What do you call a person who only uses you?

This is an interesting question that merits some reflection. When someone is in a relationship where they feel used or taken advantage of, it can be hurtful and damaging. Looking at the deeper reasons why some people behave this way can provide insight. Often, those who only take without giving back are struggling with their own issues of low self-worth or narcissism. With understanding and proper boundaries, it may be possible to have a healthier dynamic.

Table of Contents

Defining the User

What exactly constitutes a “user” in relationships? There are several behaviors that can characterize someone who takes more than they give:

They are self-focused and prioritize their own needs and desires without considering their partner.

They expect support, time and attention from their partner without reciprocating.
They take advantage of their partner’s kindness and resources.
They lack empathy and don’t seem to notice or care about their partner’s feelings or situation.

The relationship feels unbalanced, with the user reaping most of the benefits.

Essentially, the user views the relationship primarily as a means to fulfill their own goals and meet their own needs, without concern for mutuality or their partner’s well-being. It becomes more about what they can get than building something healthy together.

Common Types of Users

While users come in many forms, a few tend to be more common:

The Narcissist

Narcissists have an inflated sense of self-importance and feel entitled to special treatment. They crave endless admiration and validation. Relationships revolve around their needs, and partners are viewed as mere sources of supply. Narcissists think they are superior and can exploit and manipulate others with little remorse. They take much more than they give in relationships.

The Opportunist

Opportunists are skilled at spotting chances to advance their own interests. In relationships, they target partners who have resources, connections, money or status that could benefit them. They know how to charm and flatter to get what they want, then discard partners when they are no longer useful. The relationship is transactional rather than emotional.

The Emotional Vampire

This draining personality looks to others to continually prop them up and manage their emotions. They feel entitled to vent, dump their problems on you, and have you soothe and reassure them. But they won’t reciprocate and can’t handle your needs. You end up drained while they gain energy.

The User By Circumstance

In some cases, people become users due to their difficult circumstances. An unemployed partner may start slacking on chores or expenses. Someone with mental health or addiction issues may rely heavily on a partner for support. While understandable, it can still strain the relationship.

Why Do People Become Users?

There are some common reasons why people slip into user roles in relationships:

Low self-esteem – Those with poor self-image often exploit relationships to feel better about themselves and fill inner voids.

Learned narcissistic traits – Some adopt narcissistic traits due to childhood experiences where boundaries weren’t taught.
Lack of empathy – An inability to consider others’ feelings leads to more take than give.
Past relationship history – Bad examples can condition people to see relationships as transactional.

Mental health issues – Conditions like depression or borderline personality disorder can drive self-focus.
Substance abuse – Addictions commonly make people prioritize their habit over relationships.

With awareness and therapy, some users can adopt healthier mindsets and behaviors. But change only happens if they want it.

Recognizing You’re Being Used

Since users can be adept at manipulation, it may take time to realize your relationship is unbalanced. Here are some signs to reflect on:

Emotional signs	Practical signs
You feel drained and exhausted from the relationship. Your needs are ignored or criticized as excessive. You often feel unsatisfied after interacting. Your self-esteem has declined. You don’t feel respected.	The user defers responsibilities to you. They disregard your schedule and time constraints. They excessively turn to you for practical help and resources. Your efforts, time and advice go unreciprocated. You feel financially or physically used.

Reflect honestly on whether you’re doing all the emotional labor and heavy lifting while your needs go unmet. This imbalance enables the user behavior.

Impacts of Staying with a User

Remaining with a user can slowly degrade your sense of self and well-being:

You start to doubt your worth and feelings.
Your self-esteem plummets from criticism and disrespect.
Your mental health may suffer from continual stress.

You become emotionally drained trying to please them.
Resentment builds, tainting the relationship.
You can’t have authentic intimacy with a partner who doesn’t care.

Your needs don’t matter, causing a loss of self.
You forego other relationships and opportunities.

In the end, you lose yourself trying to please someone who is pleased only by self-gain. The relationship grows toxic over time.

Setting Boundaries with a User

If you hope to improve things, you must set firmer boundaries around how you are treated. Be prepared that users will resist, criticize, and guilt you for asserting needs, but stay resolute. Some boundaries include:

Limiting time spent together each week to reduce draining interactions.
Not being available at the user’s beck and call, but on your own terms.

Setting limits around financial or practical support you will provide.
Ending conversations that become too critical or hostile.
Prioritizing your own self-care and social circle so the user doesn’t become your sole focus.

Saying “no” and sticking to it when they make unreasonable demands.

Clarify that you will no longer tolerate imbalanced exchanges and need them to address their behaviors. If they are unwilling to change, you may have to move on.

When to Walk Away

As difficult as it can be, walking away may ultimately be the best option in some toxic relationships with users. Consider ending things if:

Your repeated attempts to set boundaries are ignored.
They continue to exploit and take advantage of you.
The relationship chronically damages your self-esteem.

Their behaviors escalate into emotional abuse.
Your mental health is deteriorating despite your efforts.
They resist getting professional help to become more caring.

They blame you as the problem and take no ownership.

At a certain point, you must prioritize your well-being, even if that means a relationship ends. Seek support through friends, family or professionals when leaving a user.

Avoiding Future User Relationships

Learning to spot and avoid potential users can prevent repeating the pattern:

Take it slowly in new relationships to better gauge a person’s intentions.
Beware of those who seem overly charming, flattering or interested early on – manipulation tactic.
Notice if they ask a lot of questions about you, but reveal little about themselves.

Watch for self-absorption and lack of empathy when you share vulnerabilities.
Don’t ignore red flags just because the person is attractive, fun or successful.
Reflect on your own self-worth – strong personal boundaries repel users.

Seek balance between hope and wariness when starting something new. Pay attention to any intuitions that make you question if someone is truly kindhearted.

Conclusion

When caught in an imbalanced relationship with a user, it can be challenging to realize what is occurring. We want to think the best of those we care for. However, continually giving to someone who only takes will inevitably deplete you. Listen to your feelings and instincts. Don’t be afraid to acknowledge when someone is using you and to take steps to protect yourself. With self-work, reflection and courage, you can move on to find greater happiness and mutuality in your relationships.