A selfish person is someone who is primarily concerned with their own interests and benefits, sometimes to the detriment of others. There are several terms that may be used to describe a selfish individual, depending on the context and degree of their self-interest. Below we will explore some common phrases used to refer to selfishness and examine what exactly makes someone selfish.
Common Terms for Selfishness
Here are some frequent labels applied to selfish people:
Self-centered
A self-centered person thinks mainly or only of themselves and their own concerns. They prioritize their needs and desires above all else and have little consideration for how their behavior affects others. For example, a self-centered friend might talk only about themselves and never ask you any questions.
Self-absorbed
Similar to self-centered, being self-absorbed means caring excessively about one’s own feelings, interests, and needs. A self-absorbed person is wrapped up in their own world and own problems, to the point where they are oblivious to the needs of others.
Self-serving
Someone who is self-serving uses situations or interactions primarily to gain something for themselves, with little regard for other people. They pursue their own advantage above all else. A self-serving acts nice in order to get something they want.
Egotistical
An egotistical person has an exaggerated sense of self-importance and entitlement. They overestimate their own abilities, accomplishments, and worth compared to others. Egotistical people feel superior and expect constant praise and admiration.
Egocentric
Similar to egotistical, egocentric individuals view themselves and their own concerns as the center of everything. They struggle to see beyond their own perspective. An egocentric person won’t try to understand other people’s points of view.
Narcissistic
Narcissism is excessive interest in or admiration of oneself. Narcissists have grandiose views of themselves and their accomplishments, a deep need for admiration, and a lack of empathy. Their selfishness centers around validating and boosting their self-importance.
Greedy
A greedy person selfishly desires and pursues money, possessions, status, or power far beyond their needs. Their selfishness focuses on acquiring more and more, even at the expense of others. Greedy people can’t be satisfied.
Inconsiderate
An inconsiderate person shows thoughtless disregard for others by putting their own comfort and convenience above all else. They do what they want without concern for how it affects other people. For example, an inconsiderate neighbor might play loud music at 3am.
Self-righteous
Someone who is self-righteous is convinced of their own superior morality, to the point that they disregard others’ perspectives. They believe their views are right, ethical, and important, while being quick to judge and criticize anyone who disagrees.
Defining Selfishness
What exactly constitutes selfishness and makes someone selfish? There are a few key characteristics that underlie selfish attitudes and behaviors:
- Lack of consideration for others – A selfish person does not properly consider others’ needs, desires, or feelings before acting.
- Lack of empathy – They struggle to emotionally connect with and understand others’ experiences.
- Sense of entitlement – They feel deserving of certain rewards, recognition, or treatment based on an inflated sense of self-worth.
- Self-absorption – Their thoughts and concerns revolve almost exclusively around themselves.
- Egocentrism – They view the world through a lens of how things relate to and affect them.
- Personal gain prioritized over greater good – Selfish people put their own interests first, rather than what might help or benefit the overall community or group.
Ultimately, selfishness comes down to excessive self-interest and neglect of others’ well-being. The more someone displays these attitudes and patterns of behavior, the more accurate it is to describe them as selfish.
Why People Become Selfish
There are various reasons why an individual might develop selfish behaviors and mindsets:
Insecurity
People who feel insecure may become preoccupied with their own needs as a form of self-protection. Viewing the world through a lens of insecurity can understandably make someone focus inward.
Troubled background
Those who experienced trauma, abuse, adversity, or emotional neglect in childhood may have difficulty forming empathy and looking outside themselves. Past hurts can leave people defensive and distrusting.
Narcissistic personality
Narcissistic personality disorder is a clinical condition marked by extreme selfishness and self-obsession. This stems from biological factors and early childhood development.
Lack of accountability
Selfish people are often enabled by having surrounded themselves with people who don’t call out their behavior. Without accountability, selfish patterns can become habitual.
Over-competitiveness
Some selfishness stems from overly competitive mindsets left unchecked. The drive to succeed can morph into self-interest if not balanced with consideration and cooperation.
Ignorance
In some cases, people are selfish simply because they don’t realize the impact of their behavior. Education and feedback on how their actions affect others can enlighten them.
Self-preservation
When people’s basic needs aren’t being met or they don’t feel physically or emotionally safe, it’s understandable for them to go into ‘survival mode’ where they prioritize self-preservation over community.
Is Selfishness Always Bad?
Most of the time, selfishness carries negative connotations of greed, inconsideration, and self-absorption. However, some argue that a degree of healthy selfishness is important for well-being. Prioritizing self-care, giving yourself ‘me time’, pursuing your needs in balance with others’ are seen as positive, or at least neutral.
True toxicity seems to stem not from meeting one’s own needs, but doing so to the detriment and exploitation of others. Selfishness becomes clearly negative when it creates harm, takes away from the greater good, or subordinates the needs of the community to personal interests.
How to Deal with Selfish People
Having a selfish person in your life can be frustrating and challenging. Here are some tips for constructively handling selfish behaviors from loved ones, coworkers, etc:
- Lead by example – Model selfless conduct, consideration for others, and community-mindedness.
- Set expectations – Politely but firmly explain which behaviors you find inconsiderate or unacceptable.
- Speak up – Don’t enable selfish behaviors by quietly allowing them to continue unchallenged.
- Set boundaries – Make reasonable rules to protect yourself and your well-being when needed.
- Suggest counseling – For chronic selfishness, gently recommend therapy to uncover root causes.
- Limit exposure – You have the right to distance yourself from toxic behaviors when other options fail.
With sensitive confrontation, enforcing personal boundaries, and leading by compassionate example, you may help selfish people become more mindful, or at least convince them to behave respectfully around you.
The Antidote to Selfishness
While we can’t necessarily eliminate all selfishness from human behavior, society relies on a degree of unselfishness and greater community awareness to function healthily. We exhibit unselfishness when we:
- Show interest in others’ lives and well-being
- Go out of our way to help others
- Prioritize communal needs above our own
- Display empathy, compassion, and deep listening
- Act as stewards for the next generation
- Live sustainably to protect the environment
- Donate time or money to charity
- Volunteer to better our schools, neighborhoods, and civic life
Though it’s human nature to meet our own needs, we have the capacity to be so much more. At our best, humankind can lift up communities, build a just society, and leave the world better than we found it.
Conclusion
Selfishness comes in many forms, but broadly refers to excessive concern for one’s own interests, often at the expense of the greater good. While healthy self-care is important, true selfishness stems from lack of empathy, chronic self-absorption, egotism, and greed. Selfish behaviors can strain relationships and hurt communities if left unchecked. We must cultivate selflessness and deeper care for each other to create a more equitable, compassionate world. How will you uplift something bigger than yourself today?