Narcissism is a personality disorder characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, a lack of empathy, and a need for excessive attention and admiration. Narcissists typically have very fragile self-esteem and use various strategies to protect their grandiose ego. So what eventually happens to narcissists as they go through life?
Do narcissists ever realize they have a problem?
In many cases, narcissists are unwilling or unable to recognize their problematic behaviors. Their sense of entitlement, lack of self-awareness, and tendency to blame others make it difficult for them to see themselves accurately. However, some life events may force narcissists to confront their issues.
For example, experiencing a major failure or rejection can shatter a narcissist’s illusion of superiority. Getting fired from a job or being left by a romantic partner removes sources of narcissistic supply and may lead to feelings of inadequacy. Similarly, developing a major illness or experiencing a trauma can strip away a narcissist’s sense of invulnerability.
That said, even when faced with potentially ego-shattering events, many narcissists find ways to distort the situation to protect their grandiose self-image. They may become enraged and blame others for their misfortune. Or they may dissociate from the emotional impact and refuse to process the experience on a deeper level.
So while crises can present opportunities for growth, narcissists frequently resort to defense mechanisms that allow them to bypass true self-awareness. Their strongly held narcissistic worldview is difficult to dismantle.
Do narcissists mellow out as they get older?
There are differing views on whether narcissism diminishes with age. Some research indicates that certain narcissistic traits like exhibitionism, entitlement, and exploitation tend to decline over time. But other aspects like anger, hypersensitivity, and dissatisfaction persist.
Context may determine whether aging helps or exacerbates narcissism. Narcissists who achieve their professional or personal goals and maintain social admiration may be buffered from experiences that would force self-reflection. But narcissists facing loss of status, respect, health, or independence may react poorly.
In particular, aging may be challenging for narcissists who relied heavily on their physical attractiveness or intellectual superiority earlier in life. The loss of youth, beauty, and mental sharpness threatens their sense of specialness so they may respond with denial or self-deception.
Overall, aging alone does not necessarily mellow out narcissistic behaviors. Much depends on whether life events support or threaten a narcissist’s grandiose self-concept. Some narcissists can continue maladaptive behaviors well into old age.
What happens when a narcissist’s charm stops working?
Many narcissists are skilled at using charm, flattery, and self-promotion to get ahead socially and professionally. But over time, their manipulative behaviors tend to catch up with them.
Once people get to know narcissists, they become aware of their self-absorption and lack of sincerity. Superficial charm loses its luster. As a result, narcissists may have trouble sustaining long-term relationships or advancing professionally based on merit.
When their charm stops working, narcissists often resort to other strategies to get attention or feel powerful. For example, they may:
- Become aggressive and domineering
- Sulk, pout, or give the silent treatment
- Blame and criticize others
- Threaten lawsuits or retaliation
- Spread gossip and lies to ruin reputations
In essence, they reveal their true hostile colors once they can no longer get their needs met through superficial slick behavior. Overt aggression replaces shallow charm.
Do narcissists have happy and fulfilling lives?
Despite their grandiose and confident exterior, narcissists often lead emotionally shallow lives plagued by insecurity and dissatisfaction. There are several reasons for this:
- Narcissists have a fragmented sense of self – their personality and behaviors depend heavily on external validation rather than intrinsic interests or values.
- Hypersensitivity to criticism coupled with black-and-white thinking creates constant ups and downs in self-esteem and emotions.
- Fixation on status, power, beauty, or ambition leaves little energy left over for meaningful interests or relationships.
- Lack of empathy and exploitative behaviors impair their connections with others.
In many ways, the narcissist’s arrogance masks a brittle and empty self that cannot be fulfilled through superficial external pursuits. Their lifelong quest for glory, admiration, and envy ultimately provides fleeting satisfaction at best. Even achieving grandiose fantasies often leads to a post-triumph letdown once a new goal fails to present itself.
So while narcissists may seem confident and lofty on the outside, inside they battle constant feelings of boredom, emptiness, rage, shame, and dissatisfaction. Their discreet misery stands in stark contrast to their splendid image.
Do narcissists have lasting and fulfilling relationships?
Developing genuine intimacy and reciprocity in relationships poses challenges for narcissists. Specifically:
- Their sense of entitlement and belief in their own superiority makes it difficult to approach relationships as true equals.
- They tend to see people as sources of validation rather than multidimensional individuals with needs of their own.
- Their extreme need for adoration coupled with hypersensitivity to criticism creates a wildly unstable relationship dynamic of idealization and devaluation.
- They lack empathy and interest in understanding others’ perspectives.
- Their need for control, excitement, and constant stimulation often leads them to seek out multiple shallow affairs rather than a deeper long-term bond.
That said, some narcissists do establish long-term relationships, often by finding partners who feed their narcissistic supply needs through excessive praise and submissive behavior. But even these relationships remain limited in intimacy and mutual understanding. When narcissistic supply is threatened, the relationship turns volatile.
Ultimately, a narcissist’s unrelenting focus on themselves makes developing truly fulfilling, stable long-term bonds challenging. Theirfragile ego trumps any capability to move beyond self-absorption. For many, a string of failed relationships characterized by initial idolization followed by devaluation becomes a recurring life pattern.
Do narcissists consistently perform well at work and in other arenas?
On the surface, narcissists’ charm, confidence, and dominant behavior may help them achieve professional success early on. Many narcissists do reach positions of authority and influence.
However, over time their interpersonal issues, extreme need for validation, and abusive behaviors tend to catch up with them. Their pattern becomes clear:
- They start out as enthusiastic team players, pulling others in with their charisma.
- Once in charge, they take credit, crave the spotlight, and demand admiration and obedience.
- When challenged or questioned, they become abusive control freaks or rageful tyrants.
- Scandals, investigations, or angry subordinates eventually arise to topple them from power.
Rather than leading through wisdom and ethical influence, narcissists rule through threats, manipulation, and coercion. But even fear and dominance only work for so long before people rise up to check the narcissist’s power.
In the long-term, most narcissist leaders flame out spectacularly due to some scandal or mutiny incited by their own unethical behavior and mistreatment of underlings. Their thirst for control ultimately undermines their success.
What health problems are common as narcissists age?
Research indicates that long-term narcissism takes a toll on mental and physical health. Narcissists face a higher risk for several health problems as they age:
- Cardiovascular disease – Narcissism correlates with hypertension, coronary artery disease, and metabolic disorders. Narcissists’ volatile emotions, chronic anger, and extreme need for control likely elevate stress hormones that damage the heart and circulatory system over time.
- Addiction – Narcissists frequently abuse alcohol, drugs, sex, shopping, gambling, or food to numb their inner feelings of emptiness and enhance their fragile self-image. These addictive patterns become more entrenched over time.
- Diabetes and obesity – Narcissists tend to have less healthy lifestyle habits. Impulsivity, a sense of entitlement to overindulge, and use of food for emotional regulation contribute to higher rates of obesity and associated illnesses like Type 2 diabetes.
- Dementia – One study showed that narcissists are up to twice as likely to develop dementia later in life. Researchers hypothesized that diminished cognitive resilience from years of disconnection from others, lack of intellectual curiosity, and avoidance of introspection could contribute to dementia.
In essence, the narcissist’s all-consuming ego comes at the expense of the body. Their lack of balance, moderation, and self-care combined with the mental toll of their disorder threatens physical well-being over time.
Do narcissists mellow out in older age?
Again, aging alone does not necessarily diminish narcissistic behaviors or attitudes. Personality structures tend to solidify over time. And narcissists have powerful psychological defenses to avoid acknowledging weaknesses or changing their approach.
That said, some narcissists do mellow out to a degree in older age, typically for a few reasons:
- Diminished opportunities – With retirement, loss of renown, and shrinking social circles, older narcissists simply have fewer chances to engage in grandiose self-promotion or manipulative behavior.
- Goal satiation – After achieving certain long-sought-after goals or status symbols, the thrill fades, leaving a feeling of aimlessness and ennui. Some narcissists become less ambitious and domineering as a result.
- Need for community – After alienating family and friends, some aging narcissists make attempts to reconnect out of pragmatic need.
- Health issues – Declining physical abilities combined with health problems that bring mortality into awareness can soften narcissism’s hard edge.
That said, most narcissists maintain their worldview and behaviors as much as circumstances allow. They may simply become more resigned to their limitations. Rarely does true introspection or fundamental change occur.
Do narcissists regret their behavior on their deathbeds?
As they reach the end of life, few narcissists experience regret or remorse for the pain they caused others. Their defense mechanisms remain strong, allowing them to justify, forget, or rewrite history right up to their dying day. For example:
- They may completely omit any mention of people they abused, focusing solely on their own grandiose accomplishments and legacy.
- They may technically confess to wrongdoing but void the confession of meaning through excuses and qualifications.
- They may reconstruct history to cast themselves as the victim wronged by jealous inferiors out to get them.
- They may mentally devalue anyone who expressed pain or resentment toward them.
A lifetime of entitlement, ego protection, blame externalization, and refusal to take responsibility for harming others does not suddenly reverse at death’s door. Narcissists often remain emotionally disconnected from others right up until the end.
That said, a small minority may experience some flicker of remorse once their defenses are lowered by the reality of their impending mortality. away. But most go out much as they lived – with supreme self- centeredness and hubris.
Conclusion
Ultimately, narcissism is often a lifelong pattern that does not fundamentally change in most people. While narcissists may mellow out somewhat if life humbles them or their opportunities fade, their core traits and worldview remain rigidly self-centered. Absent major insight-promoting experiences, they risk living out their final days much as they did their early ones – with little self-awareness or growth past their own ego concerns.