Social anxiety is a common disorder that affects many children and adolescents. It involves an intense fear of social situations and interactions. Children with social anxiety may appear very shy, have trouble making friends, and try to avoid interacting with peers or adults. Recognizing the signs of social anxiety early is important to get a child the help they need to manage their anxiety. Here are some of the most common signs of social anxiety in children.
Avoidance of Social Situations
One of the hallmark signs of social anxiety is avoidance of social situations. A socially anxious child will try to avoid situations that require interacting with others as much as possible. This may include:
- Not wanting to go to birthday parties or sleepovers
- Refusing to participate in group activities at school
- Not wanting to meet new people or make new friends
- Choosing to play alone rather than with other children
- Staying on the periphery and not joining in games or conversations
Children with social anxiety feel very uncomfortable in social settings. They may make up excuses to get out of social events or pretend to be sick. Avoidance provides relief from anxiety in the moment but reinforces the anxiety over time.
Difficulty Speaking with Peers or Adults
Socially anxious children often have a very hard time interacting with others directly. A child with social anxiety may exhibit:
- Extreme shyness around peers or unfamiliar adults
- An inability to initiate conversations
- Hesitancy to speak or answer questions in class
- Mumbling, stuttering, or speaking very softly when they do speak
- Poor eye contact and gaze avoidance
This inability to interact can be paralyzing for kids with social anxiety. They may want to join a conversation or activity but feel too afraid to start talking and engage with the other children.
Physical Symptoms of Anxiety
Social situations often provoke intense physical anxiety symptoms like:
- Butterflies or nausea
- Trembling, sweating, blushing
- Racing heart
- Shortness of breath
Children may complain of feeling sick, dizzy, or overtired when in social situations. Some kids even experience panic attacks around others that include heart palpitations and a feeling of being detached from reality.
Excessive Self-Consciousness
Kids with social anxiety are extremely self-conscious when interacting with others. They worry constantly about how they look, sound, and what others must be thinking of them. They may obsess over small flaws or imperfections. This often leads to negative self talk like:
- “They probably think I’m stupid.”
- “I must have said something dumb.”
- “I know I’m blushing – I must look so weird.”
- “I don’t fit in here.”
Children with social anxiety presume others are critically judging them, even when there is no evidence that is the case. The excessive self-focus detracts from their ability to fully engage in social interactions.
Unusual Behaviors or Rituals
The anxiety of social situations may cause some children to develop eccentric rituals or behaviors such as:
- Needing to carry a certain comfort object like a stuffed animal with them
- Refusing to eat or drink in public due to a fear of spilling or choking
- Picking at hair, skin, or clothing excessively when nervous
- Needing to follow set routines or order of events to feel comfortable
These anxious habits can draw unwanted attention from peers, which only amplifies the social anxiety. The child with social anxiety may realize the behavior is unusual but feel powerless to stop it.
Meltdowns Before or After Social Situations
The anxiety and effort of going into a social situation can be exhausting for a child. Parents may notice emotional meltdowns or tantrums before or after social activities. A child may even try to get out of an event by throwing a fit.
After an activity, a socially anxious child may need time alone to recharge. The extra stimulation and stress of being around others often leads to emotional crashes.
Poor Academic Performance
Despite being equally as intelligent as their peers, children with social anxiety tend to have lower academic performance. There are several reasons for this:
- They may avoid participating in class due to anxiety speaking in front of others.
- Anxiety distracts them from concentrating on schoolwork.
- Their homework quality suffers because they are afraid to ask questions.
- They avoid group work and collaborative learning activities.
If a bright child suddenly begins struggling in school, it can sometimes indicate underlying social anxiety interfering with their learning.
Depression
Social anxiety and depression often co-occur in children. The isolation, loneliness, and low self-esteem brought on by social anxiety can lead to depressive thoughts and feelings. Signs of depression to look out for include:
- Lack of interest in usual activities
- Fatigue and low energy
- Sadness, irritability, or excessive crying
- Changes in eating and sleeping habits
- Expressing hopeless or negative views about themselves
If you notice possible depression in addition to social anxiety, consult a mental health professional right away. The combination requires prompt treatment.
Perfectionism
Many children with social anxiety also exhibit perfectionistic traits and behavior. A socially anxious child may:
- Procrastinate on projects out of fear of failure
- Redo tasks repeatedly trying to get it “just right”
- Have excessive concern over grades and criticism
- Tear up papers, erase repeatedly, or start over frequently
- Resist submitting work until it meets their own impossibly high standards
This perfectionism stems from the child feeling like they have to be absolutely perfect to avoid being judged. However, the anxiety perfectionism causes only worsens the social anxiety.
Misbehavior Designed to Hide Social Anxiety
Some children try to disguise or cope with social anxiety by intentionally misbehaving. They believe it’s better to be seen as a troublemaker than be perceived as weak or scared. Types of misbehavior can include:
- Clowning around
- Picking fights
- Always needing to be the center of attention
- Refusing to follow rules or directions
- Disrupting class activities
Look for patterns of misbehavior that seem out of character for the child or that increase around social situations. This acting out is a red flag for an underlying social anxiety issue.
Clinginess with Parents or Other Adults
Children with social anxiety often become very clingy to their parents or other adults. They feel safest and most comfortable with family and will stick close to them in public places. Signs of clingy behavior include:
- Not wanting to leave parents’ side
- Needing a parent to accompany them everywhere
- Frequent calls from school asking parents to come get them
- Separation anxiety when away from trusted adults
- Bedwetting or sleep issues when not sleeping near parents
This clinginess further prevents the anxious child from developing independence and facing feared social situations. They use trusted adults like a security blanket.
Frequent Physical Illness
The mental strain of chronic anxiety takes a physical toll on the body. Children with social anxiety tend to have weaker immune systems and get sick more often. They may complain regularly of:
- Headaches or stomachaches
- Sore throats
- Feeling tired or having low energy
- Muscle tension and body aches
While some sickness is inevitable, pay attention if a child is complaining of not feeling well day after day. It could be their mind’s way of manifesting anxiety.
Worries About Eating or Using Bathrooms at School
Activities like eating lunch or using the school restroom require a certain degree of social interaction for kids. Children with social anxiety may fixate on these activities and refuse to eat or use bathrooms at school due to fear. Signs include:
- Packing minimal or no food for lunch at school
- Holding their urine and bowel movements until they get home
- Drinking minimal water to avoid using school bathrooms
- Complaining regularly of stomach problems or headaches at school
These bathroom or cafeteria avoidance issues often start when a child has been teased or socially embarrassed in those settings. Their anxiety prevents normal functioning.
School Refusal Behavior
In extreme cases, children with social anxiety may engage in school refusal behavior and refuse to attend school entirely. This includes:
- Faking illnesses each morning to avoid going to school
- Throwing major tantrums about going to school
- Running away or hiding once at school
- Skipping classes or leaving school grounds
- Pleading with parents to homeschool them or let them drop out
Total school avoidance is more common in teens but sometimes happens in younger children too. Get professional help immediately if your child refuses school.
What Causes Social Anxiety in Children?
Social anxiety typically develops due to a combination of genetic, environmental, and psychological factors. Causes can include:
- Having a biologically shy temperament from infancy
- Genes that make a child more prone to anxiety
- Highly critical or overprotective parenting
- Traumatic social experiences like bullying or humiliation
- Negative social self-perceptions
- Imitating socially anxious behavior they see modeled
Often social anxiety emerges after a child has one or more embarrassing or shameful experiences around others. The anxiety causes them to withdraw socially, and lack of positive peer interactions makes the anxiety worse over time.
When to Get Professional Help for Social Anxiety
Mild social anxiety is common in children, especially around transitional ages like starting school. But if social fears are interfering with a child’s daily functioning, seek professional support. Signs it is time to get medical advice include:
- Schoolwork is suffering
- They are unable to make or keep friends
- Anxiety is causing severe distress
- Symptoms last 6+ months with no improvement
- Symptoms are significantly worse than similar-aged peers
A child psychiatrist, psychologist, or clinical social worker can provide therapy to help a socially anxious child. For moderate to severe cases, anti-anxiety medication may also be recommended.
Tips for Supporting a Socially Anxious Child
If your child exhibits social anxiety, there are things you can do at home to help:
- Avoid accommodating anxiety-driven avoidance: As hard as it is, don’t allow your child to opt out of activities solely because of anxiety. Gently push them past their comfort zone.
- Model social behavior: Demonstrate calm, confident socializing in front of your child. Avoid criticizing yourself around them.
- Celebrate small victories: Praise any attempts to face social situations, no matter how small it seems.
- Don’t excuse bad behavior: Set limits around acting out. Explain anxiety is not an excuse for misbehavior.
- Consider a social skills group: Practice interacting with supportive peers in a therapeutic environment.
Getting the right professional treatment combined with family support gives a socially anxious child the best chance of overcoming this challenge.
Conclusion
Social anxiety causes significant distress and impairment for many children and adolescents. The most common signs in kids are avoidance of social situations, difficulty interacting with others, physical symptoms of anxiety, and extreme self-consciousness. Parental support, therapy, and medication can all help young people manage social fears and anxieties. Recognizing symptoms early and intervening is key to getting a socially anxious child back on track developmentally with their peers.