Co-sleeping, or allowing young children to sleep in the same bed as their parents, is a common practice for many families. However, there is no consensus on the ideal age when a child should transition to sleeping independently. Deciding when to stop co-sleeping depends on a variety of factors, including the child’s development and temperament, family values and preferences, and cultural norms.
What are the benefits of co-sleeping?
Many parents choose to co-sleep because they believe it has benefits for both child and parents. Potential advantages include:
- Easier breastfeeding at night
- Comfort for a child who wakes frequently
- Emotional bonding between parent and child
- Monitoring child’s safety and health
- More sleep for breastfeeding mothers
For young infants especially, keeping them nearby at night facilitates breastfeeding. The close physical proximity seems to benefit their health and development. Being able to respond quickly to cries and monitor breathing may provide some parents reassurance about their child’s wellbeing during sleep.
What are the risks of co-sleeping?
While co-sleeping has its benefits, there are some associated risks that worry health professionals. Potential dangers include:
- Suffocation or entrapment if child becomes buried under bedding
- Difficulty regulating child’s body temperature
- Interference with quality sleep for parents and children
- Safety concerns if parents smoke, use drugs/alcohol, or take medications that impact wakefulness
- Rolling onto or striking child while asleep
Co-sleeping is estimated to increase the risk of SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome) by as much as 50%. Accidental suffocation or entrapment while bed sharing seems to be an underlying cause in many of these deaths. Parents who smoke or use substances also substantially increase the risk to an infant sleeping in the same bed.
When can most children start transitioning to their own bed?
Many experts recommend moving a child into their own sleeping space by the end of the first year, once they are less vulnerable to SIDS. However, every child matures at a different pace. Signs a child under 1 may be ready for the transition include:
- Sleeping through most of the night
- Able to self-soothe back to sleep
- No longer breastfeeding at night
- Attempting to roll over or crawl in bed
Between ages 1 and 2, separation anxiety and fear may make it more challenging to move a toddler into their own room. With patience and consistency, this transition can usually be accomplished gently during the toddler years.
Tips for transitioning a toddler to their own bed
- Make the new sleeping space toddler-friendly and inviting
- Establish calming bedtime rituals in the new room
- Use a transitional object like a stuffed animal for comfort
- Reassure child at bedtime but avoid coddling
- Remain firm and consistent once the new routine is established
What age do most kids stop co-sleeping?
Research looking at the age when most parents stop co-sleeping with their children has found:
| Age | Percentage co-sleeping |
|---|---|
| 6 months | 92% |
| 1 year | 77% |
| 2 years | 43% |
| 3 years | 25% |
| 4 years | 10% |
As seen, most children are moved to their own sleeping quarters between ages 2 and 4. However, some families continue co-sleeping well beyond this age.
What are the potential risks of co-sleeping with an older child?
While co-sleeping with an infant has specific risks, continuing to sleep with school-aged children and adolescents can also impact wellbeing.
Co-sleeping into the later childhood and teenage years may:
- Impede child’s emerging independence and self-soothing skills
- Cause sleep disruptions and low quality rest for parents and child
- Interfere with intimacy between parents and adult relationships
- Increase risk of sexual abuse by non-family members, if bedroom is shared
Parents sleeping with an older child well into the elementary school years and beyond often have boundary issues and difficulty setting age-appropriate limits. Their children may not acquire important self-regulation skills.
When should parents absolutely stop co-sleeping?
Most child development experts recommend that children stop sleeping in the parental bed and bedroom by age 3 or 4 at the very latest. However, co-sleeping with older children may be inappropriate in certain situations such as:
- Child is able to sleep independently but refuses to do so
- Co-sleeping causes major sleep disruptions for parents
- Child sleeps in parent’s bed every night, instead of occasionally
- Parents express discomfort with the arrangement
- Child displays sexualized behaviors toward parents
- Child is vulnerable to abuse from outside adults in the home
In addition to age considerations, parents should pay close attention to their own feelings and any red flags that indicate it’s time to stop co-sleeping. Even if a child protests or struggles with the change, firmly establishing normal, healthy sleep habits is the priority.
How to stop co-sleeping with an older child
Breaking the co-sleeping habit with a headstrong or anxious older child can require determination and creativity from parents. Strategies include:
- Pick a weekend or vacation to start the transition
- Involve child in decorating new room and making it their own
- Create calming bedtime rituals focused on the child’s room
- Use rewards like a sleepover with friends after achieving sleep goals
- Consider natural consequences like losing screen time if not sleeping independently
- Set clear rules with no exceptions for returning to parent’s bed at night
- Use a transitional object and night light to ease the adjustment
- Reinforce and validate child’s progress and successes
Being warm and understanding while remaining firm often helps children eventually accept the change. Some may need professional counseling to overcome severe separation anxiety.
Conclusion
While most families naturally transition away from co-sleeping by preschool age, some children have difficulty making this adjustment. Recognizing when it’s time to move a child into their own sleep space requires assessing developmental readiness. But parents must also set boundaries that align with their family values and child’s emerging needs for independence.