Parental burnout is a state of physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion that results from excessive and prolonged stresses involved in parenting. It occurs when the demands of being a parent exceed the resources parents have available to cope. Parental burnout is associated with feelings of being overwhelmed, drained, and “at the end of your rope.”
What are the symptoms of parental burnout?
There are several key symptoms and signs of parental burnout:
- Feeling emotionally drained and overwhelmed by parenting responsibilities
- Feeling unable to cope with the demands of parenting
- Feeling exhausted but still unable to rest or recharge
- Feeling detached, depressed, or apathetic about parenting
- Yelling, losing your temper, or becoming unusually impatient with your child
- Feeling like you’re just going through the motions as a parent
- Suffering physical symptoms like chronic headaches, stomachaches, or muscle tension
- Having frequent negative thoughts about yourself or your child
- Dreading spending time with or caring for your child
- Feeling that parenting is a burden or “just another chore”
If you regularly experience several of these symptoms, you may be dealing with parental burnout.
What causes parental burnout?
There are several potential causes and risk factors for parental burnout:
- Unrealistic expectations – Having perfectionistic views on parenting that are impossible to achieve
- Lack of social support – Not having family or friends to provide practical/emotional support
- Work-family conflict – Struggling to balance parenting with career demands
- Marital/partner conflict – Disagreements with your co-parent adding stress
- Single parenthood – Taking on all parenting duties without a partner
- High-needs child – Having a child with special needs, behavioral issues, etc.
- Personality traits – Being prone to anxiety, guilt, people-pleasing, etc.
- Childcare challenges – Lack of affordable, accessible childcare options
- Health issues – Dealing with your own physical/mental health problems
- Financial stress – Not having enough money to meet family’s needs
When parenting demands are consistently greater than a parent’s coping resources, burnout can develop over time.
How common is parental burnout?
Parental burnout appears to be relatively common, though precise statistics are limited. Some research suggests:
- In surveys, 8-46% of parents report symptoms of burnout
- Rates may be higher among parents of young children under 5
- Working mothers may experience burnout at higher rates than fathers
- Single parents have more than 2x the risk of burnout vs partnered parents
So while exact numbers vary, a substantial minority of parents seem affected by burnout at least sometimes.
Does parental burnout affect children?
Yes, parental burnout can negatively impact children in several ways:
- Harsher parenting – Shorter fuse, more yelling, spanking, etc.
- Less nurturing – Less quality time, affection, praise for child
- Poorer supervision – Letting rules/routines slide, increased safety risks
- Marital conflict – Fighting with co-parent in front of child
- Detachment – Being emotionally distant from child
- Negative role modeling – Displaying unhealthy coping mechanisms
Children pick up on their parents’ stress and detachment. This can contribute to behavioral, emotional, social, or academic problems for kids.
How is parental burnout treated?
Recovering from parental burnout requires a multifaceted approach:
- Self-care – Prioritizing exercise, sleep, healthy food, leisure time
- Social support – Seeking help from partner, family, friends, other parents
- Reassess expectations – Adjust unrealistic standards for yourself and child
- Change parenting approach – Adopt less overbearing, more authoritative style
- Simplify/outsource – Delegate tasks, reduce clutter, utilize childcare help
- Therapy – Address underlying mood disorders, unresolved trauma, etc.
- Medication – Seek treatment for anxiety, depression, insomnia, etc.
Taking a break from burnout triggers, prioritizing self-care, and getting support are essential first steps. For severe or chronic burnout, professional mental health treatment may be needed.
How can parents prevent burnout?
It’s ideal to try preventing parental burnout before it develops. Some proactive strategies include:
- Set realistic expectations for yourself as a parent
- Don’t sacrifice all personal hobbies – maintain balance
- Accept that the house won’t always be clean and tidy
- Share parenting duties equally with your partner
- Utilize available childcare and housekeeping help
- Cultivate your social circle for support
- Learn stress management and self-care skills
- Work on your marriage/relationship regularly
- Outsource chores/tasks that are draining for you
- Give yourself permission to take a break when needed
It’s impossible to prevent burnout entirely, but proactive self-care and support can reduce your risk.
How is parental burnout different from postpartum depression?
There are some key differences between parental burnout and postpartum depression:
| Parental Burnout | Postpartum Depression |
|---|---|
| Develops gradually over time | Starts suddenly after childbirth |
| Related to parenting workload/stressors | Mood disorder from hormones/neurochemistry |
| Feelings of frustration, irritability | Feelings of sadness, emptiness, guilt |
| Thoughts relate to childcare demands | Negative thoughts about self/baby |
While both involve emotional exhaustion in parenthood, burnout relates more to situational stress while PPD is a clinical mental health condition that requires professional treatment.
What are some self-care tips for burnt-out parents?
When you’re burnt out, basic self-care strategies can provide some relief. Try:
- Getting regular exercise – even just a daily walk
- Pursuing a hobby you enjoy – reading, crafting, sports, etc.
- Setting aside relaxation time – hot bath, soothing music, etc.
- Improving sleep habits – earlier bedtime, limit electronics before bed
- Eating a healthy diet – minimize sugar, processed foods, caffeine
- Spending time away from your child – get a sitter for a date night
- Reducing household clutter – clear out unused toys/items
- Saying no to optional commitments – only take on essentials
- Asking your partner for practical help – share duties, give you a break
- Hiring help if affordable – housekeeper, lawn service, childcare
Even small acts of self-care can lift your spirits and prevent reaching complete burnout. Prioritize your emotional and physical health.
What are signs it may be time to seek professional help?
Consider seeking counseling or mental health treatment if parental burnout:
- Is causing serious relationship conflict with your partner
- Leads to scary impulses or thoughts of harming your child
- Causes you to use alcohol, overeating, or other unhealthy coping mechanisms
- Prevents you from completing normal daily tasks and self-care
- Is coupled with suicidal thoughts or feelings of worthlessness
- Does not respond to informal interventions after 2-3 months
While normal burnout may improve with lifestyle changes, more serious cases accompanied by clinical depression or anxiety require a higher level of care from a psychologist, therapist, or psychiatrist.
What type of professional help is recommended?
Professional options that can help address parental burnout include:
- Individual therapy – Work one-on-one with a therapist or counselor
- Couples counseling – Joint sessions to improve parenting teamwork with your partner
- Parenting classes – Group classes on better parenting techniques
- Medication – Anti-depressants or anti-anxiety meds from a psychiatrist
- Support groups – Local groups for parents to swap advice and tips
- Family therapy – Sessions that include both parents and children
- Inpatient treatment – For severe burnout, residential facility for intensive therapy
An experienced mental health provider can assess your situation and help formulate a treatment plan tailored to your needs.
What lifestyle changes help reduce burnout?
Making certain lifestyle adjustments can also help alleviate burnout:
- Get regular exercise and physical activity
- Make time for hobbies and leisure activities
- Improve organization and declutter your home
- Simplify commitments and routines
- Share parenting duties equally with your partner
- Use childcare help and babysitters when needed
- Set boundaries with extended family about demands
- Reduce workplace stresses and demands if possible
- Focus on a healthy diet with immune-boosting foods
- Work on improving your marriage and family relationships
While not a cure-all, optimizing your lifestyle can reduce sources of stress and improve your resilience.
What are signs your child is affected by your burnout?
Watch for these signs parental burnout may be impacting your child:
- Increase in behavioral problems – tantrums, aggression, disobedience
- Trouble at school – lower grades, issues socializing
- Changes in sleep or appetite
- Signs of anxiety – nightmares, bedwetting, clinginess
- Somatic complaints – stomachaches, headaches
- Acting out harmful behaviors – lying, stealing, self-harm
- Developmental setbacks – regressing milestones
- Depressive symptoms – sadness, lack of joy, low energy
Kids are very perceptive, so parental burnout can affect their emotional and physical well-being. Seek help from a child therapist or counselor if concerned.
What are the long-term risks of untreated parental burnout?
Without treatment, the risks of long-term parental burnout include:
- Clinical depression or anxiety disorders
- Dysfunctional family dynamics
- Marital problems or divorce
- Loss of emotional bond with your child
- Alcohol or drug abuse
- Child behavior problems continuing into adolescence
- Sub-optimal childhood development
- Parental self-harm or suicidal thoughts
Allowing burnout to become your “new normal” puts you and your family’s health at risk. Seek help before it reaches a crisis point.
How can families help a parent suffering from burnout?
If someone you know is burnt out from parenting, offer support in these ways:
- Give the parent a break – babysit their kids for a few hours
- Help around the house – do chores and errands for them
- Validate their feelings – provide emotional support
- Suggest counseling – help connect them to a therapist
- Meal train – coordinate bringing meals for their family
- Limit demands/advice – reduce pressure and criticism
- Offer parenting tips – share experience and resources
- Include kids in activities – outings, playdates to give parent time off
Lending a helping hand, being non-judgmental, and allowing them time to recharge can aid recovery.
When does parental burnout typically peak?
Research indicates parental burnout often peaks:
- In first 3-5 years of parenthood
- When having multiple young children
- During the toddler and preschool ages 1-5 years
- When kids are teenagers 13-18 years
- When a high-needs child has greater demands
- During major life changes – new baby, divorce, job loss
Times of increased childcare demands and family stress create more risk of burnout. New parents should take steps to prevent it.
Conclusion
Parental burnout is an increasingly common experience among today’s stressed-out parents. While some degree of exhaustion is expected, full-blown burnout takes a toll on parents and children alike. The good news is that by recognizing the symptoms and causes early, parents can seek support to prevent reaching complete burnout. With adequate coping skills and resources, parents can find more balance, joy and connection in raising their children.