Dating in the military comes with its own set of complications and rules. Service members are expected to adhere to certain conduct standards both on and off duty, and this extends to their romantic relationships as well. While dating is not outright prohibited, there are regulations in place for appropriate dating conduct within the ranks. Understanding these rules is key for service members looking to pursue relationships without jeopardizing their careers.
Fraternization Rules
One of the biggest concerns surrounding dating in the military is fraternization. Fraternization refers to improper relationships between officers and enlisted personnel. There are very strict rules in place to prevent fraternization because these relationships undermine respect for authority and discipline within the ranks. The consequences for fraternization can be severe, including discharge from the military.
The key factors in determining if a relationship is considered fraternization are the differences in rank between the two parties and whether they are in the same chain of command. Dating, shared living accommodations, intimate relationships, commercial solicitations, and private business partnerships between officers and enlisted personnel are prohibited if:
- They are in the same chain of command
- There is a compromised supervisory role
- There is an inherent unfair advantage or coercive influence
This applies to relationships between:
- Officers and enlisted members
- Warrant officers and enlisted members
- Officers and warrant officers in the same chain of command
If two members of the military are married, they have some exceptions that allow them to be in the same chain of command. However, officers are still prohibited from appointing, promoting, or advancing their spouse in their direct chain of command.
Dating Within the Same Unit
In addition to fraternization concerns, dating between members of the same military unit is generally discouraged, although not expressly prohibited. The concern is that romantic relationships can disrupt unit cohesion and impact the ability to carry out the mission. Leaders want to avoid discord or conflicts of interest that could potentially arise from interpersonal relationships within a unit.
While not banned, service members who pursue relationships within their unit are expected to maintain professionalism and not allow it to influence their military duties. Public displays of affection while in uniform or on duty are prohibited. If a relationship does cause issues within the unit, one or both parties may be transferred to avoid further disruption.
Impact on Career
Dating and romantic relationships can potentially have an impact on a service member’s military career. As with any relationship, breakups do occur, which can lead to hurt feelings and impact morale and cohesion within a unit. If a relationship involves fraternization, the military careers of both parties can be severely affected.
Relationships between trainees and instructors at training schools are prohibited due to the possibility of favoritism or unequal treatment. Recruits going through basic training are restricted from having any visitors or outside communication to maintain focus on their training.
Service members looking to pursue serious relationships leading to marriage must obtain permission from their commander before getting married. This ensures that military duties take priority over family obligations. Being married or having dependents does limit some assignments or deployment opportunities.
Adultery
Cheating on a spouse, also known as adultery, is considered unacceptable conduct for military members and is punishable under the Uniform Code of Military Justice (UCMJ). Adultery violates military law if certain criteria are met:
- The person committing adultery is married
- The sexual acts are voluntary
- The conduct is prejudicial to good order and discipline or brings discredit upon the armed forces
Both parties involved in adultery can be charged and face consequences including fines, confinement, and discharge from the military. While adultery itself is not necessarily illegal under civilian laws, conduct by military personnel that reflects poorly on the armed forces can be prosecuted under the UCMJ.
Dating Foreign Nationals
Dating and marrying foreign nationals is not strictly prohibited for military personnel, but there are some potential risks to consider. Security clearances can potentially be impacted if a foreign national has access to sensitive information. There is also the risk of foreign intelligence agencies using romantic relationships to gain access to information about military operations.
Service members must advise their chain of command if they plan to marry a foreign national. They will undergo additional security screening and limitations may be placed on future assignments, especially overseas. The military does not provide visas or assist with immigration for foreign girlfriends or fiances. The service member is responsible for going through the normal visa application process.
Online Dating Safety
Online dating sites and apps provide additional opportunities for military members to meet new people. However, service members need to take precautions when looking for relationships online. Scammers often target military personnel by pretending to be interested romantic partners but then asking for money or bank account access. There is also the risk of honeypot operations, where foreign agents use romance to entrap military members.
To practice safe online dating, military personnel should protect their personal information, conduct video chats to confirm identities, and watch for any suspicious behavior from online romantic interests. Using military email accounts, base addresses, or photos in uniform on dating sites also increases risks, so caution should be exercised.
Reporting Relationships
To avoid claims of favoritism, abuse of power, or fraternization, any relationships between military personnel within the same chain of command should be reported up the chain. While consenting relationships between members of the same rank may be permitted, they should still be disclosed to avoid perceptions of impropriety. This allows the command to take steps to avoid conflicts of interest in duty assignments, performance reviews, and disciplinary measures.
In cases where a relationship is considered unprofessional, unsafe or disruptive to a unit, commanders have wide discretion to take corrective measures. These can include counseling, formal reprimands, reassignment, removal from positions of authority, or other actions to prevent negative impacts on morale, good order and discipline.
Seeking Relationship Advice
The unique challenges of military life can put strains on romantic relationships. Seeking professional advice can help military couples nurture healthy relationships. All military installations have family support services and counselors available to personnel and their dependents. Chaplains are also available for confidential guidance on relationships.
For clinical counseling, Military OneSource offers 12 free relationship counseling sessions per year for active duty personnel and their families. This private counseling is outside of the military chain of command. Counselors have military cultural competency to help address deployment stress, PCS moves, infidelity, parenting, finances, communication issues, and other relationship matters.
Conclusion
Dating and relationships are possible within military life, but require following certain rules and regulations. Understanding the policies on fraternization, adultery, relationships within the same chain of command, and reporting requirements is crucial. Although unique challenges exist, seeking guidance from support services can assist military members and their significant others maintain healthy romantic relationships while serving.