As an only child, choosing a spouse can be tricky. Only children are often accustomed to receiving undivided attention from their parents and can be used to “getting their way.” When it comes to marriage, who you choose as a partner is one of the most important decisions you’ll make in life. Some experts believe that by considering the birth order of a potential spouse, only children can find a more compatible match.
The Characteristics of an Only Child
Only children have a unique set of personality traits that stem from being raised without siblings. Here are some of the most common characteristics of adult only children:
- Accustomed to being the center of attention
- Not used to sharing or competing for parental attention
- Mature for their age from spending time mainly with adults
- Responsible and achievement-oriented
- Independent and comfortable with being alone
- Perfectionistic with high standards for themselves and others
- Opinionated and unwilling to compromise
- Financially savvy and careful with money
- Have difficulty dealing with criticism
- Strong interpersonal skills from interacting extensively with adults
While characteristics vary between individuals, many only children tend to be responsible high-achievers who are independent and accustomed to being in charge.
Birth Order Theory
Birth order theory suggests that the order in which a child is born profoundly shapes their personality. Firstborns tend to be leaders, perfectionists, and people-pleasers, while later-borns are more rebellious, creative, and charming.
Here’s a quick overview of common birth order personality traits:
Firstborns
- Natural leaders
- Reliable and responsible
- Strives to excel and please others
- Cautious and slow to embrace change
- Enjoy being in charge
- Critical and quick to find fault
Middle Children
- Good negotiators and compromisers
- Avoids conflict
- Feels the need to distinguish themselves
- Sociable and empathetic
- Has a difficult time taking sides
Youngest Children
- Charming, creative and entertaining
- Outgoing, social and verbal
- Seeks attention
- Accustomed to being taken care of
- Manipulative to get what they want
- Shows little regard for status or achievement
Only Children
- Mature for their age
- Responsible and organized
- High-achievers with perfectionist tendencies
- Independent but enjoy being the center of attention
- Opinionated and accustomed to getting their way
- Financially savvy
While individual personalities vary, the order of your birth does influence your perspective and behavior. Understanding these typical birth order traits can provide useful insight when evaluating relationship compatibility.
What Birth Orders Complement Each Other?
Research shows that some birth order combinations naturally get along better than others in relationships and marriage. Here are some potentially compatible birth order matches and why they work:
Firstborn + Youngest
Firstborns often act as leaders and enjoy feeling needed. Youngests thrive with direction and are happy to be taken care of. The natural dynamic between these two birth orders can create a mutually fulfilling relationship.
Firstborn + Only Child
Firstborns and only children are both responsible, driven, and goal-oriented. Their mutual desire for achievement can allow them to work as partners in accomplishing their objectives.
Middle Child + Youngest
Middle children are skilled at compromising while youngests seek attention. Their needs complement each other. The middle child’s negotiating skills help ensure the youngest feels heard.
Only Child + Middle Child
The middle child’s social nature helps the only child feel special and at the center of attention. Meanwhile, the only child’s decisiveness gives direction to the more flexible middle child.
| Birth Order Compatibilities | Why They Often Work Well Together |
|---|---|
| Firstborn + Youngest | Firstborn enjoys leadership role, Youngest likes support |
| Firstborn + Only Child | Shared desire for achievement and responsibility |
| Middle Child + Youngest | Middle skilled at compromise, Youngest seeks attention |
| Only Child + Middle Child | Only feels special, Middle gains direction |
What About Least Compatible Birth Order Matches?
While some birth order pairings seem naturally compatible, others often experience more relationship struggles and require more compromise to succeed. Here are a few matches that may require more effort:
Two Firstborns
When two firstborns enter a relationship, power struggles can emerge over who gets to be in charge. With their perfectionist tendencies, firstborns may also criticize each other frequently. For two firstborns to succeed, they must learn to take turns leading and being open to change.
Firstborn + Only Child
While firstborn and only child matches can do well, they may also clash over control issues. With both accustomed to undivided attention and getting their own way, relationships require compromise. If unable to share power, conflicts will quickly arise.
Two Middle Children
When two middle children pair up, problems can emerge over indecisiveness. With both disliking conflict and lacking strong opinions, important decisions may never get made. Middle child pairs must be willing to take a stand to avoid stalemates.
Youngest + Youngest
Two youngests together may become overly dependent on each other for attention and direction. With neither wanting responsibility, chaos can result. For success they must push each other to show initiative and leadership.
| Least Compatible Birth Order Matches | Potential Issues |
|---|---|
| Two Firstborns | Power struggles, unwilling to compromise |
| Firstborn + Only Child | Clashes over control, unwilling to share attention |
| Two Middle Children | Indecisiveness, avoid conflict |
| Youngest + Youngest | Lack initiative and responsibility |
Tips for Only Children Choosing a Spouse
While your personalities will be the ultimate determinant of relationship success, considering potential birth order compatibility can help provide useful insight. Here are some tips for only children:
- Avoid partners who always need to be right – Only children are accustomed to getting their way and having the final word. Butted heads will result if your spouse also insists on total control.
- Don’t let bossiness ruin relationships – Only children often have a take-charge attitude. Be aware this can come across as bossy and irritating to some partners.
- Find someone open to change – With your perfectionism, you may be rigid about certain things. Seek a partner flexible enough to try new approaches.
- Choose a partner willing to share the spotlight – You likely enjoy being the center of attention. Make sure your spouse doesn’t always need to dominate.
- Find someone social – Because you grew up mainly interacting with adults, a gregarious partner can help pull you out of your shell.
- Consider a middle or youngest child – Their natural compatibility with only children may lead to less conflict.
The most important factor is how you connect with and feel about your partner’s personality. But evaluating birth order compatibility can provide additional helpful perspective.
The Importance of Compromise
Regardless of your respective birth orders, keep in mind that any relationship requires mutual understanding and compromise. Here are some keys to success:
- Communicate openly and honestly – Share your feelings and perspectives to gain mutual understanding.
- Embrace each other’s differences – Varied personalities and quirks make relationships more interesting.
- Take turns leading and following – Both partners should get opportunities to make decisions.
- Compromise when needed – Be willing to meet each other halfway on disagreements.
- Share responsibilities fairly – Make sure one partner doesn’t get saddled with everything.
- Work as a team – Approach issues as “us vs. the problem” rather than one person vs. the other.
With openness, empathy and a shared commitment to mutuality, any two partners can create a loving and lasting relationship.
Conclusion
For only children seeking a spouse, considering birth order compatibility can provide useful insight. While open communication, compromise and maturity determine relationship success more than birth order, understanding these innate personality differences can help reveal areas of potential harmony or discord.
Seeking a partner whose natural preferences complement rather than conflict with your own may help you find improved marital compatibility. But the most important factor is how you connect with each other’s unique spirit. With mutual understanding and a shared commitment to growth, any two partners can forge a deep and lasting love, regardless of their birth order.