This is an excellent question that touches on an important issue of hypocrisy and “do as I say, not as I do” behavior. When someone advises against an action but then does that very thing themselves, there are a few terms that can describe this contradictory situation:
Hypocrisy
Hypocrisy is the practice of claiming to have moral standards or beliefs to which one’s own behavior does not conform. A hypocrite pretends to hold certain principles or virtues but fails to live up to them. For example, a parent might tell their child not to smoke cigarettes because they are unhealthy, but the parent continues to smoke themselves. This would be an act of hypocrisy.
Double standard
A double standard is the application of different sets of principles for similar situations. It involves the uneven application of rules and punishments depending on one’s own interests. If someone says “you can’t do that” but then does it themselves, they are applying a double standard. For instance, a manager tells employees they cannot take extended lunch breaks, yet the manager takes two-hour lunches daily.
Holier-than-thou
Being “holier-than-thou” means acting as if one is morally superior to others. A holier-than-thou person would tell others not to do something they perceive as wrong, but then feel they are exempt from that same standard. For example, a religious leader who preaches fidelity in marriage but then commits adultery would be considered holier-than-thou.
Key Examples
There are many common examples of this type of contradictory behavior in everyday life:
- A parent tells their child, “Don’t smoke,” but the parent continues to smoke cigarettes.
- A boss tells employees, “No surfing the web during work hours,” but surfs the web throughout the day themselves.
- A politician runs on an anti-nepotism platform, but then gives cushy government jobs to their own unqualified relatives once elected.
- An environmentalist lectures people about reducing their carbon footprint, but flies in a private jet and owns multiple homes.
- A religious leader condemns homosexuality as a sin, but is then caught engaging in same-sex relationships.
The above examples demonstrate the essence of “do as I say, not as I do” hypocrisy. The hypocrite attempts to impose standards on others that they refuse to adhere to themselves.
Exploring the Psychology Behind This Behavior
What would cause someone to project strict standards outwardly that they then violate in private? There are several potential psychological explanations:
Cognitive dissonance
Cognitive dissonance refers to the mental tension that arises when someone’s behaviors and beliefs are contradictory. To reduce dissonance, people will sometimes adjust their attitudes to better align with their actions. So a hypocrite may convince themselves their rule-breaking is acceptable to avoid mental conflict.
Self-serving bias
This bias leads people to interpret situations in ways that suit their own interests. Hypocrites can justify their double standards by viewing their own actions in an overly charitable light. They believe their rule-breaking isn’t as bad as others doing the same thing.
Moral licensing
Moral licensing is the phenomenon where people feel licensed to engage in questionable behavior because they first did something virtuous. For example, after making a charitable donation, someone might feel it’s acceptable to then treat themselves to something self-indulgent. Hypocrites may use moral licensing to excuse their own transgressions.
In-group favoritism
People apply different standards to those they view as part of their social group versus outsiders. Hypocrites may strictly judge others’ behaviors while feeling their in-group members are exempt from the same criticism. They treat their own “team” by separate rules.
Rationalization
Rationalization involves creating logically sounding but inaccurate justifications for one’s unacceptable behaviors. Hypocrites are prone to rationalizing why their rule-breaking isn’t really so bad or finding ways to place blame on external causes rather than accepting responsibility.
Broader Cultural Examples of Hypocrisy
Beyond individual cases, there are also many examples in society and culture where hypocrisy thrives:
- Politicians who use public funds for personal indulgences while cutting funding for public programs.
- Celebrities who preach environmentalism but own private jets and multiple mansions.
- Corporations that market unhealthy foods and prioritize profits over public health.
- Social media influencers who edit their photos while promoting “body positivity.”
- Religious institutions that enabled child abuse by protected abusive leaders and silencing victims.
These examples reveal how hypocrisy can thrive across organizations and social systems when words and actions are misaligned. Change often requires acknowledging and addressing these contradictions.
The Consequences of Hypocrisy
Hypocritical double standards can lead to a variety of harmful consequences, including:
- Damaged trust and relationships as people feel lied to and deceived.
- Increased cynicism as hypocrisy leads people to expect the worst in human nature.
- Undermined integrity and moral leadership since hypocrites have little credibility.
- Resentment and anger from those forced to abide by standards the hypocrite ignores.
- Normalized corruption as hypocrites model an “ends justify the means” approach.
In the long-term, widespread hypocrisy can corrode social capital and erode the social contract holding communities together. Hypocrisy should be addressed through transparency, accountability, and moral alignment between words and deeds.
How To Deal With Hypocrisy
When faced with hypocritical “do as I say, not as I do” behaviors, here are some tips:
- Point out the contradiction calmly and rationally, appealing to the person’s sense of integrity.
- Set boundaries around your own involvement so you are not complicit in hypocritical behavior.
- Practice what you preach consistently to model non-hypocritical behavior.
- Be understanding that we all have blind spots and contradictions we don’t see.
- Don’t become cynical, but maintain high ethical standards for yourself and your community.
- Enact consequences for hypocrisy, like lost trust and lost positions of influence.
With self-awareness and commitment to moral alignment, we can reduce hypocrisy and its corrosive impacts.
Conclusion
Hypocrisy undermines trust and erodes the social fabric tying communities together. When someone imposes harsh standards that they fail to live up to themselves, terms like “hypocrisy,” “double standards,” and “holier-than-thou” behavior may apply. This often stems from psychological tendencies to reduce cognitive dissonance, rationalize poor behavior, or apply different rules to oneself versus others. Addressing hypocrisy requires acknowledgment, accountability, and a realignment of values and actions. By becoming more ethical and consistent role models, we can heal the harm caused by “do as I say, not as I do” duplicity and rebuild relationships of trust.