What is bipolar disorder?
Bipolar disorder, formerly known as manic depression, is a mental health condition characterized by extreme shifts in mood and energy levels. A person with bipolar disorder experiences alternating episodes of mania (elevated mood) and depression. These mood episodes cause significant disturbances in a person’s energy, thinking, behavior, and ability to function.
Bipolar disorder affects about 2.8% of the adult population in the United States. It typically emerges in the late teens to mid-20s. Bipolar disorder is an equal opportunity condition – it affects men and women equally.
Some key facts about bipolar disorder:
- There are several types of bipolar disorder. The main types are bipolar I disorder, bipolar II disorder, cyclothymic disorder, and unspecified bipolar disorders.
- The exact cause is unknown, but it’s believed to be a combination of genetic, biological, and environmental factors.
- Episodes of mania and depression can last from days to months. Manic episodes often have a more sudden onset, while depressive episodes are longer lasting.
- Symptoms of mania include increased energy, racing thoughts, impulsiveness, reduced need for sleep, rapid speech, and risky behavior. Symptoms of depression include sadness, fatigue, lack of interest in activities, changes in sleep and appetite, and suicidal thoughts.
- Medications and psychotherapy are the main treatments. With proper treatment, many people can manage their bipolar disorder symptoms and live fulfilling lives.
What’s it like to date someone with bipolar disorder?
Dating someone with bipolar disorder can bring unique joys and challenges. No two relationships are alike, but here is a general overview of some of the key aspects of dating someone with this condition:
Mood episodes
As their partner, you may witness both the manic and depressive episodes associated with bipolar disorder firsthand. These mood episodes can vary in their intensity and duration.
During manic episodes, your partner may seem energetic, ambitious, impulsive and not in need of much sleep. Their behavior may seem erratic, reckless or intrusive. You may feel overwhelmed keeping up with their fast pace.
Depressive episodes often bring lethargy, sadness, lack of motivation, changes in appetite, and social withdrawal. Your partner may seem like a completely different person. They may need extra support and patience during this phase.
Learning your partner’s triggers, early warning signs of mood changes, and most effective ways you can support them during episodes takes time. Having open communication about their symptoms helps you both better navigate the relationship.
Treatment management
Successfully managing bipolar disorder often involves medication, psychotherapy, and lifestyle changes. As a partner, try to be understanding and supportive of the treatment regimen.
Your partner may struggle with side effects of psychiatric medication. They may be still stabilizing the ideal medication combination and dosages. Let them know you are there for them during this process.
Attending medical appointments together can help you understand their symptoms and treatment better. Share any concerns you have about unusual behavior changes in an honest but compassionate way.
Unpredictability
The unpredictable mood changes associated with bipolar disorder can be difficult to adapt to. You may feel like you are walking on eggshells at times, unsure of your partner’s mood on any given day. The instability of bipolar disorder can take a toll on relationships.
Patience is key. Finding healthy ways to cope with stress, such as exercising, meditating, or confiding in friends, can help you manage during especially chaotic times. Maintaining your own interests and social circle outside the relationship is also recommended.
Hypersexuality
Some people experience increased sex drive, risk taking behavior, and impulsivity during manic episodes. They may make sexual comments or advances that are unusual or inappropriate. Hypersexuality can place strain on a relationship.
If you are uncomfortable with any behavior during your partner’s manic states, politely communicating your boundaries is important. However, try to avoid making them feel judged, ashamed, or rejected because of their symptoms.
Irritability
Extreme shifts in mood and erratic behavior can understandably cause relationship friction. Your partner may seem more irritable, critical, sensitive, indecisive, or angry during mood episodes. Try not to take it personally.
Staying calm and avoiding escalating arguments is wise during turbulent times. When emotions are running high, taking space to cool off can help. Revisit the conversation when you are both in a more stable mindset.
Intimacy challenges
Episodes of depression often lead to a decreased sex drive and physical affection. On the other hand, mania is associated with hypersexuality. Mood swings may leave your sex life unpredictable.
When your partner is stable, open communication about both of your needs and boundaries is important. During depressed phases, be patient, focus on emotional intimacy, and avoid pressuring about sex. During manic phases, reign things in if needed.
Self-care
Being the partner of someone with bipolar disorder can be emotionally exhausting at times. You may feel overwhelmed by the gravity of the situation. Make sure to practice self-care, whether that means taking alone time, pursuing your hobbies, or seeking counseling.
Set healthy boundaries regarding how your partner’s symptoms impact you. You are their partner, not their caregiver or therapist. Ultimately, they need to take responsibility for managing their bipolar disorder.
Stability and support
Despite the difficulties, many couples thrive when one partner has bipolar disorder, especially once the condition is properly treated. Focus on the positive qualities that initially drew you to this person. Be patient, compassionate, and supportive when bipolar symptoms arise. With open communication, mutual understanding, and treatment, you can have a healthy, loving relationship.
How do I know if someone has bipolar disorder?
Since bipolar disorder is characterized by extreme shifts in mood and behavior, there are some key signs to look out for in your partner:
- Mania symptoms: Increased energy, euphoria or irritability, racing thoughts, impulsive behavior, reduced need for sleep, rapid speech, poor decision making, inflated self-esteem.
- Depression symptoms: Sad or hopeless mood, lack of energy, difficulty concentrating, changes in sleep and appetite, loss of interest in activities, social withdrawal, thoughts of suicide.
- Intense mood swings: Drastic shifts in mood and behavior, often in reaction to stressors in life. Mood episodes can last days to months.
- Risk taking behavior: Impulsiveness around sex, drugs, spending money, and other thrill seeking behaviors, often during manic episodes.
- Chaotic schedule: Erratic sleep patterns. Periods of high energy and productivity contrasted with low motivation and inactivity.
- Treatment challenges: Difficulty sticking with medication regimen or psychotherapy. Missing appointments during manic states.
Keep in mind that mood swings and erratic behavior can have many causes besides bipolar disorder. Professional evaluation is needed to make an accurate diagnosis. Consulting a doctor is wise if you suspect your partner may be struggling with untreated bipolar disorder.
What are some challenges of dating someone with bipolar disorder?
Dating someone with untreated or uncontrolled bipolar disorder can be exceptionally challenging. Here are some common issues that may arise:
- Unpredictable moods: Their moods may change frequently and rapidly, leaving you constantly unsure of what to expect from them.
- Chaotic behavior: You may witness highly erratic, impulsive, and reckless behavior that is uncharacteristic during manic episodes.
- Risks of substance abuse: They may turn to drugs, alcohol, or other substances to cope with their mood disorder, which can worsen the situation.
- Feeling like you’re “walking on eggshells”: Treading lightly around your partner to avoid triggering their anger, irritability, or depressive symptoms.
- Hypersexuality: Increased libido, inappropriate sexual advances, and impulsive sexual behaviors during mania can place strain on the relationship.
- Low motivation and social withdrawal: Severe depression can leave your partner disinterested in maintaining friendships, family relationships, and shared activities.
- Suicidal thoughts: Monitor for any suicidal thinking during depressive episodes and get professional help immediately if needed. Don’t try to handle it alone.
- Poor treatment compliance: Not taking medications reliably or avoiding psychotherapy can negatively impact the relationship.
- Caregiver strain: Feeling overwhelmed with taking care of their needs while neglecting your own can lead to burnout.
If your partner’s bipolar symptoms are significantly impairing your relationship and their ability to function, professional intervention is required, perhaps even involuntary hospitalization in severe cases. With proper treatment and diligence, many of these challenges can be managed for an improved relationship.
What are some positive aspects of dating someone with bipolar disorder?
Despite the difficulties, relationships involving someone with bipolar disorder can thrive and have many positives. Some potential advantages include:
- They’re fun and spontaneous during stable periods: Their excitement for life’s adventures can be contagious.
- They’re deeply creative and passionate: Their intense emotions can inspire artistic pursuits and visionary thinking.
- They’re open and honest communicators: Unfiltered expression and vulnerability can help build intimacy.
- They’re tremendously resilient: Overcoming bipolar challenges requires great inner strength.
- You gain insight and empathy: Witnessing their struggles gives you a greater awareness of mental health issues.
- You feel needed and helpful: Supporting them through difficult times can make you feel useful in their life.
- The good times are really good: Periods of stability, joy, and deep connection make the challenges worthwhile.
- The relationship is never boring: Their intense emotions prevent apathy and boredom from setting in.
When properly managed, bipolar disorder doesn’t have to define your partner. Focus on their unique personality traits and redeeming qualities that attracted you in the first place. With compassion, patience, communication, professional support, and commitment, a strong relationship is possible.
How do I set healthy boundaries when dating someone with bipolar disorder?
Setting clear boundaries in your relationship is vital for mutual wellbeing. Here are some tips:
- Discuss boundaries and expectations during stable periods. Don’t wait until mood episodes arise.
- Be honest about behaviors you are uncomfortable with and will not tolerate long-term.
- Acknowledge their symptoms while emphasizing personal accountability. “I know you’re depressed, but it’s unacceptable to…”
- If enabling unhealthy behavior, reassert your boundaries. Offer support in seeking professional help.
- During severe mania or suicidal talk, ultimatums regarding treatment may be needed.
- Check in with yourself that you’re comfortable with the relationship as it stands now, not just future potential.
- Let them take the lead in managing their disorder. Don’t take on a full caregiver role.
- Keep pursuing your own interests and friendships outside the relationship.
- If your needs aren’t being met long-term, consider whether it’s best to end the relationship.
- See a therapist yourself if you need help navigating relationship challenges.
Accept that despite your best efforts, your partner’s symptoms may still periodicallyimpact your relationship. But consistent boundaries protect you both from toxicity and codependence. They can ultimately strengthen intimacy, trust and stability.
How do I support my bipolar partner during depressive episodes?
Depressive episodes in someone with bipolar disorder can be difficult to witness and support. Here are some tips:
- Learn to recognize their depressive symptoms early on and offer help sooner.
- Gently encourage continued treatment, but don’t attempt to force participation.
- Ask how they would like to be supported. Respect if they need space.
- Offer emotional support through active listening without judgment.
- Remind them this is the depression talking, not reality.
- Suggest small pleasures like a shared hobby, funny movie, or brief walk.
- Help reduce sources of stress when possible.
- Encourage sleep regulation, nutrition, and other healthy self-care habits.
- Praise any small accomplishments completed during this phase.
- If you feel overwhelmed, seek support from their care team or your own therapist.
- Get emergency help if they become actively suicidal.
While you can offer loving support, remember you cannot singlehandedly “fix” your partner’s depression. Meet them where they’re at and avoid pressuring rapid recovery. With professional treatment and your compassion, depressive episodes do eventually pass.
Conclusion
Dating someone with bipolar disorder brings unique rewards and trials. While the neurochemical mood swings can be challenging, with the right treatment plan, communication, boundaries, and support, it is absolutely possible to have a healthy, fulfilling relationship. Focus on the positive qualities that drew you together, get educated on the disorder, and be patient during the highs and lows. With commitment and compassion from you both, love can thrive.