Relationships take work, commitment, and a willingness to grow together in order to thrive. However, even the healthiest relationships can encounter issues that test their strength. When problems are left unaddressed or expectations aren’t met, relationships can begin to fracture and break. Understanding common causes of relationship dissolution can help identify areas to nurture and improve.
Loss of intimacy
Physical and emotional intimacy provide the glue that holds a relationship together. When intimacy fades, the bond weakens. Lack of sex and affection often signals deeper issues.
Why it happens
– Boredom and taking each other for granted
– Stress, exhaustion, or health issues
– Poor communication and unchecked resentment
– Mismatched sex drives and interests
– Attention focused elsewhere (work, kids, screens)
Overcoming it
– Set aside regular time for emotional and physical reconnection
– Address relationship concerns directly through open communication
– Seek professional help for individual or couples therapy
– Make sex and intimacy a priority again
– Flirt, compliment, and appreciate each other daily
Betrayal of trust
Trust allows vulnerability and establishes security in a relationship. Betraying trust through dishonesty, secrecy, or infidelity often irreparably damages the foundation of a relationship.
Why it happens
– Boredom, curiosity, or opportunity
– Feeling neglected or insecure in the relationship
– Normalization of harmless interactions evolving into emotional or physical affairs
– Unresolved individual resentment or past hurts
– Addictive behaviors or compulsions
Overcoming it
– Seek counseling to understand root causes and rebuild trust
– Establish clear boundaries and expectations moving forward
– Improve communication and listen without judgment
– Demonstrate accountability through transparency and checking in
– Block or avoid tempting situations or companions
Unresolved conflicts
All couples argue, but letting conflicts fester erodes the relationship over time. Partners start to associate the relationship with negativity rather than support.
Why it happens
– Poor communication and conflict resolution skills
– Unable or unwilling to compromise
– Avoidance of difficult conversations
– Built up resentment over past issues
– Partners unwilling to accept responsibility
Overcoming it
– Learn and practice healthy conflict resolution techniques
– Discuss issues calmly at the time they occur
– Compromise and apologize sincerely
– Seek mediation or counseling if needed
– Validate partner’s perspective and feelings
Financial problems
Money is frequently cited as a major source of relationship conflict. Financial infidelity, debt, or disputes over spending can strain the relationship.
Why it happens
– Poor money management skills or shopping habits
– Lack of transparency around finances
– Different values or priorities
– Unexpected crisis or expense
– Income disparity breeding resentment
Overcoming it
– Communicate openly and budget together
– Compromise on financial priorities and spending
– Consult a financial advisor or counselor
– Agree on money rules and boundaries
– Check in regularly on shared money goals
Loss of respect
It’s impossible to sustain love without respect. Demeaning comments, criticism, and contempt erode the mutual regard partners should share.
Why it happens
– Resentment building up over unresolved issues
– Personality clashes and power struggles
– One partner prioritizing self over relationship
– Controlling or abusive behaviors
– Infidelity or deceit damages trust
Overcoming it
– Address and resolve underlying relationship issues
– Attend counseling to learn new dynamics
– Make effort to see positives in your partner
– Communicate without contempt or criticism
– Explore roots of dismissive, critical, or controlling behaviors
Disharmony in values or lifestyles
Partners don’t need to share all the same interests, but core values and lifestyle preferences should align. Over time, differences can push couples in incompatible directions.
Why it happens
– People evolve and change as individuals
– Differing ideas on children, religion, politics
– Wanting different things out of life
– Realizing your lives are headed in different directions
– Mental health issues or addictions emerge
Overcoming it
– Discuss values and visions for the kind of life you want
– Find shared interests and activities you both enjoy
– Accept and embrace differences that complement you
– Compromise when you disagree without judgment
– If growing apart, ask if the relationship still satisfies
Emotional immaturity
Relationships require mutual understanding, compromise, and emotional control. When one partner remains emotionally immature, tensions magnify.
Why it happens
– Personality disorders or childhood trauma
– Unwilling to acknowledge their role in issues
– Expect partner to meet their needs without reciprocity
– Blaming, defensive, reactive when upset
– Unwilling to communicate or take accountability
Overcoming it
– Therapy to increase self-awareness and emotional skills
– Read relationship books and learn techniques together
– Take ownership and apologize after overreactions
– Validate partner’s feelings and seek compromise
– Remain calm and set boundaries around behaviors
Neglect of the relationship
When partners take each other for granted and stop investing time, the relationship deteriorates. Lack of effort demonstrates lack of care.
Why it happens
– Assuming your partner will always be there no matter what
– Prioritizing other aspects of life like work, children, friends
– Losing appreciation for what you have
– Getting stuck in routines and forgetting to spend quality time
– Failure to nurture the romantic and passionate side
Overcoming it
– Schedule regular date nights and one-on-one time
– Try new activities to spark excitement
– Plan romantic getaways and trips together
– Give your full attention when together without distractions
– Verbalize appreciation for your partner
Unmet needs
Partners have emotional needs like affection, attention, support, etc. When these go unfulfilled for long periods, relationships unravel.
Why it happens
– Poor communication of needs
– Assuming your partner should know what you need
– Partners unable or unwilling to meet each other’s needs
– Conflicting needs or expectations
– Resentment builds around unmet needs
Overcoming it
– Honestly communicate your core emotional needs
– Listen and try to provide what your partner asks for
– Acknowledge your own limitations and seek third-party support
– Readjust expectations around needs that can’t be met
– Express appreciation when your partner meets your needs
Dishonesty
Even small lies break trust in relationships. Partners lie to avoid conflict, embarrassment, or discomfort. But dishonesty deprives the other person of truth, undermining the relationship.
Why it happens
– Avoiding fights or judgment
– Hiding faults, mistakes, or bad habits
– Covering up issues like financial trouble or adultery
– Communication problems make lying seem easier
– Childhood patterns of lying carry into adulthood
Overcoming it
– Understand why you lie and replace it with honesty
– Apologize and explain why you lied
– Answer questions to help rebuild broken trust
– Proactively share more information without omissions
– Improve communication skills for difficult talks
Unhealthy dependencies
Relying exclusively on a partner for identity, validation, or fulfillment burdens the relationship. Partners shouldn’t look to each other to fix or provide for fundamental emotional needs.
Why it happens
– Low self-esteem or lack of strong sense of self
– history of enmeshment or childhood emotional neglect
– Isolating from other support networks
– Looking for self-worth externally vs internally
– Using the relationship to avoid personal growth
Overcoming it
– Build your own identity, confidence, friendships, and purpose
– Take responsibility for your own happiness and fulfillment
– Ask for support without demanding or clinging
– Nurture interdependence balanced with independence
– Do activities separately that build self-esteem
Diverging paths in life
As people grow and change, partners may simply grow apart, no longer wanting the same things in life. Diverging values and goals strain relationships.
Why it happens
– Getting married young before fully realizing who you are
– Major life events like finishing school, military service, having kids
– Midlife crises prompt reevaluation of priorities
– Evolving political or religious views
– Outgrowing the relationship or each other
Overcoming it
– Regularly communicate your evolving needs, values, interests
– Make effort to participate in each other’s interests
– Compromise and allow each person space to change
– Check if core needs are still met despite differences
– Ask if romantic love still exists or time to let go
Boredom and loss of passion
As the exciting honeymoon period ends, boredom can set in. Partners take each other for granted, stop having fun, and forget the passion that brought them together.
Why it happens
– Loss of novelty after the initial infatuation fades
– Getting stuck in routines without variety
– Not making effort to try new things together
– Prioritizing other responsibilities over the relationship
– Poor communication leads to emotional distance
Overcoming it
– Make regular time for novel, fun activities together
– Go on romantic, adventurous dates; don’t get stuck in a rut
– Flirt, surprise each other, and reinvoke early excitement
– Address issues directly before emotional distance widens
– Don’t take your partner for granted; keep courting
Substance abuse and addictions
When a partner abuses drugs, alcohol, gambling, or other addictions, it undermines relationships. Mood swings, unreliability, arguing, and distrust result.
Why it happens
– Genetics and family history of addiction
– Undiagnosed or unresolved mental illness
– Unhealthy coping mechanisms for stress and trauma
– Initially using substance socially before physical dependence
– Enabling behaviors prevent earlier intervention
Overcoming it
– Professional treatment program for the addicted partner
– Relationship counseling to rebuild trust and communication
– Attend support groups like Al-Anon or private therapy
– Set boundaries and withhold enabling
– Prioritize self-care and know when to walk away
Physical or emotional abuse
Abuse in any form—verbal, emotional, physical, sexual—undermines the safety, respect, and care essential for healthy relationships.
Why it happens
– Childhood trauma cycles into destructive behavioral patterns
– Struggles with unmanaged mental illness
– Attempts to control or exert power due to low self-esteem
– Poor conflict resolution and anger management skills
– Cultural or social norms condoning abusive behaviors
Overcoming it
– Abusive partners should seek professional counseling and rehabilitation programs focusing on the root causes of abuse, anger issues, and developing empathy. However, the abused partner should not stay in hopes the abuser will change. Their responsibility is to get safe and get help immediately.
Infidelity
Cheating shatters trust, often irreparably. It signals something fundamentally missing in the relationship that the straying partner is seeking externally.
Why it happens
– Boredom, curiosity, or dissatisfaction
– Feelings of neglect or loneliness in the relationship
– Retaliation for perceived failings of the other partner
– Opportunity, sexual attraction, or addiction
– Unresolved individual or relationship issues
Overcoming it
– The unfaithful partner must take responsibility and understand the root causes that led to cheating. Couples counseling facilitates this exploration and rebuilding trust.
– The betrayed partner needs to process emotions, ask questions, and set boundaries to regain security.
– Both partners must recommit and do the hard work to reconstruct the relationship on a new foundation of honesty and renewed appreciation.
Constant conflict
Frequent arguing leads both partners to see the relationship itself as combative, hostile, and a source of distress rather than comfort.
Why it happens
– Fundamental personality clashes resulting in contempt
– Destructive conflict resolution patterns taking hold
– Neither partner backs down leading to resentment
– Built-up hostility from past issues never addressed
– Neither partner feels heard, understood, or respected
Overcoming it
– Learn conflict de-escalation skills like active listening, empathy, and compromise
– Pick your battles; let small things go
– Resolve one issue before tackling another
– Take breaks from heated arguments to calm down
– Identify core incompatibilities honestly
Lack of shared vision
Successful long-term relationships require a joint view of the future you’re building. Divergent visions cause couples to clash and drift.
Why it happens
– Different preferences on having children or not
– Conflicting religious, political, or social views
– Wanting to live different lifestyles or in different locations
– Changing priorities over time as individuals evolve
– Discussions of the future only happen in the abstract
Overcoming it
– Clearly articulate your visions for the future regarding family, location, careers, lifestyle. Look for common ground.
– Make decisions thoughtfully after extensive two-way discussions.
– Establish shared goals and plans. Revisit them periodically.
– Accept that some differences may not be reconcilable.
– Compromise where possible so both feel honored.
Mental health issues
When depression, anxiety, trauma, personality disorders, or other mental health issues impact one partner, relationships suffer without proper treatment.
Why it happens
– Brain chemistry imbalances underlying conditions
– Unresolved trauma or neglect during childhood
– Operating from irrational thoughts or harmful patterns
– Using unhealthy coping mechanisms
– Lack of access to psychological help
Overcoming it
– The partner with mental health struggles must acknowledge the issues and pursue professional treatment, whether counseling, medication, or likely both.
– The other partner should educate themselves on the disorder and provide loving support to aid recovery.
– Couples counseling helps facilitate healthy dynamics as the issues are managed.
Incompatibility
Despite caring for each other, some partners ultimately have irresolvable differences in personality, values, or goals that make maintaining a loving relationship impossible long-term.
Why it happens
– Differences stronger than similarities
– Wanting fundamentally different things in life
– Clashing personality traits and worldviews
– Neither willing or able to compromise core needs
– Toxic dynamic where you bring out the worst in each other
Overcoming it
– In some cases, there is no overcoming core incompatibilities. After earnest efforts to understand each other, go to counseling, read books, etc. you may have to acknowledge you are better apart.
– Letting go of a relationship that turned toxic, despite love, takes courage and wisdom but can be the healthiest choice.
– Take time to grieve then look for a more compatible partner.
Conclusion
Even wonderful relationships hit snags sometimes. Early intervention when issues first appear gives the best chance for couples to get back on track. Address problems directly, humbly, and gently with your partner before resentment builds. Seek help from books, counseling, or other couples. Prioritize reconnecting emotionally and physically. With mutual care, patience, and effort, many relationships can recover as long as both partners want to heal together.