Ghosting, which refers to ending a relationship by cutting off all communication without explanation, has unfortunately become more and more common. It leaves the ghosted person confused, hurt, and often ruminating about what they did wrong. While ghosting may seem like an easy way to end things for the person doing the ghosting, it can have lasting negative impacts on the person being ghosted. Fortunately, there are healthier and more compassionate alternatives to ghosting when ending a relationship.
What is ghosting?
Ghosting refers to ending a romantic relationship by stopping all communication with the other person, without any explanation or closure. It could occur after a few dates, or even in longer term relationships.
Some key characteristics of ghosting:
- It often happens abruptly, with no signs the relationship was about to end
- No explanation is provided for why communication is ending
- The person disappearing ceases all contact through text, phone calls, social media, and in-person meetings
- The person being ghosted is left confused, hurt, and with no sense of closure
Unfortunately ghosting has become more common, especially with the rise of online dating and texting replacing more face-to-face interaction. A recent study found that about 25% of people have experienced ghosting in their dating lives.
Why do people ghost?
There are a few common reasons someone might choose ghosting over a direct conversation to end a relationship:
- It feels easier: Having an awkward or difficult breakup conversation can feel daunting, so disappearing feels like an “easy way out.”
- Fear of confrontation: Some people have anxiety about in-person emotional confrontations, so they avoid the conversation entirely.
- Lack of empathy: Unfortunately some people have little empathy for their partner’s feelings and ghost out of callousness or lack of care.
- Safety concerns: In some cases, there could be safety reasons like domestic abuse that make a person afraid to have an open conversation.
While ghosting may feel like the simpler option, avoiding a difficult conversation ultimately causes more harm.
The problems with ghosting
On the receiving end, being ghosted can be an extremely hurtful experience. Some of the common emotional impacts include:
- Feeling confused and blindsided
- Rumination and obsessive thinking about what happened
- Lowered self-esteem and feelings of not being “good enough”
- Prolonged emotional pain from lack of closure
Ghosting also reflects poorly on the person doing the ghosting. It shows an inability to communicate directly and compassionately. It is the easy way out, but not the healthiest.
Healthier alternatives to ghosting
Ending a relationship will always be difficult, but there are alternatives to ghosting that are open, direct, and provide closure:
Direct conversation
Having an in-person (or phone/video) conversation is the most direct and compassionate way to end a relationship. This allows:
- Honesty about why the relationship is ending
- Space for both people to ask questions and express feelings
- The ability to gain closure
Of course, either person can say they do not wish to have an in-depth conversation, but even a brief talk with closure is better than ghosting.
Written message or letter
For some, talking in-person is too difficult or not possible. A thoughtful letter, email, or long text message can also provide:
- Closure about why the relationship did not work out
- Appreciation for the meaningful parts of the relationship
- Well wishes for the future
While less personal than a conversation, a written message is preferable to ghosting.
Gradual fading out
Sometimes neither an abrupt end nor a direct conversation feels right. Letting things “naturally” fade out may be an option. This could look like:
- Becoming less available for meetups
- Scaling back flirtation and physical intimacy
- Making it clear you are moving on, without an abrupt “end”
Fading out the intimacy and availability must be done with care not to lead the other person on. Minimal ongoing contact that makes expectations clear is better than suddenly disappearing.
When is ghosting justified?
In limited situations, ghosting may be justified or necessary for one’s wellbeing or safety:
- After early dating where little emotional investment has occurred
- When someone’s behavior seems unstable or abusive
- When previous attempts to directly end things were ignored
- When safety could be compromised by continued contact
However, it should still be the last resort after attempting to end things honestly and compassionately fails. Ghosting out of mere convenience or awkwardness is hard to justify ethically.
How to cope if you are ghosted
Being ghosted can be extremely painful. Here are some tips to help cope:
- Give it time – the initial shock will reduce with time
- Avoid obsessive rumination about the reasons – you will likely never know
- Reduce contact with your ex on social media to avoid emotional triggers
- Confide in trusted friends and family for support
- Journal about your feelings to process them
- Focus your energy on self-care like exercise, hobbies, and seeing loved ones
- Remember your worth goes far beyond one failed relationship
While extremely hurtful, being ghosted says more about the person who did it than you. With time and self-care, you can recover and move forward.
Conclusion
Ghosting has become too normalized as an easy way out of relationships. But choosing simple avoidance over human decency leaves deep scars. With reflection and courage, we can shift the culture to more open, honest conversations to end relationships. While painful, closure gives both parties the dignity of truth, care, and ultimately the chance to move on.