who they are as individuals. When a wife shows genuine respect for her husband’s opinions, interests, feelings, and desires, it makes him feel valued. Respect helps create an emotional safety in the relationship and validates his role as a husband. Ways wives can show respect include:
- Not dismissing or making fun of his thoughts and feelings
- Expressing appreciation for his efforts and hard work
- Asking for and listening to his perspective
- Supporting him in pursuing his interests and dreams
- Building him up with positive words
- Respecting his desire for intimacy
- Honoring his opinions even when you disagree
Showing contempt, belittling him, criticizing him, and using sarcasm can quickly erode a man’s sense of respect in the marriage. Respect lays the foundation for trust, safety, and connection.
Appreciation
Men have an inherent desire to provide, protect and please their spouse. When a wife expresses genuine appreciation for her husband’s efforts, it validates his efforts and makes him feel like he is succeeding in his role. Appreciation looks like:
- Thanking him for working hard to provide for the family
- Noticing the little things he does and expressing gratitude
- Complimenting his strengths and abilities
- Letting him know how much you value his role as father and husband
- Expressing appreciation for his ideas and insight
- Acknowledging his contributions to your well-being
Men often connect appreciation to respect. Lack of appreciation over time can cause a man to feel deflated and discouraged. Feeling appreciated gives men confidence and motivates them to continue striving.
Support
Knowing his wife believes in him and supports him is very empowering for a husband. When a wife serves as a cheerleader for her husband’s hopes and dreams, he feels like he has a teammate by his side. Support means:
- Encouraging him to pursue job opportunities, hobbies, sports, or other interests
- Being willing to make adjustments to support his career and calling
- Understanding when work requires long hours or travel
- Providing emotional support when he is feeling anxious or discouraged
- Celebrating his accomplishments and milestones
- Being willing to compromise on decisions
- Having his back in public and private
When a husband feels unsupported in his pursuits, he can feel isolated and misunderstood. Support brings assurance that his wife is on his team.
Intimacy
Intimacy is about more than just sex in a marriage; it encompasses emotional and spiritual connection as well. However, physical intimacy in marriage is very important for most men. Ways wives can meet this need include:
- Being available and willing for regular sexual activity
- Initiating intimate moments – not always waiting on the husband to initiate
- Expressing affection through physical touch, hugging, kissing
- Prioritizing couple time without distractions
- Opening up conversation, sharing feelings, thoughts, dreams
- Praying together and engaging in spiritual intimacy
- Setting aside quality time to maintain connection as a couple
Lack of physical intimacy over time can cause a husband to feel rejected, insecure, or distant in the marriage. Nurturing intimacy helps couples stay bonded and close.
Trust
Trust is the foundation on which a strong marriage is built. Men need to be able to trust that their wives will be faithful and have their back. Ways wives can build trust include:
- Being honest, even when the truth is difficult
- Keeping promises and following through consistently
- Protecting sensitive information and not gossiping with friends about marital issues
- Having transparent conversations about finances, schedules, in laws etc
- Living with integrity even in small matters
- Admitting mistakes and taking responsibility
- Listening well and providing a safe space for transparent dialog
When trust is broken through deception, betrayal, or unfaithfulness, it can be very difficult to rebuild. Protecting and nurturing trust leads to security.
Understanding
Men want to be understood by their wives. Every man has unique quirks, backgrounds, dreams, and needs. Seeking to truly understand a husband will strengthen the bond. Understanding looks like:
- Asking questions to learn what makes him tick
- Observing his habits to gain insight into his nature and temperament
- Listening without judgement when he shares openly
- Withholding unsolicited advice or criticism
- Appreciating and validating his unique personality
- Compromising when his needs differ from your own
- Seeking marriage counselling to facilitate understanding if needed
When a wife dismisses, ignores, or criticizes her husband’s desires, he can feel invalidated and unappreciated. Seeking real understanding fosters unity.
Open Communication
Men tend to process things inwardly first before vocalizing their thoughts and feelings. But having open communication is essential for a thriving marriage. Wives facilitate open communication by:
- Being quick to listen without interrupting
- Being slow to speak and judging
- Asking draw out questions to understand his perspective
- Sharing vulnerably about her own thoughts and feelings
- Speaking the truth in love, even when it’s hard
- Discussing issues calmly without attacking
- Compromising when disagreements happen
Without open communication, resentments and misunderstandings build up over time. Healthy communication fosters intimacy and understanding.
Shared Values
When a husband and wife share common values and goals, they can build their marriage and family around their core beliefs. This provides a stable foundation and a potent shared purpose. Ways wives can nurture shared values include:
- Discussing important issues like parenting, finances, faith before marriage
- Praying together and reading the Bible to foster spiritual intimacy and growth
- Having regular check-ins to ensure you’re still on the same page about core values
- Making decisions aligned with your values regarding use of time, money, energy
- Teaching your values to your children through intentional parenting
- Compromising in ways that don’t compromise key beliefs
When spouses have opposing values, it leads to frequent conflict and prevents true unity. Shared values allow couples to tackle challenges in stride.
Compromise
No two people will see completely eye-to-eye 100% of the time. A willingness to compromise is essential so that no one person feels like they always have to yield or lose in the marriage. Healthy compromise requires:
- A commitment to truly hear each other’s perspectives
- Grace and patience during disagreements
- A focus on solving issues rather than winning arguments
- A desire to meet each other’s needs unselfishly
- Sacrificing personal preference at times for the good of the marriage
- Flexibility and room for discussion
- Creative solutions that fulfill both people’s desires
Without compromise, relationships become a power struggle. Compromise facilitates unity even in the midst of differences.
Case Studies
Here are a few examples of how wives can meet the key needs of their husbands in real-life marriage scenarios:
Wife staying home with young kids
Jeremy works long hours as an accountant to provide for his wife Sarah and their three young children. Sarah recently left her job to stay home with the kids full-time. Here’s how she can meet Jeremy’s needs:
- Appreciate the hard work he does to allow her to be home with the kids
- Keep the house tidy and make sure meals are ready when he gets home
- Carve out couple time after the kids are in bed to maintain intimacy and connection
- Be flexible with his work schedule demands and support his career
- Give him space to unwind when he first gets home from work
- Thank him and praise his efforts to provide for the family as the sole breadwinner
New career opportunity
Liam was recently offered an exciting promotion at his job but it will require more travel and longer hours. His wife Amelia can meet his needs by:
- Encouraging him to take the promotion and supporting this career move
- Reassuring him that they will adjust family plans as needed to make it work
- Appreciating the financial security this promotion will bring
- Respecting this desire to advance and take on greater responsibility
- Compromising on getting extra help with household and childcare responsibilities
- Scheduling regular date nights and weekend getaways to maintain intimacy
Different parenting styles
Kyle prefers a structured parenting approach with clear rules and consequences while his wife Katie takes a more permissive, nurturing approach. To compromise while still meeting Kyle’s needs Katie can:
- Have open communication about their parenting differences
- Validate Kyle’s desire for structure while explaining her style
- Agree to set clear household rules and expectations for the kids
- Allow Kyle to handle most disciplinary consequences
- Support Kyle’s right to parent according to his beliefs
- Agree to discuss parenting conflicts privately away from the kids
Conclusion
While every man and marriage is unique, cultivating an atmosphere of mutual love and respect is essential. The foundational needs of appreciation, intimacy, trust, support, respect and understanding never go out of style. When both spouses commit to selfless love and humble service, they can build a relationship that stands the test of time.