Splitting is a defense mechanism in which a person fails to integrate the positive and negative qualities of themselves or others into a cohesive, realistic whole. Instead, a person who utilizes splitting views both the self and others as either all good or all bad.
What are the key characteristics of splitting?
Some key characteristics of splitting include:
- Seeing things in black-or-white terms
- Rapidly switching between idealization and devaluation
- Inability to integrate positive and negative qualities in one person
- Frequent fluctuations in view of self and others
- “Love you”/”hate you” relationships
People who engage in splitting tend to categorize everything in extremes of all good or all bad, with no middle ground. This can lead to frequent reversals in thinking, with sudden shifts from idealizing someone to demonizing them. Relationships can be turbulent as a result.
What causes someone to utilize splitting?
There are a few potential causes or contributing factors for splitting:
- Inadequate integration of good and bad during childhood – Having caregivers who were inconsistent, unpredictable, or abusive can make it difficult for a child to integrate the nurturing and loving aspects of a caregiver with the rageful, neglectful, or cruel behaviors. The child copes by keeping each behavioral aspect separate.
- Inability to integrate opposites – Some individuals have a cognitive style that makes it difficult to see others as complex. They struggle to hold two contradictory views of someone in their mind at the same time.
- Borderline personality disorder – Splitting is a key defense mechanism for individuals with borderline personality disorder. Their fragile sense of self relies on sometimes seeing themselves as flawless to maintain self-esteem, then quickly flipping to seeing themselves as worthless after minor rejections.
- Trauma – Early childhood trauma can arrest development before a child learns to integrate good and bad. The child gets “stuck” in splitting to cope.
- Narcissistic injury – Narcissistic individuals may utilize splitting to protect against narcissistic injury, or threats to their self-esteem. Devaluation helps eliminate threats.
So in summary, inadequate integration of opposites during childhood is the root cause, while certain cognitive styles, personality disorders, trauma, and narcissistic injury can also contribute to ongoing splitting behavior.
What are some examples of splitting?
Here are some examples of how splitting commonly manifests:
- A wife idealizes her husband when he brings her flowers, believing he’s the most wonderful man in the world. When he criticizes her cooking, she devalues him as a worthless jerk.
- A man idolizes the woman he’s dating. After she cancels a date, he believes she’s evil, horrible, and deliberately trying to hurt him.
- After a minor disagreement with a friend, a woman believes the friendship is completely over and that her friend hates her now.
- A child thinks her teacher is the best teacher ever after getting a good grade, then believes her teacher is out to get her after being disciplined.
- A politician demonizes members of the opposing political party as stupid and evil, believing his own party members can do no wrong.
These examples illustrate the black-or-white thinking and rapid shifting between idealization and devaluation that characterizes splitting. Notice how minor events can trigger major reversals in thinking. The “all good” versus “all bad” view persists with little middle ground.
How does splitting show up in romantic relationships?
Splitting often emerges in romantic relationships in the following ways:
- A partner is idealized in the beginning of the relationship during the honeymoon phase, only to later be devalued and seen as the “worst person ever.”
- Frequent breakups and reunifications occur as the partner oscillates between being seen as wonderful or terrible.
- Minor imperfections in one’s partner are exaggerated and seen as major, relationship-ending flaws.
- A partner’s moods and behaviors get split into “good” or “bad” traits, with no ability to see the nuanced complexity of the whole person.
- There is no sense of constancy in feelings for one’s partner – they are either loved intensely or hated vehemently based on the moment.
Partners may feel emotionally exhausted from the constant ups and downs. They may be idealized one moment as the perfect partner but feel suddenly devalued and rejected over minor issues. The shifting perceptions, love-hate dynamic, and fragile sense of trust can doom relationships over time.
Is splitting common in borderline personality disorder?
Yes, splitting is one of the hallmark defense mechanisms seen in borderline personality disorder (BPD). Individuals with BPD have a fractured sense of self that relies heavily on external validation.
When their fragile self-image gets threatened, splitting kicks in to protect self-esteem. Good feelings toward a partner can flip to entirely bad within moments. Minor slights feel like massive rejections when a BPD partner engages in splitting.
This black-or-white view of others makes stable relationships difficult for those with BPD. Therapy to integrate good and bad object representations can help temper splitting over time. Medications may also assist with emotional and behavioral dysregulation that feeds splitting tendencies.
What are the effects of splitting?
Some potential effects of utilizing splitting as a defense mechanism include:
- Unstable relationships – Frequent shifts between idealization and devaluation strain bonds with others.
- Poor sense of identity – A shaky sense of self results from internalizing others’ negative appraisals during devaluation.
- Intense emotional swings – Extreme ups and downs occur as perceptions rapidly shift.
- Black-and-white thinking – Seeing in absolutes impairs judgment and decision making.
- Confusion and cynicism from others – Frequent reversals in views of others may damage credibility and trust.
- Self-esteem regulation issues – Self-image becomes dependent on others’ loving or loathing appraisals.
In essence, utilizing splitting makes it intensely difficult to accurately judge situations and interact healthily with others. A volatile sense of self and chronic relationship issues often occur without therapeutic intervention.
How can someone overcome splitting behavior?
There are some methods and techniques that may help overcome splitting over time:
- Psychotherapy – Working with a therapist to build self-awareness of splitting patterns and integrate good/bad object representations.
- Cognitive-behavioral approaches – Learning to recognize and reframe black-and-white thinking.
- Dialectical behavior therapy – Building distress tolerance skills for emotional regulation issues driving splitting.
- Mentalization techniques – Developing the ability to see others’ behaviors in light of underlying intentions and motivations.
- Mindfulness practices– Using meditation, yoga, and other tools to cultivate present moment awareness and allow integration.
- Medications – Prescription medications may help stabilize mood swings that contribute to splitting tendencies.
- Support groups – Peer support provides vital modeling of more balanced perspectives.
With consistent effort, splitting tendencies can be reduced over time. A combination of psychotherapy, mental health treatment, and self-work allows for healthier, more accurate views of self and others to take root.
Conclusion
In summary, splitting is a defense mechanism characterized by black-and-white thinking, intense oscillations of idealization and devaluation, and inability to integrate positive and negative qualities of people. Root causes include childhood attachment issues, cognitive style, trauma, and disorders like BPD and narcissism.
Though common in some psychiatric disorders, splitting can have destructive effects on relationships, emotional stability, and self-image in anyoneexcessively utilizing it. Psychological treatment and diligent self-work can help temper splitting tendencies. With effort and the right support, more balanced appraisals of self and others are possible.