When a girl is romantically or sexually attracted to other girls, this is referred to as homosexuality or being lesbian. Same-gender attraction and relationships have occurred throughout human history, but have often been hidden or suppressed due to societal stigma. As LGBTQ+ identities and relationships become more visible and accepted in modern times, more young women are able to openly explore and embrace their attraction to other women. There are a variety of terms used to describe female same-gender attraction and relationships.
Key Terms
Lesbian
The most common term for a homosexual woman is “lesbian.” This term originated in reference to the Greek island of Lesbos, home of the poet Sappho who wrote about her emotional and sexual relationships with women. Today, “lesbian” is used to describe women who experience romantic, emotional, and/or sexual attraction to other women. Many women proudly identify as lesbians to describe their exclusive attraction to women. Others may use the term more casually to indicate their predominant (but not exclusive) interest in women.
Gay
“Gay” is sometimes used as a broad term to describe homosexual individuals of any gender. However, it is more commonly used to describe homosexual men. Some women also identify as gay to indicate their primary attraction to women. However, many women prefer the term “lesbian” over “gay” to highlight their gender specificity.
Queer
“Queer” has traditionally been used as a derogatory slur for LGBTQ+ individuals. In recent decades, the term has been reclaimed by the LGBTQ+ community as a positive umbrella term encompassing identities and relationships outside of heteronormative ones. Some women adopt “queer” as their identity to convey their same-gender attraction while resisting the rigid categorization of terms like “lesbian” or “bisexual.”
Bisexual
Bisexual women experience attraction to multiple genders. A bisexual woman may be attracted to both women and men. The intensity of her attraction may fluctuate or be equal. She may embrace the label “bisexual” to acknowledge her broad attraction.
Pansexual
Pansexual women experience attraction across all gender identities. The term conveys that gender identity and biological sex are not determining factors for their attraction. Some pansexual women prefer this term over “bisexual” to emphasize their potential attraction regardless of gender.
Homoromantic
“Homoromantic” conveys a specifically romantic/emotional (rather than sexual) attraction between women. A woman may identify as a homoromantic lesbian if she feels emotionally/romantically drawn to women but does not necessarily experience sexual desire.
WLW (Women Loving Women)
“WLW” means “women loving women.” It is used as a broad umbrella term to describe women who intimately love, are attracted to, or are in relationships with other women. WLW conveys intimacy among women without specifying sexual or romantic elements.
Sapphic
Derived from the poet Sappho, “sapphic” is used to describe female same-gender attraction and relationships. It is commonly used to describe media, fiction, and fan communities focused on female/female intimacy.
Gynephilia
Gynephilia refers to sexual attraction toward females or femininity. A gynephilic woman experiences sexual arousal and desire for women. This psychological term overlaps heavily with lesbian identity but focuses on the sexual component.
Sexuality as a Spectrum
Sexuality and attraction exist on a spectrum. Women may not relate fully to a single label or their feelings may evolve over time. Some women experience fluctating cycles of attraction. Others feel initial confusion about conflicting desires or pressure to choose a label. Attraction can manifest in varying ways romantically, sexually, aesthetically, emotionally, spiritually. Rather than force themselves into a box, some women prefer to openly explore feelings as they develop naturally.
Degrees of Same-Gender Attraction in Women
Here are some examples of same-gender attraction that may be experienced by women across the spectrum:
- Admiring the appearance of certain women
- Developing intense emotional attachments to female friends or mentors
- Experiencing physical arousal around certain women
- Enjoying romantic or sexual fantasies about women
- Feeling a desire to kiss, cuddle, or become physically intimate with a woman
- Developing romantic feelings towards female friends or acquaintances
- Enjoying dating, relationships, and love with women
- Feeling sexually satisfied by women
- Preferring emotional and sexual intimacy with women exclusively
A woman does not have to check every box to explore or validate any same-gender desires she experiences. Attraction exists on an individualized spectrum.
Causes and Factors
There are a variety of theories on the causes and influencing factors related to female same-gender attraction. As with many aspects of human psychology and sexuality, there is likely a complex interplay of biological, sociocultural, and environmental factors. Here are some of the key considerations:
Biological Factors
There may be biological or innate factors that predispose women toward homosexual orientation. These may be related to genetics, prenatal hormone exposure, or physical brain structure. Some studies have found correlating biological patterns among lesbians. However, no single “gay gene” has been definitively proven. Biology likely interacts with environment in shaping sexuality.
Hormones
Hormone levels that differ from the norm may play a role. Women with high androgen levels or low estrogen levels may be more likely to experience same-gender attraction. The prenatal hormone environment also influences future sexual development.
Genetics
Twin studies reveal some inherited genetic tendencies toward homosexuality. If one identical twin is lesbian, the other has a higher probability of also being lesbian. However, genetics cannot fully account for same-gender attraction.
Evolutionary Adaptation Theories
Some evolutionary psychologists propose that homosexuality persists across generations because it conferred advantages to ancestral human social groups. For example, gay individuals may have helped care for offspring who were not their own biological children.
Social and Cultural Influences
Social and cultural context shapes sexuality. Women who grow up in single-sex environments often demonstrate higher rates of same-gender attraction. Strong same-gender friendships and diverse media representation may normalize same-gender intimacy. Sexuality may also be fluid across the lifetime depending on social influences.
Childhood and Family Experiences
There are no definitive patterns, but some studies correlate certain childhood and family environment factors with a higher incidence of lesbianism:
- Rough and tumble play, traditionally masculine gender expression
- Close relationship with the mother
- Distant, hostile, or absent father figure
- Growing up with older brothers
- Lack of bonding with same-sex peers
- Parents troubled marriage or divorce
Again, these are not definitive causes. Many lesbians do not share these patterns. Environmental factors likely interact with biological propensities.
Realization and Self-Acceptance
The process of realizing and accepting same-gender attraction is highly personal for each woman. Some women reflect that they always felt “different” growing up but lacked the language or role models to describe lesbian identity until later in life. Others suppress their homosexual desires well into adulthood before finally embracing their identity. The average age women self-identify as lesbian or queer is often the early to mid 20s. However, self-realization can truly happen at any point across the lifespan.
There are some common milestones associated with lesbian awakening:
- Feeling unusually intense interest in certain female celebrities, characters or friends during adolescence
- Experiencing visceral jealousy when female friends date or show interest in boys
- Feeling disappointed or confused by lack of satisfaction in relationships with the opposite sex
- Having an intense emotional and/or erotic dream about a woman
- Developing an intimate female friendship that transitions into romantic interest
- Feeling overwhelmingly happy and alive during a first flirtation, kiss or sexual experience with a woman
- Reading or watching LGBTQ+ media stories and suddenly realizing this describes how they always felt but could not articulate
- Falling head over heels in love with a close female friend
The self-acceptance process is lifelong. Negative stereotypes and internalized homophobia often contribute to feelings of shame or isolation. Connecting to LGBTQ+ communities and positive media representation helps many lesbian women fully embrace their identities. Self-love and inner confidence grows over time.
Coming Out and Living Openly
Coming out refers to the process of revealing one’s identity as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, or any sexual/gender minority. Coming out is a continual, sometimes lifelong process. Key moments often include:
- Coming out to oneself
- Coming out to a close friend or sibling
- Coming out to parents and family members
- Coming out publicly on social media
- Living openly within public spaces, workplaces, schools, places of worship, etc.
Coming out can be liberating and empowering. However, the decision to come out is also highly personal. Not everyone has the luxury or security to reveal their identity publicly. Individuals assess when and how to come out based on factors like:
- Level of acceptance/support from family and community
- Risk of rejection, bullying, or violence
- Local political climate and LGBTQ+ legal protections
- Personal comfort and self-confidence
With growing legal rights and societal acceptance, more lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer-identified individuals are able to live openly. However, prejudice persists, and coming out remains a complex, lifelong journey.
Relationships and Family
Lesbians seek fulfilling relationships and families just like anyone else. While same-gender couples still face some legal and social disadvantages, progress continues to be made.
Dating
Finding other women to date can be challenging depending on geographic location and social circles. Many lesbian women report difficulty navigating the dating landscape. Dating apps and queer social events help facilitate connections.
Long-term Relationships
Lesbian couples can maintain healthy, committed long-term unions just like heterosexual couples. With communication, mutual understanding and continued intimacy, lesbian relationships stand the test of time.
Marriage
Legal same-sex marriage is now recognized federally in the United States and in over 30 other countries. Lesbian couples increasingly have the same marital rights as heterosexual couples.
Families and Children
Lesbians can form families through:
- Adoption
- Foster parenting
- Assisted reproductive technology like artificial insemination, IVF, or surrogacy
- Parenting children from previous heterosexual relationships
- Co-parenting arrangements with gay men or trans individuals
Research consistently shows children raised by lesbian parents fare just as well as those raised by heterosexual parents. Love, stability and opportunity – not gender or orientation – are what really matter in healthy child development.
Chosen Family
Even without legal or biological ties, many lesbians form close family-like networks, bonds, and support systems within LGBTQ+ community. Friendships, partnerships and alternative family structures help build a sense of belonging.
Famous Lesbians Throughout History
Lesbian and women-loving-women have made significant contributions throughout history. Here are just a few noteworthy figures:
Sappho (c. 630 – c. 570 BCE)
Ancient Greek poet whose lyrical writing centered intimate relationships among women.
Catalina de Erauso (1592 – 1650)
Catholic nun who dressed as a man to live adventurously; fought a famous duel over a young woman.
Anne Lister (1791 – 1840)
English noblewoman who unapologetically loved women; wrote coded diaries about her lesbisn relationships.
Radclyffe Hall (1880 – 1943)
English poet and author whose lesbian novel “The Well of Loneliness” was banned but helped awaken LGBTQ+ activism.
Gladys Bentley (1907 – 1960)
Blues singer who performed in men’s attire and was openly lesbian during the Harlem Renaissance.
Frida Kahlo (1907 – 1954)
Bisexual Mexican painter known for colorful self-portraits and passionate affairs with women.
Gertrude Stein (1874 – 1946)
Influential modernist writer; had a lifelong romantic relationship with Alice B. Toklas.
Audre Lorde (1934 – 1992)
Black lesbian poet and feminist; pioneered intersectional scholarship on gender, race, and sexuality.
Tammy Baldwin (1962 – present)
First openly gay person elected to U.S. Senate (2013); proud lesbian and public servant.
This diverse list of “out” lesbians represents just a fraction. Many more queer women remain lesser known or undiscovered across the centuries. Their legacies inspire continued pride and progress.
Health Considerations
Lesbian health encompasses physical, mental and social well-being. Here are some key aspects:
Sexual Health
Lesbians experience lower rates of sexually transmitted infections. However, consider safe sex practices and dental dam use with new partners. Regular STI testing is still recommended.
Cancer Screening
Lesbians may be at lower risk for cervical, ovarian, and uterine cancers. However, women who have ever had sex with men and transwomen retain risk. Follow guidelines for breast exams, pap smears, and HPV testing.
Mental Health
Minority stress and isolation increase mental health struggles among lesbians. Seek supportive community and competent psychological care.
Substance Use
Lesbians report higher rates of smoking, alcohol use, and substance abuse, perhaps due to discrimination stress. Be aware of unhealthy coping habits.
Body Image
Reject unrealistic beauty ideals marketed mainly to heterosexual men. Celebrate diversity of lesbian gender expression and attractiveness.
Healthcare System Barriers
Doctors often assume patients are straight. Clearly communicate your identity, relationships, behaviors, and health needs. Seek LGBTQ+-affirming providers.
Holistic wellbeing requires self-acceptance, social support, and access to competent care. Overall, lesbians can achieve healthy, fulfilling lives.
Positive Representation and Community
Growing media representation helps increase lesbian visibility and acceptance. TV shows, movies, books, news and social media play a valuable role in affirming lesbian identities. Content creators should portray the full diversity of lesbian experiences through multi-dimensional, humanizing storytelling.
In-person LGBTQ+ community spaces also provide critical opportunities for connection, especially formats like:
- GSA or LGBTQ+ college student groups
- Gay-straight alliances at high schools
- Pride parades and other public events
- Bars, parties, and gayborhoods
- Community centers with support groups, counseling, activities
- Feminist organizations and activism groups
- Gay sports leagues or outdoor recreation clubs
- Book clubs and reading groups
- Spiritual groups at inclusive places of worship
Access to both virtual community and local in-person spaces helps lesbian women feel seen, supported, and empowered to live authentically.
Conclusion
When a girl likes another girl, she might identify anywhere across the spectrum of sexual and gender identities – lesbian, gay, bisexual, queer, pansexual or otherwise. Labels help many find a sense of clarity, community, and pride. But the most important thing is for women to live honestly, following the heart’s truths without judgment or fear. From understanding inner desires to gaining visibility to forming fulfilling relationships, the journey is a process unique to each individual. While challenges remain, we make progress with each woman who lives openly and proudly regardless of who she loves.