Ending a marriage can be extremely difficult, especially if one partner wants a divorce but the other does not. When couples face this situation, there are a few possible outcomes that may occur.
One partner can file for divorce unilaterally
In most states, if one spouse wants a divorce, they can file the paperwork to start the divorce process without the consent of the other spouse. The unwilling partner cannot stop the divorce from happening if their partner wants to end the marriage.
However, the unwilling spouse does have certain rights in this situation. They can contest issues like spousal support, child custody, and division of assets and debts. Just because one partner files for divorce does not mean they will automatically get whatever terms they want.
The unwilling spouse may be able to delay the divorce
Although an unwilling partner cannot stop a divorce entirely, they may be able to delay the process in some cases. For example:
- Contesting the grounds for divorce. In some states, the spouse filing must prove reasons or “grounds” for the divorce. The other spouse can challenge whether adequate grounds exist.
- Refusing to sign. In some states, both spouses must sign the divorce paperwork. Refusing to sign can drag things out.
- Not showing up. If one spouse dodges being served the divorce papers, it can stall the process.
- Asking for delays. The unwilling spouse can file motions asking the court for more time at various points in the process.
Drawing things out this way may give an unwilling spouse more time to change their partner’s mind, or to reach a settlement. But it won’t stop the divorce entirely in most cases.
Reconciliation is possible
An unwilling spouse may be able to convince their partner to call off the divorce. This happens most often early in the process, before animosity has built up. Reasons a divorce might be halted include:
- One partner has a change of heart.
- The couple tries marriage counseling.
- Issues leading to the divorce are addressed.
- The couple reaches a compromise.
However, once one spouse is set on divorce, getting them to reconsider is difficult. The spouse who wants divorce may resent pressure to stay married.
Mediation can help couples agree on divorce terms
When one partner wants divorce but the other does not, mediation can help the couple negotiate amicably. In mediation:
- A neutral third party (the mediator) helps facilitate discussion and compromise.
- The process is confidential and less adversarial than court.
- Both spouses must agree on settlement terms.
- Agreements reached are binding if they follow state guidelines.
Mediation allows the unwilling spouse to have a voice in the divorce process. Participation is voluntary though, and the unwilling spouse cannot be forced to mediate.
The court decides disputed divorce issues
If ex-partners cannot agree, the court will decide outstanding divorce issues like:
- Child custody and visitation rights
- Child support
- Alimony
- Division of property and debts
Courts strive to split marital assets equitably and make rulings in the best interest of any children. The unwilling spouse can advocate for their preferred outcomes.
However, there is no guarantee the court will rule as the unwilling spouse wishes. The judge will aim to be fair based on facts, not merely rule in favor of the spouse who wants to remain married.
An attorney can advise an unwilling spouse on rights
Having a skilled divorce attorney is crucial for an unwilling spouse. Legal counsel can:
- Explain state laws and process options.
- Suggest strategies to obtain the best possible terms.
- Provide experienced representation in mediation or court.
An attorney can also tell the unwilling spouse honestly if prolonging the divorce seems futile, or if settlement would be wiser. This clear-eyed advice helps clients make informed choices.
The unwilling spouse may have to pay support
Under divorce law, higher earning spouses often pay support to lower earning spouses. This aims to limit any unfair economic impacts of splitting up. Types of spousal support include:
- Alimony: Ongoing support paid for a set duration after divorce. Amount and length depends on factors like marriage length, incomes, and ages.
- Rehabilitative alimony: Temporary support to help cover education or training for an ex-spouse who gave up their career.
- Reimbursement alimony: Repayment for supporting the other spouse through school.
An unwilling high-income spouse may have to pay significant alimony. Refusing to divorce is not grounds for avoiding spousal support obligations.
Median duration of alimony
| Marriage Length | Median Alimony Duration |
|---|---|
| Less than 10 years | 3 years |
| 10 to 19 years | 6 years |
| 20+ years | 8 years |
Source: American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers (AAML)
Child custody factors do not include wanting divorce
For unwilling spouses with children, obtaining favorable custody terms may be a top priority. However, courts determine custody based on the child’s best interests. Factors judges consider include:
- Parent-child relationship and bonding
- Parenting abilities
- Mental and physical health
- Drug or alcohol abuse
- History of domestic violence
- Criminal history
- Child preference, if the child is older
Simply not wanting the divorce carries little weight in custody decisions. Unless evidence shows the unwilling parent is more fit, custody will likely be shared or based on the child’s needs.
Divorce may proceed despite religious objections
Some spouses may object to divorce due to religious beliefs about marriage. However, a judge cannot deny civil divorce merely because it goes against a spouse’s faith. Constitutional principles require separation of church and state.
A spouse cannot be compelled to violate religious tenets directly, like refusing to sign divorce papers. But the divorce can still proceed through the courts without their signature. The unwilling spouse cannot impose their religious values on their ex through the law.
Domestic violence can incentivize divorce
In some marriages, one spouse wants divorce to escape domestic abuse. Domestic violence includes:
- Physical abuse
- Sexual abuse
- Emotional or psychological abuse
- Verbal abuse
- Financial abuse
All states make domestic violence grounds for an at-fault divorce. Abuse issues may also motivate the court to award the abused spouse:
- Temporary exclusive use of a home
- Restraining order against the abuser
- Sole or primary custody of children
- Larger share of assets
- Increased alimony
If one partner does not want divorce due to control or fear, documenting abuse can help override their objections through the law.
The unwilling spouse may struggle more post-divorce
Research suggests the spouse who does not want divorce often struggles more with adjustment issues after splitting up. Potential problems include:
- Greater grief, depression, or shock
- More anger or bitterness towards ex
- Higher risk of mental health problems
- Greater financial hardship
- Higher rates of health decline
- More negative impact on social relationships
Counseling, exercise, social support, and healthy coping strategies can help the unwilling spouse move forward. But typically the road is rockier compared to the spouse who initiated divorce.
Conclusion
Ending a marriage against one partner’s wishes is painful but legally possible in most cases. The unwilling spouse can get professional advice and use legal options to improve terms. But outright stopping the divorce just because one spouse objects is difficult. With compromise and resilience, both partners can adapt to new single life in time.