Being yelled at can be an unpleasant and stressful experience for anyone. It often leaves the person feeling upset, angry, anxious or depressed. Yelling triggers the body’s ‘fight or flight’ response, releasing stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. Over time, being frequently yelled at can negatively impact both physical and mental health.
What happens in your body when you’re yelled at?
Here’s a quick overview of how your body reacts:
Increased heart rate: Your heart starts pumping faster to circulate blood more quickly. This helps prepare you to either fight or flee.
Rise in blood pressure: Your blood pressure rises as your heart works harder. This too aids with the fight or flight response.
More rapid breathing: You’ll begin taking quick, shallow breaths as your body takes in extra oxygen. This provides an energy boost.
Release of stress hormones: Adrenaline, cortisol and norepinephrine get released from adrenal glands. This readies your body to react with speed and strength.
Activation of ‘fight or flight’ response: Yelling triggers your body’s primal survival mechanism. You instinctively prepare to either confront the yeller (fight) or avoid the situation (flight).
So in summary, being yelled at kickstarts a cascade of physical changes oriented towards dealing with threat. Your body goes into high alert to mobilize its resources.
How does being yelled at make you feel emotionally?
The most common emotional responses to being shouted at include:
- Anger at the yeller for subjecting you to this hostile treatment.
- Humiliation or embarrassment, especially if yelled at in front of others.
- Fear or anxiety due to the threatening nature of yelling.
- Resentment at being unjustly yelled at.
- Sadness or hurt from someone close breaching your trust.
- Confusion about why the person is yelling.
- Helplessness to defend yourself from verbal attacks.
The intensity of emotions depends on factors like your relationship with the yeller, setting of the incident, past history, personality factors, and more. But most people encounter an unpleasant mix of negative emotions.
What are the psychological effects of being frequently yelled at?
If yelling happens regularly, it can take a toll on your mental health in the following ways:
1. Increased anxiety and stress
Constantly being on the receiving end of yelling keeps your body in a near-constant state of stress. Over time, heightened stress hormones can develop into anxiety disorders, depression, and other mental health issues.
2. Lower self-esteem
Being repeatedly criticized and shouted at makes you feel bad about yourself. Over time your self-confidence erodes, you struggle with self-doubt, and feel incapable of doing things right.
3. Diminished self-worth
Yelling communicates that the yeller has little respect for you. You internalize this disrespect and start believing you don’t deserve fairness, respect or dignity.
4. Impaired concentration and productivity
Stress impairs functions like memory and focus. When you’re being regularly yelled at, you struggle to pay attention or think clearly at school or work.
5. Behavioral problems
Children who are often shouted at can develop problems like defiant behavior, vandalism, excessive risk-taking, bullying, and substance abuse.
6. Relationship issues
Yelling destroys trust which can badly damage personal and professional relationships. Victims become afraid to communicate openly.
What are the physical effects of chronic yelling?
Here are some of the common physical effects of being regularly yelled at over time:
- Digestive issues like chronic heartburn, diarrhoea, constipation etc
- Disrupted sleep and resultant fatigue/lethargy
- Headaches like migraines and tension headaches
- Elevated risk for heart disease and heart attacks
- High blood pressure
- Weakened immunity leaving you prone to illnesses
- Changes in appetite and weight
- Skin problems like rashes, acne, and eczema
In children, frequent yelling can impair brain development and affect functioning of their hormonal and immune systems. Overall, chronic yelling leads to poor health outcomes in the long run.
Why do people yell at others?
There are many reasons why someone may habitually yell at others, including:
- Learned behavior: They grew up in households where yelling was common.
- Inability to control anger: They struggle with impulsively lashing out.
- Feeling inadequate: Belittling others provides a false sense of power.
- Lack of communication skills: They don’t know how to express themselves respectfully.
- External stresses: Frustrations unrelated to the victim, e.g. work stress.
- Psychological issues: Mental health conditions or personality disorders.
- Ignorance: They are unaware yelling is harmful.
Regardless of the reasons, there are always healthier alternatives than yelling. Understanding why someone is yelling can provide insight into how to mitigate it. But it does not excuse abusive behavior.
How to deal with being yelled at by your parents or family members
Being shouted at by parents or siblings can be intensely hurtful. Here are some tips for coping with it:
- Don’t absorb hurtful words: What they say during yelling stems from anger. Don’t accept it as truth.
- Walk away temporarily: Remove yourself until your family member calms down. There’s no point in reasoning during rage.
- Share your feelings: Later when things are calm, express how their yelling affects you and ask for change.
- Seek counseling: Family therapy can teach people to communicate without emotional abuse.
- Limit time together: If issues persist, limit interactions to prevent yelling episodes.
- Confide in trusted friends and relatives: Turn to positive people who treat you with respect.
- Plan your exit: In extreme cases with no signs of change, make plans to move out when old enough.
Remember, you deserve to feel safe and respected within your family. Seek support from outside if it’s lacking at home.
What to do if you’re yelled at by your boss or supervisor
Maintain your calm if shouted at by superiors:
- Listen quietly: Hear them out without interrupting.
- Acknowledge their view: Let them know you understand their position.
- Apologize if warranted: If you’re in the wrong, sincerely apologize.
- Diffuse the situation: Redirect the discussion to solutions.
- Set up later time to discuss: Schedule a cool-headed discussion on the issue.
- Report very abusive behavior: If yelling continues despite best efforts, report to Human Resources.
- Evaluate your options: In extreme cases, consider transfer or new job prospects.
The goal is to remain professional and re-direct anger rather than reacting defensively. However, you don’t have to tolerate verbal abuse at the workplace beyond a point.
How being yelled at is harmful to children
Children are especially vulnerable to the stressful effects of yelling. It can harm a child’s development in the following key ways:
1. Impaired brain development – Stress hormones released when yelled at affects developing neural pathways. This disrupts healthy cognitive development.
2. Difficulty learning – Chronic yelling impairs concentration, memory and learning. Kids struggle academically and lag behind peers.
3. Behavioral problems – Children become defiant, aggressive, or withdraw due to anger and diminished self-worth.
4. Mental health issues – Yelling leads to anxiety, depression and lower self-esteem in children over time.
5. Physical health complaints – Stress causes stomach aches, headaches, insomnia and reduced immunity in kids.
6. Poor social skills – Yelled-at kids struggle to regulate emotions or communicate appropriately with friends.
To minimize long-term damage, replace yelling with calm, fair discipline and lots of warmth in children’s formative years.
How does being yelled at affect relationships?
Yelling can seriously jeopardize personal relationships in the following ways:
- Destroys trust – Being shouted at makes people feel unsafe and guarded.
- Incites more conflict – Yelling begets more yelling which devolves into fighting.
- Kills communication – People avoid honest communication to prevent blow ups.
- Breeds resentment – Unresolved anger simmering under the surface destroys intimacy.
- Lowers satisfaction – Partners feel unhappy and trapped when frequently yelled at.
- Increases defensiveness – People become hypersensitive to criticism after being yelled at.
- Damages respect – It gets harder to admire someone who resorts to verbal intimidation.
In short, being yelled at makes people feel mistreated and distant from the yeller over time. The relationship suffers dramatically if aggressive yelling continues.
What to do when someone yells at you?
It’s possible to respond calmly when being shouted or sworn at. Here are tips:
- Take deep breaths: This helps lower stress and anger so you stay composed.
- Don’t react: Keep facial expressions and tone neutral. Don’t shout back.
- Listen attentively: Let them vent without interruption. Show you’re making an effort to understand their position.
- Empathize: Once they’re done, summarize their viewpoint and validate emotions. Say “I understand why you feel that way”.
- Assert yourself: In a calm, firm tone convey that you will not accept yelling or verbal attacks, now or in the future.
- Stand your ground: Politely disengage and walk away if shouting persists. Removing yourself defuses tension.
- Discuss later: Revisit the issue later when cooler heads prevail. Maintain composure throughout.
Staying calm, empathic and assertive when yelled at helps prevent destructive arguments and protects your self-esteem.
How to stop yelling when angry
Here are techniques to curb the tendency to yell out of anger:
- Be self-aware: Pay attention to rising tension and recognize your own escalation signs.
- Take time-outs: Before reaching boiling point, step away until calm.
- Breathe deeply: Inhale and exhale slowly to relax when irritable.
- Use coping statements: Tell yourself “Getting upset won’t fix this” or “I need to stay composed”.
- Do yoga and meditation: These relaxing techniques lower reactivity.
- Talk it out later: Have open conversations about issues while calm. Ban yelling.
- Identify triggers: Understand your own hot-button issues that require self-management.
- Apologize: If you slip up and yell, sincerely apologize for losing your temper.
With vigilance and practice, it’s possible to express frustration without verbally aggressive shouting.
When is yelling considered verbal abuse?
Yelling crosses into verbal abuse territory when it’s:
- Frequent and intimidating
- Used to control and belittle victims
- Intended to harm someone’s dignity
- Done without any consideration of its impact
- Used to isolate someone from their support system
- Part of a broader pattern of abusive behavior
- Making someone feel unsafe in a relationship
So yelling that’s consistent, intimidating, demeaning, inconsiderate, and makes the victim afraid constitutes emotional abuse.
How to deal with a partner who yells too much
If your romantic partner frequently yells at you, take the following steps:
- Point out their yelling: Tactfully highlight to your partner when and how they yell.
- Communicate its impact: Explain how the yelling makes you feel and affect the relationship.
- Request change: Tell them yelling is unacceptable and ask them to express disagreements calmly.
- Set boundaries: Make clear you will physically leave arguments that turn verbally abusive.
- Seek counseling: Ask them to get help managing anger issues.
- Limit exposure: Spend less time together to avoid getting yelled at until behaviors improve.
- Be ready to leave: If verbal abuse continues despite interventions, be prepared to exit the relationship.
With help, some partners can learn to communicate without yelling. But don’t tolerate sustained verbal intimidation in relationships.
Conclusion
Being yelled at triggers our deepest instincts of fight or flight. While occasionally yelling out of frustration is inevitable, chronic shouting crosses the line into verbal abuse with real health consequences. No one deserves to feel intimidated or bullied. Protect your wellbeing by setting clear boundaries around acceptable forms of communication. With self-control, compassion and courage, we can prevent yelling from poisoning our relationships.