Physical intimacy is an important part of a healthy relationship for most couples. However, many couples struggle with a lack of physical closeness and intimacy in their relationship. There are a variety of potential causes for this issue.
Lack of Emotional Intimacy
One major cause of a lack of physical intimacy is a lack of emotional intimacy. Emotional intimacy involves feeling close to your partner, trusting them, communicating openly, being vulnerable, and sharing a deep bond. If the emotional connection in a relationship is lacking, it can be difficult to feel comfortable being physically intimate.
Some reasons emotional intimacy may be lacking include:
- Poor communication skills
- Unresolved conflicts or resentment
- Differing values or life goals
- Trust issues due to past hurts or betrayals
- Spending little quality time together
Partners who struggle to open up, be vulnerable, resolve issues, and connect on a deeper level will often experience a decline in physical affection and intimacy.
Relationship Problems
Ongoing relationship problems and conflict can also lead to a drop in physical intimacy. When couples are constantly fighting, feel distant, lack respect, or are unhappy in the relationship overall, it understandably affects their desire to be physically close.
Some common relationship problems that may cause a rift include:
- Poor communication
- Unresolved conflicts
- Financial stress
- Infidelity
- Different priorities
- Controlling or critical behaviors
- Lack of trust
It’s hard to feel excited about physical intimacy when you are arguing frequently, bottling up resentment, or experiencing major relationship issues. Working to resolve conflicts and improve the overall relationship dynamic is important.
Loss of Attraction
A loss of physical attraction between partners can also dampen intimacy. Attraction involves a mix of physical and emotional components. If you’ve stopped seeing your partner in a romantic light, it’s understandable that you would be less inclined to initiate physical touch and sex.
Some potential reasons for a loss of attraction include:
- Getting stuck in routines and roles of daily life
- A partner has stopped trying to look and feel attractive
- Weight gain or changes in fitness levels
- Boredom with the same sexual routines
- Feeling taken for granted
- Resentment has built up
- Spending little quality time together
Making an effort to reconnect emotionally, communicate desires, try new things together in and out of the bedroom, and rekindle fun and romance can help boost physical attraction.
Stress
High stress levels affect most areas of life, including physical intimacy. When you’re constantly stressed about work, family obligations, money issues, health problems, or other challenges, sex and intimacy often fall to the bottom of the priority list.
Plus, stress can induce hormonal and chemical changes in the body that negatively impact libido and sexual functioning. Things like adrenal fatigue, high cortisol, and insomnia may occur. Ongoing stress can drain energy levels as well.
Making time to manage and relieve stress through healthy habits is important. Partner support and understanding can also reduce relationship stress impacting intimacy.
Body Image Issues
Struggles with body image and self-esteem are another contributor to intimacy problems. If you feel ashamed of your body, shy away from nudity, or aren’t comfortable being touched, sexual activity will be difficult.
Causes of body image issues include:
- Weight changes
- Pregnancy/postpartum changes
- Physical scars or conditions
- Comparison to media ideals
- Eating disorders
- Genetics
- Aging
- Past negative comments
While therapy and self-love practices can help overcome body image struggles, partner reassurance is also important. Feeling desired and appreciated by your partner for who you are can boost comfort being intimate.
Medical or Physical Issues
Sometimes a medical, hormonal, or physical issue gets in the way of regular sex and intimacy. Health conditions affecting desire include:
- Erectile dysfunction or vaginal dryness
- Hormonal imbalances or changes
- Chronic pain conditions
- Medications lowering libido
- Thyroid disorders
- Depression and anxiety
- Neurological disorders
Seeing a doctor to identify and manage any underlying biological issues can often help significantly. Don’t ignore possible health aspects impacting intimacy.
Mismatched Sex Drives
Another common struggle couples face is mismatched libidos, where one partner desires sex much more frequently than the other. This imbalance can breed frustration, disappointment, and rejection that puts strain on the relationship.
Some reasons for mismatched sex drives include:
- Natural variations in sex drives
- Age differences between partners
- Physical or mental health issues
- Differing orientations
- Relationship problems
- Attraction levels
- Stress management
Working to identify the underlying causes and reaching compromises through open communication about needs and feelings is important for couples with mismatched libidos.
Priority Changes
As time goes on in a relationship, priorities often shift, which can de-emphasize intimacy. Common changing priorities leading to this include:
- The demands of parenthood
- Focusing energy on work or finances
- Caring for sick family members
- Children or others in the home disrupting privacy
- Distractions from technology and social media
- Exhaustion from other obligations
Making intimacy, fun, and one-on-one connection a priority again amidst life’s other demands can refresh a physical relationship. Date nights, scheduled sex, morning intimacy, and communicating needs are helpful.
Lack of Intimacy Knowledge
Finally, some couples simply lack education around intimacy, which can hamper a physical relationship. Areas where more knowledge could be useful include:
- Human sexuality and anatomy
- Awareness of what makes each partner feel desired
- Comfort talking about intimacy needs
- Knowledge of sexual techniques and foreplay
- Understanding consent, safety, and healthy sexual norms
Reading books about intimacy together, attending workshops or seminars, and practicing vulnerability around desires can fill in intimacy knowledge gaps.
Conclusion
Assessing the specific reasons for lack of closeness in a relationship is the first step to improving physical intimacy. Addressing any emotional barriers, relationship problems, attraction levels, stress, self-esteem issues, health factors, drive differences, priority conflicts, or knowledge gaps that apply can get a couple back on track. With understanding, effort, compromise and professional support as needed, physical intimacy challenges can often be overcome.