Conflict is an inevitable part of life. As humans, we will inevitably have disagreements and clashes with others. However, as Christians, we are called to handle conflict in a godly manner. The Bible provides much wisdom on how to deal with conflict in a way that honors God and preserves relationships.
One key principle the Bible emphasizes is that sometimes it is wise to walk away from conflict. There are certain situations where escalating the conflict serves no productive purpose and only results in more damage. In these cases, walking away and refusing to engage can be the best course of action.
What does “turn the other cheek” mean?
One of the most famous teachings of Jesus regarding responding to conflict and offense is “turn the other cheek.” This phrase comes from Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount:
“You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also” (Matthew 5:38-39).
Turning the other cheek means not retaliating when provoked or offended. It involves absorbing insults and letting go of your rights or entitlement to get even. This principle applies whether one is responding to a physical blow, verbal assault, or any other affront.
Does turning the other cheek mean allowing abuse?
Some have misinterpreted turning the other cheek to mean allowing others to abuse or mistreat you without limits. However, Jesus is not saying we should never stand up against injustice, bullying, violence, or oppression. Turning the other cheek does not require submitting to brutality.
Rather, Jesus is teaching that when our ego or pride is hurt, we should not be quick to retaliate or seek vengeance. We should instead offer grace and absorb minor offenses. This aims to break the cycle of retaliation and prompt people to contemplate their actions. With extremely abusive situations, other action may be necessary, but the principle remains that we should not react in anger or try to “get even.”
When should you walk away from conflict?
Based on biblical principles, here are some situations when it may be wise to walk away from conflict:
When angry words are likely
The Bible cautions against angry outbursts and insults. “Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end” (Proverbs 29:11). When tensions are high and you sense a confrontation escalating, it may be best to walk away and revisit the issue once emotions have settled down. This can help avoid saying things you’ll regret.
When you’re tempted to gossip or slander
Engaging in a conflict sometimes leads us to gossip or slander in order to feel justified or garner support. The Bible forbids such speech. “Do not go about spreading slander among your people” (Leviticus 19:16). If continuing a conflict will tempt you to talk negatively about others behind their back, it’s better to disengage for the sake of your own integrity.
When your ego or pride is involved
Some conflicts persist simply because neither party wants to back down or apologize. When the tension is more about protecting your ego than addressing a real issue, the mature thing is to walk away rather than arguing out of stubbornness. “Fools find no pleasure in understanding but delight in airing their own opinions” (Proverbs 18:2).
When others want to quarrel
The Bible advises, “It is to one’s honor to avoid strife” (Proverbs 20:3). You have no obligation to engage with someone who wants to pick a fight or provoke an argument. As Proverbs says, “Casting pearls to pigs” is pointless and will only stir up more trouble (Matthew 7:6). Simply refusing to take the bait can be the wisest course.
When resolution seems impossible
Sometimes every attempt to resolve a conflict fails, and you reach an impasse. Continuing to bang your head against the wall may only leave both parties feeling bitter and damaged. There is a time to stop trying to make something work and walk away instead. As Ecclesiastes says, there is “a time to search and a time to give up” (Ecclesiastes 3:6).
When physical safety is at risk
If a confrontation becomes threatening or involves physical violence, get away from the situation immediately. “A prudent person foresees danger and takes precautions. The simpleton goes blindly on and suffers the consequences” (Proverbs 27:12). Do not stay in an unsafe environment.
Biblical examples of walking away from conflict
Scripture includes many stories of godly people avoiding unnecessary conflict by walking away:
Abraham and Lot
When Abraham and Lot’s herdsmen began quarreling over limited grazing land, Abraham decided to part ways with Lot rather than enter a dispute. “Let’s not have any quarreling between you and me,” Abraham said, “since we are close relatives” (Genesis 13:8-9). Abraham’s decision preserved their relationship and avoided hostility.
Isaac
When the jealous Philistines filled in Abraham’s wells, his son Isaac did not fight back but simply dug new wells in different places. “Isaac moved away…and encamped in the Valley of Gerar and settled there” (Genesis 26:17, 22). Isaac chose to remove himself from the conflict entirely.
David and Shimei
When Shimei angrily cursed David and threw stones at him, Abishai urged David to take revenge, but David refrained, saying, “Leave him alone; let him curse, for the Lord has told him to” (2 Samuel 16:11). David chose to absorb the insult and walk away rather than escalate the conflict.
Jesus
On numerous occasions, the religious leaders tried to trap Jesus with contentious questions or spark an argument. But Jesus often refused to engage. “Jesus made no reply, not even to a single charge…the high priest stood up and said, ‘Are you not going to answer?’ But Jesus remained silent” (Matthew 26:62-63). Jesus held his tongue rather than enter into futile debates.
How to walk away from conflict
When you have discerned it’s time to walk away from a conflict, here are some tips for disengaging gracefully:
Speak calmly and respectfully
If emotions are running high, take a few deep breaths first. Then explain as politely as possible that you don’t see the discussion being productive and you believe it’s best to table it for now. Say you hope to revisit the issue later in a calmer manner. “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1).
Make a gesture of goodwill
Part on a conciliatory note if possible. Affirm your desire for peace between you and any positive intentions on both sides. Perhaps share a kind word or gesture, or express your care for the other person. This can help prevent lasting resentment. “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone” (Romans 12:18).
Don’t make threats or ultimatums
Aggressive statements like “I won’t stand for this!” or threats of ending the relationship usually only inflame things. Disagreement does not have to spell the end of the relationship. Convey that you still care but simply feel further discussion right now is unproductive. Leave the door open.
Establish boundaries
If the other party refuses to drop the issue, you may need to enforce boundaries by ending the conversation, leaving the room, or not engaging in repeated calls/texts about the issue. Politely but firmly explain you feel the disagreement is best shelved for now. Then walk away.
Let go of what you can’t control
After you disengage from the conflict, avoid obsessing over what the other person thinks or says about you. You can’t control their reaction. “As far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone” (Romans 12:18). Having made the effort to exit gracefully, leave the rest between them and God.
What the Bible says about conflict resolution
The Bible acknowledges conflict is inevitable and offers principles for resolving disagreements in a constructive way. Walking away aims to temporarily defuse tension so resolution can come later.
Listen carefully
Seek to sincerely understand the other’s perspective. “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry” (James 1:19)
Speak truth in love
We are to speak honestly but with patience, humility and grace: “Speak the truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15). The right words at the right time can work wonders.
Prayerfully examine your own heart
Conflict often exposes our own sin or blindness. Prayer helps us understand our own faults. “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?” (Luke 6:41).
Be quick to forgive
Once the matter is resolved, we must be ready and willing to forgive: “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” (Colossians 3:13).
Seek mediators if needed
For issues that affect the church family, the Bible directs Christians to seek outside help: “If he will not listen, take one or two others along” (Matthew 18:16). Wise and impartial counsel can give perspective.
Conclusion
Conflict and disagreement are inevitable in our relationships. However, Scripture provides guidance on when it is wise to temporarily walk away from conflict vs. when to seek constructive engagement.
Proverbs tells us there is “a time for war and a time for peace” (Ecclesiastes 3:8). As followers of Christ, we are to pursue peace as much as it is up to us. This includes knowing when disengaging from a heated conflict prevents violence, avoids confusion, and ultimately creates space for resolution and reconciliation down the road. With prayer and discernment, we must judge when it is wise to turn our cheeks, hold our tongues, and walk away.