An unhealthy friendship is a relationship that causes more harm than good. It is characterized by jealousy, competition, lack of trust, betrayal, and unresolved conflicts. While all friendships go through ups and downs, unhealthy ones remain that way without improving. Recognizing the signs of an unhealthy friendship can help you evaluate whether it’s worth continuing.
What are the signs of an unhealthy friendship?
There are several red flags that may indicate your friendship is unhealthy:
- One-sided relationship – The friendship only revolves around one person’s needs. There is no give and take.
- Feeling drained – You feel exhausted and emotionally drained after interacting with your friend.
- Lack of trust – You feel like you can’t confide in your friend without being judged or betrayed.
- Competition – Your friend constantly compares themselves to you or tries to one-up you.
- Jealousy and envy – Your friend gets jealous of your other friendships, relationships, or successes.
- Negative influence – Your friend pressures you to do things you normally wouldn’t and brings out the worst in you.
- Gossiping – Your friend constantly gossips about others, including you.
- Unresolved conflicts – Issues and disagreements never get resolved, and instead keep piling up.
What causes an unhealthy friendship?
There are several factors that can contribute to making a friendship go wrong:
- Differences in priorities and values – You and your friend want different things out of life or have opposing worldviews.
- Unhealthy competition – One or both friends feel the need to one-up, outdo, or undermine the other.
- Personality clashes – Certain personalities and temperaments just don’t mesh well, leading to friction.
- Jealousy and insecurity – Your friend feels threatened by your other friendships or accomplishments.
- Dishonesty – Lies, secrets, broken promises, or betrayals erode trust.
- Imbalance – One person does all the work to sustain the friendship while the other hardly contributes.
- Abusive behavior – Toxic friends may belittle, control, or emotionally manipulate you.
What are some examples of unhealthy friend behaviors?
Here are some common unhealthy friendship behaviors:
- Getting jealous or competitive when good things happen to you
- Talking behind your back or spreading rumors about you
- Breaking promises or betraying your trust
- Only being there for you when it’s convenient for them
- Criticizing you or putting you down
- Trying to control or manipulate you
- Pressuring you to do things you don’t want to do
- Playing the victim or blaming you for their problems
- Refusing to compromise or see your side during conflicts
- Invading your privacy or crossing boundaries
What are the consequences of an unhealthy friendship?
Unhealthy friendships can take a toll on your self-esteem and mental health. Potential consequences include:
- Lower self-confidence and self-worth
- Increased anxiety, stress, and depression
- Adopting unhealthy habits or behaviors
- Feeling sad, angry, resentful, or betrayed
- Loss of interest in socializing or trying to make new friends
- Isolation from other friends and family
- Poor academic or professional performance
- Questioning your own judgment, values, or self-perception
How can you fix an unhealthy friendship?
It may be possible to fix an unhealthy friendship if both people are willing to work at it. Some tips include:
- Have an honest conversation about how you both feel and identify issues
- Establish healthy boundaries and ground rules
- Agree to practice trust, honesty, and respect
- Commit to regular open communication and listening
- Seek counseling or therapy if major trust issues exist
- Spend time together in positive environments and activities
- Be willing to compromise and forgive past hurts
- Make quality time for the friendship, not just quantity
However, sometimes unhealthy friendships cannot or should not be salvaged, such as in cases of emotional abuse, toxicity, or recurring betrayal. Know when to walk away.
When is it time to let go of an unhealthy friendship?
It’s time to consider ending an unhealthy friendship if:
- Your friend repeatedly crosses major boundaries
- Efforts to communicate, compromise, and repair the friendship have failed
- Your self-esteem is constantly diminished in the friendship
- You dread or feel anxious about interacting with this friend
- The relationship is causing significant stress and unhappiness
- Your friend is actively hostile, abusive, or toxic
- The negativity overshadows any remaining good aspects
Trust your instincts – if a friendship leaves you feeling worse about yourself, it’s not healthy. At some point, you may have to decide to detach and prioritize your well-being.
How do you detach from an unhealthy friendship?
Detaching from an unhealthy friendship in a constructive way involves:
- Slowly pulling back instead of abruptly cutting off contact
- Spending more time with other friends and loved ones
- Avoiding sensitive topics that lead to fights
- Declining unnecessary invitations or requests
- Gradually communicating less often
- Letting the friendship naturally fade over time
If the friend asks what’s happening, be honest but kind in explaining the friendship no longer meets your needs or makes you feel good. A clean break is healthiest for moving on.
How can you avoid unhealthy friendships in the future?
Learn from experience to build healthier friendships going forward:
- Observe how new friends treat others
- Notice if they respect your boundaries
- Don’t ignore red flags or warning signs
- Don’t stay just to avoid conflict or guilt
- Surround yourself with positive influences
- Seek genuine friendships that uplift you
- Work on your own self-confidence and self-worth
- Take time getting to know people before deepening the friendship
Conclusion
An unhealthy friendship can take a lasting toll on your sense of self and ability to trust. But by identifying red flags, setting boundaries, and being selective, you can avoid repeating the dynamics that trap you in bad friendships. Invest your time and vulnerability only in supportive, mutually caring relationships that empower you to be your best self.