The phrase “holding him back” is often used to refer to something or someone that is preventing a person, usually a man, from reaching their full potential or achieving their goals. The “him” in the phrase refers to the man being held back, while the thing “holding him back” is the obstacle or barrier in his way.
Common Uses
Here are some common ways “holding him back” is used:
- Describing personal limitations or flaws that are preventing success – “His lack of confidence is really holding him back from asking for a promotion.”
- Referring to difficult circumstances or conditions – “Growing up in poverty really held him back from getting an education.”
- Talking about a relationship that is preventing growth – “His toxic girlfriend is just holding him back at this point.”
- Mentioning social discrimination or injustice – “Sadly, racism was holding him back from achieving his dreams.”
In these contexts, “holding back” implies there is something or someone actively impeding the person’s progress or suppressing their advancement in life.
Where Does the Phrase Come From?
The exact origins of the phrase “holding him back” are unclear, but it became widespread in the 20th century. Some key events and factors that likely influenced its popularity:
- The civil rights movement in America – Speaking out about systemic discrimination holding back Black citizens and other people of color.
- Second-wave feminism – Discussing patriarchal barriers holding women back from education, careers, independence, and equality.
- Research on poverty cycles, inequality of opportunity, and achievement gaps indicating societal obstacles holding people back based on economic status, race, gender, etc.
- The self-help movement – Concepts about inner limitations, fears, doubts, and beliefs holding someone back from reaching their potential.
Over time, “holding him back” emerged as a succinct way to describe the myriad factors and challenges that can impede someone’s growth and success in life.
Gendered Language
It’s worth noting the phrase specifically uses the pronoun “him” which points to how the concept of being “held back” has historically been applied more often to men. There are a few reasons for this:
- Men have traditionally been expected to fill breadwinner and provider roles, so barriers to their career/financial success are very visible.
- Women have faced extensive systemic discrimination in education, the workplace, finances, and more for centuries.
- Gender stereotypes that label men as more ambitious and competitive than women.
However, the phrase can certainly be applied regardless of gender. Obstacles and circumstances “holding her back” or “holding them back” are equally valid uses. The core idea of unfulfilled potential due to external forces applies across the board.
Common Things That “Hold People Back”
While each situation is unique, here are some of the most prevalent things that tend to “hold people back”:
Mental Barriers
- Self-doubt
- Fear of failure
- Perfectionism
- Negative self-talk
- Limited beliefs about what’s possible
- Feeling stuck in comfort zones
Environmental Factors
- Poverty
- Family dysfunction
- Poor education access/resources
- Social discrimination
- Lack of opportunity and access
- Disabilities or health issues
Relationships
- Abusive partners
- Overbearing or critical parents
- Toxic friendships
- Enabling behaviors from loved ones
- Peer pressure
Personal Traits
- Laziness
- Lack of initiative
- Fear of hard work
- Lack of focus and direction
- Poor self-discipline
- Bad habits and addictions
Overcoming What’s Holding You Back
If something is holding you back in life, here are some tips to help overcome it:
Identify the Root Causes
Reflect on what might be hindering your progress. Is it internal factors like self-limiting beliefs? External circumstances out of your control? Be honest with yourself about what’s really going on.
Shift Your Mindset
Adopt an empowering mindset oriented around growth, possibility, and your ability to affect change. Don’t allow yourself to remain stuck in limiting thoughts.
Make a Plan
Make a plan to start addressing the obstacles in your way with concrete solutions. Outline specific action steps you can take and set goals.
Find Support
Don’t try to overcome barriers alone. Enlist help from supportive friends, mentors, professionals, communities, or any resources that can help provide guidance, accountability, and assistance.
Keep Trying and Be Patient
Change takes time. You may fail or struggle along the way. Persist through setbacks and stick with your growth process. Success often waits on the other side of what’s holding you back if you keep at it.
Signs Someone is Being Held Back
How can you spot the signs that someone has a lot of unmet potential they are being prevented from fulfilling? Here are some indicators:
- Constant complaining or dwelling on obstacles
- Staying stuck in unfavorable life circumstances
- Underachieving relative to perceived talent and intelligence
- Unable to move forward with goals
- Frustration, stress, or depression
- Self-sabotaging behaviors
- Withdrawing from opportunities
- Isolation from supportive people
In a relationship context, signs your partner is being held back by the relationship include:
- Falling out of touch with their own interests and passions
- Dependence on you for needs like self-esteem, decision-making, finances, etc.
- Giving up on goals or dreams because of the relationship
- Feeling like they can’t be themselves fully in the relationship
- Walking on eggshells or fear of your disapproval
- You actively preventing them from pursuing opportunities
Any behaviors signaling someone is stuck, playing small, or afraid to reach for what they truly want likely indicate they feel held back in some way.
Helping Others Move Forward
If you want to help someone stuck feeling “held back” in life, here are some tips:
- Listen without judgment and offer empathy
- Help them identify patterns, obstacles, and root causes
- Encourage them to take small steps forward
- Provide practical help and accountability on plans
- Remind them of their strengths and capabilities
- Inspire belief in overcoming limitations
- Accept imperfection and focus on progress
With consistent support rooted in compassion and honesty, you can help others break through barriers holding them back to create the life they desire.
Conclusion
Being “held back” from reaching your full potential can be incredibly frustrating and disheartening. But it’s possible to overcome nearly any obstacle, whether that’s changing limiting beliefs, finding the courage to end toxic relationships, pursuing education to access opportunities, getting help with mental health, or any number of situations. With self-awareness, determination, and support, you can break through whatever is holding you back and live the fulfilling life you deserve.